for Navalis7/31/2009 c1 AllAmericanAuthor
very nice fic. completly whole with no skips in the reading. u very much should continue.;
very nice fic. completly whole with no skips in the reading. u very much should continue.;
7/31/2009 c1 Reader
I am just a random reader. I love to read fanfics rather than write them myself. So the only thing i have got to say is that this chapter is a really really good one. I can't wait for the next one.
I am just a random reader. I love to read fanfics rather than write them myself. So the only thing i have got to say is that this chapter is a really really good one. I can't wait for the next one.
7/30/2009 c1 
5Jade TeaLeaf
First to review? Yes! :D
Well let's see here... your writing seems ok to me. I mean, no glaringly obvious writing mistakes. Though, one thing I'd like to say is that I hope you don't make ALL the bad guys 100% evil like BJ does. And for Navalis, I'd try to give him a little quirk or something that makes him different from all the other villains in BJ's book, since it had come to the point where all the villains are almost exactly the same sometimes. :(
Also, I think that Navalis's weapon is a little unlogical, as they sound like over-grown claws... seriously over-grown claws. But, points for uniqueness. :D I have to say that this is a pretty nice prologue you've got here, as you jump straight to the actiony bits. I hope you do continue this story. :)
~Jade TeaLeaf
5Jade TeaLeafFirst to review? Yes! :D
Well let's see here... your writing seems ok to me. I mean, no glaringly obvious writing mistakes. Though, one thing I'd like to say is that I hope you don't make ALL the bad guys 100% evil like BJ does. And for Navalis, I'd try to give him a little quirk or something that makes him different from all the other villains in BJ's book, since it had come to the point where all the villains are almost exactly the same sometimes. :(
Also, I think that Navalis's weapon is a little unlogical, as they sound like over-grown claws... seriously over-grown claws. But, points for uniqueness. :D I have to say that this is a pretty nice prologue you've got here, as you jump straight to the actiony bits. I hope you do continue this story. :)
~Jade TeaLeaf