for Trying to Find the Truth7/15/2015 c31 
18KirikaAndo
i love this story! i rarely review.
btw, since this atory has OC characters, it's better if you put the OC tag on.
18KirikaAndoi love this story! i rarely review.
btw, since this atory has OC characters, it's better if you put the OC tag on.
3/23/2012 c1 306Fortius9
I'm not trying to insult you or anything, just giving my honest opinion.
Honestly, though I'm not sure whether it's because of my currently not-so-good-but-also-not-too-bad mood, I don't get any feeling coming from your story at all. Feeling as in life, of course. There's no exclamation, no 'HIII!' from Tsuna, no 'Hahaha, bow down to Lambo-sama and give him all your candy!' and it's really dull. It's not lively at all. Quite boring if you think about it. It's almost as if you didn't quite have the heart to type this down and was just writing the story for the sake of it, not trying to insult your author pride or anything even though I do appreciate your effort, just stating the feeling I got from it. Also, the characters are too OOC to be true. KHR should be filled with a sense of liveliness which is there because it's created by the character's weird antiques and funny personalities, not just because of the cheerfullness that is expressed through the characters' voice. Your fanfiction seem more like a script somehow, just waiting to be filled in the emotion and the voice by a voice actor. To be truthful, I can't even imagine the voice in my head since it was simply too monotonous.
Another thing, Tsuna doesn't have orange hair, but I suppose you got that from the manga - even though I've not read the manga version of KHR yet.
To sum up, You need to put in more effort in order to express the feeling you want readers to get from reading your fanfic.
306Fortius9I'm not trying to insult you or anything, just giving my honest opinion.
Honestly, though I'm not sure whether it's because of my currently not-so-good-but-also-not-too-bad mood, I don't get any feeling coming from your story at all. Feeling as in life, of course. There's no exclamation, no 'HIII!' from Tsuna, no 'Hahaha, bow down to Lambo-sama and give him all your candy!' and it's really dull. It's not lively at all. Quite boring if you think about it. It's almost as if you didn't quite have the heart to type this down and was just writing the story for the sake of it, not trying to insult your author pride or anything even though I do appreciate your effort, just stating the feeling I got from it. Also, the characters are too OOC to be true. KHR should be filled with a sense of liveliness which is there because it's created by the character's weird antiques and funny personalities, not just because of the cheerfullness that is expressed through the characters' voice. Your fanfiction seem more like a script somehow, just waiting to be filled in the emotion and the voice by a voice actor. To be truthful, I can't even imagine the voice in my head since it was simply too monotonous.
Another thing, Tsuna doesn't have orange hair, but I suppose you got that from the manga - even though I've not read the manga version of KHR yet.
To sum up, You need to put in more effort in order to express the feeling you want readers to get from reading your fanfic.
11/19/2009 c10 2The Gallant Jiraiya-Sama
good chapter kinda short though. also plz put name beside the quotes it's kinda hard to figure out who's talking when there are more than 2 ppl.
2The Gallant Jiraiya-Samagood chapter kinda short though. also plz put name beside the quotes it's kinda hard to figure out who's talking when there are more than 2 ppl.