for The Raikage7/26/2019 c2 Guest
So Mei Terumi isn’t the Mizukage ? If she is then why would she have a bloodline hater under her command ? Let’s not forget that she was the leader of the bloodline rebels before she defeated Yagura and became the Mizukage. Also, I’m only going to read the rest of this to see how you develop the plot not for any other reason, you’re grammar, spelling, word choice and sentence structure all suck. I would suggest taking English lessons.
So Mei Terumi isn’t the Mizukage ? If she is then why would she have a bloodline hater under her command ? Let’s not forget that she was the leader of the bloodline rebels before she defeated Yagura and became the Mizukage. Also, I’m only going to read the rest of this to see how you develop the plot not for any other reason, you’re grammar, spelling, word choice and sentence structure all suck. I would suggest taking English lessons.
7/24/2019 c2 
3XXxxxadisxxxXX
Yep, I'm already done with this. You had (I timed how long it took to read) over 45 min of exposition. Followed by multiple flashbacks. Also, it feels like you did not read over this after your first draft at all. There are words that are in the wrong tense multiple times as well as words that are just used completely wrong. I like the concept though so props for that. One last thing is your overall story order is just egregious. You pushed together everything that was boring and all of the action scenes right after another.
3XXxxxadisxxxXXYep, I'm already done with this. You had (I timed how long it took to read) over 45 min of exposition. Followed by multiple flashbacks. Also, it feels like you did not read over this after your first draft at all. There are words that are in the wrong tense multiple times as well as words that are just used completely wrong. I like the concept though so props for that. One last thing is your overall story order is just egregious. You pushed together everything that was boring and all of the action scenes right after another.
7/24/2019 c19 2AbsoluteZero77
Yoh ! I like your job and it's a beautiful story you're writing I wait for the next chapter impatiently does not make us wait too much
2AbsoluteZero77Yoh ! I like your job and it's a beautiful story you're writing I wait for the next chapter impatiently does not make us wait too much
7/21/2019 c4 Eaken
I can't read this, I tried but I can't.
It doesn't feel like fanfiction it feels like a dictionary. Massive amounts of unecessary information, gigantic info dumps, descriptions of shit no one will ever remember, yikes.
I can't read this, I tried but I can't.
It doesn't feel like fanfiction it feels like a dictionary. Massive amounts of unecessary information, gigantic info dumps, descriptions of shit no one will ever remember, yikes.
7/14/2019 c2 Sypho Dias
Wait so... mei is not the godaime mizukage? And who is naruto, the raikage or blue lightning? This chapter was utterly boring though. And the fight scene was kinda bad. They did not fight like anbu but like mere genin. And... I had so many things to say but kinda forgot them... hehe.
Wait so... mei is not the godaime mizukage? And who is naruto, the raikage or blue lightning? This chapter was utterly boring though. And the fight scene was kinda bad. They did not fight like anbu but like mere genin. And... I had so many things to say but kinda forgot them... hehe.
7/6/2019 c18 nessiesmith2012
Kinda runied it here. Naruto allows his kids to barge in on a meeting with foreign rulers? Even the brat that triped on his scarf only barged in on meeting with other leaf members. This justmakes me think of naruto being stupid and over indulgent. Spoiled brats always irritate but in a military run village during a military metting that should shame naruto with the wy they act.
Kinda runied it here. Naruto allows his kids to barge in on a meeting with foreign rulers? Even the brat that triped on his scarf only barged in on meeting with other leaf members. This justmakes me think of naruto being stupid and over indulgent. Spoiled brats always irritate but in a military run village during a military metting that should shame naruto with the wy they act.
6/23/2019 c1 MpartyAnimal1569
The story was nice until you started explaining everything in too much detail which made the story kinda boring
The story was nice until you started explaining everything in too much detail which made the story kinda boring
6/16/2019 c3 thegrison
Was a ok to good story INTIL you started having BLEACH mixed in. Totally killed a good story. Why did you do that? Bleach and Naruto do NOT mix well.
Was a ok to good story INTIL you started having BLEACH mixed in. Totally killed a good story. Why did you do that? Bleach and Naruto do NOT mix well.
5/16/2019 c2 Guest
I really like the premise for this fic. Your grammar, however, as well your spelling, sentence structure and word choice are very poor. I would suggest getting a beta as well reading actual novels and books rather fan fiction so as to get a feel for how an actual story is properly written.
I really like the premise for this fic. Your grammar, however, as well your spelling, sentence structure and word choice are very poor. I would suggest getting a beta as well reading actual novels and books rather fan fiction so as to get a feel for how an actual story is properly written.
5/15/2019 c3 Guest
You DO realize that "Sairento Kiringu" is just "silent killing" with a Japanese accent, yea? It's not an exotic name that needs translation.
You DO realize that "Sairento Kiringu" is just "silent killing" with a Japanese accent, yea? It's not an exotic name that needs translation.
5/4/2019 c19 Csw
The story so far is excellent I do hold out hope that you will continue the story but I don't hold much hope it being 5 years without update at least continue the next chapter to where we know whether or not Naruto gives Hinata a chance
The story so far is excellent I do hold out hope that you will continue the story but I don't hold much hope it being 5 years without update at least continue the next chapter to where we know whether or not Naruto gives Hinata a chance
5/3/2019 c5 Guest
lmao who is Tsuande and Kureani? What do you mean by writing 'dose' instead of 'does' and why do you write huge blocks of paragraphs just describing who a person is? Why do you make everyone 10x dumber?
lmao who is Tsuande and Kureani? What do you mean by writing 'dose' instead of 'does' and why do you write huge blocks of paragraphs just describing who a person is? Why do you make everyone 10x dumber?
4/14/2019 c19 Guest
Where’s the next one
Where’s the next one