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1/27/2014 c16 Luvlylexy
YEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEES VENNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNGENNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNCE -evil cackle-
1/27/2014 c16 Guest
I loved it update more please
1/27/2014 c15 Luvlylexy
Wow, when was this last updated? Because I just favorite-d it a few weeks ago and I could have SWORN it hadn't been updated for close to four years.
1/27/2014 c15 KatherineDarkQueenRiddle666
I loved it please update more
4/7/2013 c14 56Kitskune Miyake
HmmmmmMmm so this hasn't updated in a while, and I just finished reading one of the few jake/ron fics on this site. More, I say!

I think the pacing is okay from this point on. In the beginning, everything felt very shoved together, but after the point of saving Jake, the story feels like it has a more regular pattern.

The set up to their relationship... I have mixed feelings about it. On one hand, I'm deeply in love with the ship, and the depth of their mate bond is beautiful. On the other, I feel like the relationship got rushed. We started off with strangers who shared a bed, then some attraction, then suddenly they're calling each other "mate" and want to bone each other at a draconian rate. It felt... strange, especially balanced with the story. Now they're settling into a more regular pattern, and I have high hopes for their relationship.

The characterization felt strange sometimes. In the beginning it felt okay, then the middle chapters felt OOC. I think the events in the plot definitely changed them, but sometimes the characters didn't feel like the characters I remember. The way they'd speak, certain mannerisms, character interactions felt too strange. Also, I think Jake got over Rose too quickly, considering how hung up he was on her before.

You had a particularly heavy approach to characterizing girls in this. I think it was unfair to demonize Kim to the extent that you did. Yeah, she broke Ron's heart, but not all feelings are returned. And not everyone automatically accepts the idea of a gay ex-boyfriend/best friend, but KP's extreme reaction just set me off. I think she would have been a great sympathetic character who still cares about Ron. They were friends for a long time; surely that can overcome the bumps in their friendship.

The plot was a bit convoluted at times. Sometimes, you introduced so many concepts at a time with a less-than-satisfying explanation, and I had to go over it again to make sense of it. Explaining the magic in clearer detail would clean up the story. I'm still a bit confused on Ron's ability set, the mate bond, and how the magic energy flow works.

I think dragging in Artemis Fowl was a nice touch, if a bit unnecessay. The story would have been fine without him, though I liked following Artemis. Unless you have great further plans, it might be a good idea to drop him to condense your cast and focus more on developing the rest of them. Hints in the latest chapter suggest he has an important role.

Some of the scenes feel a bit unnecessary, such as turning Wade and Spud into a stud and a genius respectively. I feel like it was more fanservice than anything, though it really helped when they went to save Jake (which was a great scene, by the way).

I apologize if I'm coming off as rude or mean or anything. This story has great potential, but some of it's lower points drag it a bit. I really hope you continue it. It's an interesting Jake/Ron fic with a compelling underlying plot. Whatever you write, I hope you do well in, and if real life drags you down, I hope it all turns out well in the end.

Kitskune Miyake
12/13/2012 c8 Guest
Where's Rufus?
11/30/2012 c14 242Marsetta
hello Um I think you should end it on chap 13 and make chap 14 and onwards a sequel but thats only me
11/29/2012 c14 2KiryuLegion
Well I must say this was a really awesome read and a real treat find. I only recently decided to look at the works on again after I got access back to my own account and am glad I've started checking over the website again. I understand the reason for any delays or halts to your posting RL can be that way. I hope you will post and continue your writings. I am a big fan of the Ron/Jake cross couple and am hoping to see more of the story you have written so far for them. I wish you the best in your endeavors and hope to see your next chapter for this story someday.
11/18/2012 c14 Guest
Hey, just wondering if this story will continue. Love it so far. Best Jake and Ron fanfic ever!
11/8/2012 c4 Moonlightnight101
Sad but good story so far
10/31/2012 c14 18icewaker22
What is the point of having Artemis Fowl in this. You could have the same effect with OC's. Just asking sense I was wondering. Oh and the feel you had in the start was that Ron was the sub or bottom if you will so what happened to that. You took all that power you built into Jake and gave it to Ron for no real reason. You do this form chapter 10 onward. You set Ron up as a sub please don't just go and throw your designee away. You had a really cool Animal X feel going on at the start. I honestly thought you were going to keep Ron the same size and use the magic energy burst in chapter 10 after there bonding to make Jake a lot bigger then Ron sense let's face it 5'6-5'7 isn't that tall for a guy. cheers sorry if it sounds like I'm flaming it's just that the story has a lot of potential and i don't want to see it go to wast.

Ice
8/31/2012 c14 iluvreading7
PLEASE UPTATE SOON!
7/14/2012 c14 KatherineDarkQueenRiddle666
I loved it can you please update more
6/8/2012 c15 narutofan876
Well that's good unforutnaly I thought ffnet was getting to much smut clutter anyway although I also don't like how the admins surpised us with them enforcing this ruling but I am glad they finally are for all this clutter that needs to go.
4/30/2012 c13 Misty56
I loved it can you please update more
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