Just In
Community
Forum
V
More
for Magical Madness

12/3/2013 c1 2willam and jack and jake
nice very well done
4/16/2013 c11 5ginnygirl528
Honestly, I've always seen Sirius as a beater kind of guy -I'm refering to your comment on him being a Chaser. I always liked Fred and George being refered to as "a pair of bludgers themselves", so it seems right that one of the marauders would be too. But, of course, your idea is perfect for this story because it's your story -a story I love by the way.
I'm a little surpised at your decision to make Pettigrew a good guy. Not many people do that even if they write stories about before Pettigrew became a Death-Eater. It's very interesting to read. I wouldn't change a thing. And your facts are all perfect as far as I can see -the little things you're not trying to change. Very nice and well-written. More than I can say for my stories *I'm laughing right now. My stories are utter rubbish compared to your's.
7/21/2012 c1 Ray
The part about the imformation being FORCED out of Peter. That is bullshit.
8/22/2011 c13 4angeldiary360
I liked how harry is starting to recognize ginny at an early state and that it could be possible for them to go out during the goblet of fire! I can't for you to work out this story more but please hurry I want to see what happens next!
1/13/2010 c12 ReviewsGalore
Story: 5.75/10. Retellings can be tough and you do have some original material in this one and a plot line that is exciting and easy to follow, but I feel like you could diverge from the books even more, especially in the earlier chapters. I also think that a lot of the changes you make take conflict out of the story and conflict is what drives a story. Many of your changes make things easy for Harry, but most people don't want to read a story where the hero figures out everything right away and is always right.

Characters: 5.25/10. Each of your characters does have some level of personality, but I don't feel that any of them is really, deeply developed. Harry is pretty different from his canon self, but that is understandable in an AU where is is raised with a different family. My biggest problem is really with Robert. In the earlier chapters, especially, he seems to follow the heroes around and solve all their problems for them to the point that I wonder whose story this really is: Harry's or Robert's. He is more than a little Gary Stu-ish, not only because he is so powerful, but because he always seems to know everything, even things that it would be difficult for him to know. Sometimes, when he is telling some character off, I get the sense that what he's saying is what a lot of readers would LIKE to say to that character. But readers are different from characters because they are privy to more information and they don't have to exist in the same universe as the characters after they have told them off. I do also think that this fic may be getting a little OC heavy. You say that Gandalf will be equal to Dumbledore but what I’m wondering is if you need two characters in the story that are possibly (if LOTR Gandalf is any guide) very much the same.

Creativity: 5.25/10. Like I said, I’d say that this story is a little too similar to the books. In many fics where Harry is raised by another family, his story diverges dramatically from the books, because making one major change will change everything. I do like some of the bigger changes that you’ve made like giving Harry and Ginny’s relationship more attention and I do recognize that you’ve moved the story in a different direction in the later chapters.

Writing: 7.75/10. I think that you write fairly well. You don’t have many mistakes, your sentences are smooth and readable and your style is very accessible. I do think that your dialogue occasionally gets a little stiff – like something that would be written or possibly recited in a speech rather than something that characters would say spontaneously.

Believability/AU: 5.5/10. There were a few believability issues, especially early on in the fic for me. The big question I had was why doesn’t Harry’s wizarding family tell him about the wizarding world before he gets his Hogwarts letter? It seems both difficult and pointless to keep it from him. I do think that you do a pretty good job of placing us in the Harry Potter world and you have a sense for the setting, however, this seems to be the type of AU where you change whatever you feel like whenever you feel like instead of making one major change and building the smaller changes upon it. The problem with that type of AU is that the reader is apt to forget all the little changes – the source material and the 5 million other fanfics they’ve read are going to stick in their memory more readily than your fic, especially if there is no reason for the change within the fic. I’m talking about places where you change the rules of the universe, of course, not places where you diverge from the original storyline which is something that I’d encourage you to do. You are absolutely right that JKR’s qudditch rules make no sense, but if your readers become confused because they don’t remember that author’s note 6 chapters ago where you changed the rules of the universe, then it becomes a problem.

Overall: 6/10. You write well and I can see improvement in the later chapters, but Robert strikes me as a Stu and I’d like to see this diverge from the original plot a little more, especially in the beginning.
1/7/2010 c12 3XandallthatjazzX
interesting fanfic keep writing and happy 2010 :)
1/1/2010 c12 3benperez31
Another great chapter. I'm glad this story is updated again. It's ok to have several OCs. I created some for my own story. Don't let reviewers' comments deter you too much from writing how you want to. I'll have to think about other pranks and get back to you in the next chapter. Update soon please.
1/1/2010 c11 benperez31
Great chapter, especially the explanation for Peter being Scabbers like in the books. The Quidditch Final was also great, at least Malfoy was civil to Harry again. It's great to see everyone happy in the end. Now Harry has three more adults to help him. I hope Peter will be able to duel better with Sirius' help.
12/5/2009 c1 1Poltergeists
Long time no see.. awesome chapter by the way ^^
11/5/2009 c1 2sweetkitty
I really like this story. I can't wait for more.

It shows a different aspect of Peter and its nice to see a Peter being brave.
11/1/2009 c11 2ninaz08
i really liked the deviation from the books... i was surprised to see Peter and i admitt to be confused for the most part of why he had allowed himself to remain a rat if he was aware that Sirius was in prison... and i was really surprised at how Crookshanks reacted to Peter... i really like this story... i enjoy how you subtle change the story without changing the actuall story-line to much and how it all eventually ties up in the end... i would also like to say that i'm not that creative otherwise i would tell you an interesting prank but alas i do not have that creative gene... i do however like Robert's humor its hilarious... anyways i think i have rambled on enough for now... great story... kutgw
11/1/2009 c7 Last of the Trifecta
please uodate soon
10/30/2009 c11 teacher123
Great story. I enjoyed the story. I like that it goes with the same events in the books, but it is different too. Can't wait to read how you will write the 4 book. With Peter on the good side and Sirius innocent to the public it will be very interesting.
10/30/2009 c11 Sebastien
:D Good story keep writing !

A frenc fan
10/29/2009 c11 Ann
"Sirius was practically drooling over the subject" That cracked me up!
46 Page 1 2 3 .. Last Next »

Twitter . Help . Sign Up . Cookies . Privacy . Terms of Service