for The Raikage12/2/2020 c11 Li-Ion78
Burnt corpse into a log showing tsunade had replaced herself, with a log
Lmao dude come on HAHAHAHA
Burnt corpse into a log showing tsunade had replaced herself, with a log
Lmao dude come on HAHAHAHA
12/2/2020 c10 god eater
halfway in this chapter aaaand it became a harem oh no
halfway in this chapter aaaand it became a harem oh no
12/1/2020 c4 god eater
dude/mam this fic is good but it could be great if it's not too wordy. this allows your readers to focus on the story. also the redundancy and statements of the obvious needs to go; i dont know if you just want a bigger word count but this just ruins the vibe of your battles and conversations. conciseness is kinda key when writing. i enjoyed the battles, but i recommend more punctuation marks which will greatly improve the visions for your descriptions
dude/mam this fic is good but it could be great if it's not too wordy. this allows your readers to focus on the story. also the redundancy and statements of the obvious needs to go; i dont know if you just want a bigger word count but this just ruins the vibe of your battles and conversations. conciseness is kinda key when writing. i enjoyed the battles, but i recommend more punctuation marks which will greatly improve the visions for your descriptions
12/1/2020 c3 god eater
tangina thats a lot to unpack with characters
tangina thats a lot to unpack with characters
12/1/2020 c2 god eater
couldve made this a little shorter tho but good! because a 10 year time skip, a lot of unpacking
couldve made this a little shorter tho but good! because a 10 year time skip, a lot of unpacking
11/10/2020 c19 
2Lesaiet
Hmmm...
Your grammar and sentence structure definitely improved, which I am glad to see. Though your writing still has that "brainstorming" feeling in it, which is not good for novels like these.
It's a shame you're not updating anymore, but oh well.
Good luck with your life, I guess. And remember: don't feel any shame in copying the writing styles of other authors. Trust me, it works.
2LesaietHmmm...
Your grammar and sentence structure definitely improved, which I am glad to see. Though your writing still has that "brainstorming" feeling in it, which is not good for novels like these.
It's a shame you're not updating anymore, but oh well.
Good luck with your life, I guess. And remember: don't feel any shame in copying the writing styles of other authors. Trust me, it works.
11/10/2020 c3 Lesaiet
Yikes. No.
Sorry buddy, but while you had a great concept, the grammar was simply too... disorganized for me to properly engage with the story.
...I'm just going to skip to the end.
Yikes. No.
Sorry buddy, but while you had a great concept, the grammar was simply too... disorganized for me to properly engage with the story.
...I'm just going to skip to the end.
11/10/2020 c2 Lesaiet
What in the...
Okay. First of all, your grammar needs work - There are too many run-on sentences, misspellings, and punctuation errors. Please find a website to make sure your writing is CLEAR, CONCISE, AND TO THE FUCKING POINT. If anything, try drawing inspirations from popular novels, like Percy Jackson, for example. Your transitions need work as well - almost every paragraph started with "Kurenai remembered" and it just went on repeat. I understand that you want to write a chapter where Kurenai is thinking of past events, but you have to do it in a way that DOESN'T resemble your train of thought. In other words, your writing looks like a giant brainstorming document.
Your story is good. I quite like fanfics like these, but I just can't stand the ABYSSMAL grammar.
Also, I'm going to try to finish his fic. If the grammar quality stays the same, I'm dropping.
Oh well. Let's go into it.
What in the...
Okay. First of all, your grammar needs work - There are too many run-on sentences, misspellings, and punctuation errors. Please find a website to make sure your writing is CLEAR, CONCISE, AND TO THE FUCKING POINT. If anything, try drawing inspirations from popular novels, like Percy Jackson, for example. Your transitions need work as well - almost every paragraph started with "Kurenai remembered" and it just went on repeat. I understand that you want to write a chapter where Kurenai is thinking of past events, but you have to do it in a way that DOESN'T resemble your train of thought. In other words, your writing looks like a giant brainstorming document.
Your story is good. I quite like fanfics like these, but I just can't stand the ABYSSMAL grammar.
Also, I'm going to try to finish his fic. If the grammar quality stays the same, I'm dropping.
Oh well. Let's go into it.
10/31/2020 c19 Guest
Hey there, are you going to continue this story? It is one of the most well written stories I have ever read, please, please continue it! Have a great day.
Hey there, are you going to continue this story? It is one of the most well written stories I have ever read, please, please continue it! Have a great day.
10/8/2020 c2 philipn.nich
Interesting premise, awful execution. I wish I could enjoy it, however your use of run on sentences is driving me batty. I feel you are writing too much to say too little. I prefer for conciseness. That said, I am not an author and you have achieved what I have not. Thank you for sharing your hobby with us.
Interesting premise, awful execution. I wish I could enjoy it, however your use of run on sentences is driving me batty. I feel you are writing too much to say too little. I prefer for conciseness. That said, I am not an author and you have achieved what I have not. Thank you for sharing your hobby with us.
9/28/2020 c3 lara5170
Too many OC's for me to keep track of and too much background information dumped on me at once. Maybe if there were chapters dedicated to each OC with some of their background information and stories about them some stuff would have stuck but with this massive information dump and the introduction of something like 30 OC's in this single chapter I have found myself remembering almost nothing. I'm familiar with Bleach so I recall Yoruichi, Byakuya, Kisuke, Soifon and Nanao.
Too many OC's for me to keep track of and too much background information dumped on me at once. Maybe if there were chapters dedicated to each OC with some of their background information and stories about them some stuff would have stuck but with this massive information dump and the introduction of something like 30 OC's in this single chapter I have found myself remembering almost nothing. I'm familiar with Bleach so I recall Yoruichi, Byakuya, Kisuke, Soifon and Nanao.
9/25/2020 c19 Guest
Excelente fic man, ¿ lo piensas seguir escribiendo o lo dejas por aquí?
Excelente fic man, ¿ lo piensas seguir escribiendo o lo dejas por aquí?