for Kitara, the Fox Kunoichi12/31/2019 c1 ass
great story.
great story.
8/17/2019 c1 Iyashinoaya
Not gonna lie, reading this cause Kitara is my daughter's name!
Not gonna lie, reading this cause Kitara is my daughter's name!
6/20/2019 c1 etf
why you pair her up with that uchiha faggot motherfucker needs to die or be erased from the story just hate that duck haired faggot tired of reading about him getting with fem naruto
why you pair her up with that uchiha faggot motherfucker needs to die or be erased from the story just hate that duck haired faggot tired of reading about him getting with fem naruto
5/5/2016 c5 Guest
Your summary is really bad/horrible.
Your summary is really bad/horrible.
12/8/2012 c1 Sigh
I have looked over a few of the chapters and I have one thing to say:
There are not enough details. You do no go into her life beyond the surface of it, getting by with just summarizing it, and I can't get enough details to understand KITARA'S personally past the basics. What's her fovorite color? Does she have anyone she is friends with besides her team and Team Gai? Those are important details that ever story needs!
I have looked over a few of the chapters and I have one thing to say:
There are not enough details. You do no go into her life beyond the surface of it, getting by with just summarizing it, and I can't get enough details to understand KITARA'S personally past the basics. What's her fovorite color? Does she have anyone she is friends with besides her team and Team Gai? Those are important details that ever story needs!
3/31/2011 c5 
2ImSorryForLeavingYou
I'll be blunt and to the point in my review. Please don't take any offense because of that.
You concentrate too much on your OC Tojiro or something. No one cares about him. No one. He's just a filler third teammate that must only be mentioned when necessary.
Kitara/FemNaru's mentality is not completely unbelievable, but needs refinement. You need to ask yourself why she always wants to be 'of use to her teammates' or 'stronger to spar with sasuke and help him get revenge'. Does she not have her own purpose in life. Does she even have any sense of self-worth? Always thinking about the unimportant OC and emo-king does not make her a good lead character. Caring about your friends is one thing. ONLY caring about them is another.
You underestimate shadow clone training's results. Badly. Twenty shadow clones every day ten hours for six months is same as four years of non stop chakra control training. You know it is supposed to improve her chakra control much higher than 'slightly better than sasuke'?
I don't care if this is FemNaruSasu. He is not a jerk to her in this fic, so it's okay I guess.
I don't think Kabuto would teach random genin his techniques, but since it's for the main character, I guess exceptions can be made.
The OC I-don't-care-enough-about-to-remember-the-name-Tojiro(?) is able to cast high level genjutsu because? Just having Naru donate chakra to him shouldn't be enough. Not only does he need to learn the genjutsu first, he needs high amounts of chakra control (which he apparantly has better than Kitara because?)...
I hope you capitalize on these points I made and they help you improve, hopefully.
Regards,
AkashXD
2ImSorryForLeavingYouI'll be blunt and to the point in my review. Please don't take any offense because of that.
You concentrate too much on your OC Tojiro or something. No one cares about him. No one. He's just a filler third teammate that must only be mentioned when necessary.
Kitara/FemNaru's mentality is not completely unbelievable, but needs refinement. You need to ask yourself why she always wants to be 'of use to her teammates' or 'stronger to spar with sasuke and help him get revenge'. Does she not have her own purpose in life. Does she even have any sense of self-worth? Always thinking about the unimportant OC and emo-king does not make her a good lead character. Caring about your friends is one thing. ONLY caring about them is another.
You underestimate shadow clone training's results. Badly. Twenty shadow clones every day ten hours for six months is same as four years of non stop chakra control training. You know it is supposed to improve her chakra control much higher than 'slightly better than sasuke'?
I don't care if this is FemNaruSasu. He is not a jerk to her in this fic, so it's okay I guess.
I don't think Kabuto would teach random genin his techniques, but since it's for the main character, I guess exceptions can be made.
The OC I-don't-care-enough-about-to-remember-the-name-Tojiro(?) is able to cast high level genjutsu because? Just having Naru donate chakra to him shouldn't be enough. Not only does he need to learn the genjutsu first, he needs high amounts of chakra control (which he apparantly has better than Kitara because?)...
I hope you capitalize on these points I made and they help you improve, hopefully.
Regards,
AkashXD
11/11/2009 c4 3Soul Painted Black
im not going to whine and complain im actualy going to give a little advise unlike most people focus a little more on naruto and less on team it seems like when i read this story everything just moves to fast and there isnt enough detail in the things there is eg for naruto's med nin training explain by who it doesn't have to be much but a fast oc can leave huge possibility's in the long run but all in all it seems like you where rushing to a event that you didnt reach so my main advise is slow down and explain more and you will have a great story
signing off
sarah
3Soul Painted Blackim not going to whine and complain im actualy going to give a little advise unlike most people focus a little more on naruto and less on team it seems like when i read this story everything just moves to fast and there isnt enough detail in the things there is eg for naruto's med nin training explain by who it doesn't have to be much but a fast oc can leave huge possibility's in the long run but all in all it seems like you where rushing to a event that you didnt reach so my main advise is slow down and explain more and you will have a great story
signing off
sarah
11/10/2009 c4 5RogueNya
Oi Kakashi is an idiot.. He dumps his genin in the middle of unknown territory to train for Chunnin Exams.. That stunt is fine and dandy if they were in Konoha but this is Kiri... *sigh* I wonder who the stand in for the Hokage will be, only one I can guess is Jiraiya maybe...
Anyways great story wonder if Sasuke and Kitara will hook up or maybe Toraji and Kitara... I look forward to seeing what happens in the story.
5RogueNyaOi Kakashi is an idiot.. He dumps his genin in the middle of unknown territory to train for Chunnin Exams.. That stunt is fine and dandy if they were in Konoha but this is Kiri... *sigh* I wonder who the stand in for the Hokage will be, only one I can guess is Jiraiya maybe...
Anyways great story wonder if Sasuke and Kitara will hook up or maybe Toraji and Kitara... I look forward to seeing what happens in the story.
9/16/2009 c3 1Azura Ray
Hmm well I like how the story is going. The first two chapters were general enough to explain everything but not rushed. So keep up the good work =D
1Azura RayHmm well I like how the story is going. The first two chapters were general enough to explain everything but not rushed. So keep up the good work =D
9/15/2009 c2 Liedral
Fanfics need dialog, if there's no dialog then it isn't a fanfic, instead it is a time-line with just events that occur. Seriously, I do not mean to discourage you from writing, but please put a bit more thought and effort into this. If you want an example I would suggest any story written by 'Perfect Lionheart'. And in particular his 'Chuunin Exam Day' or 'Partially Kissed Hero' fanfics. I'd recommend you rereading your stories, then read his, looking at the difference and try to adopt.
May the rest of your chapters improve significantly.
Fanfics need dialog, if there's no dialog then it isn't a fanfic, instead it is a time-line with just events that occur. Seriously, I do not mean to discourage you from writing, but please put a bit more thought and effort into this. If you want an example I would suggest any story written by 'Perfect Lionheart'. And in particular his 'Chuunin Exam Day' or 'Partially Kissed Hero' fanfics. I'd recommend you rereading your stories, then read his, looking at the difference and try to adopt.
May the rest of your chapters improve significantly.
9/15/2009 c1 Liedral
Feels really like a monotone narrating story. I would suggest inserting more feelings to let the reader feel the story happening instead of this one tone straight line story so far.
Feels really like a monotone narrating story. I would suggest inserting more feelings to let the reader feel the story happening instead of this one tone straight line story so far.
9/12/2009 c3 troutman30
I like it, I would have liked more info on Toraji, just now it's he's seems to be there to complete the 3 person team. The one thing I don't miss is the Kyuubi attack or even the rest of the Rookie 9 and I like the fast pace of the story.
I like it, I would have liked more info on Toraji, just now it's he's seems to be there to complete the 3 person team. The one thing I don't miss is the Kyuubi attack or even the rest of the Rookie 9 and I like the fast pace of the story.