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12/1/2018 c4 15She Who Loves Pineapples
All right, I caved and ended up watching those clips before I read this. I’m glad I did, because I wouldn’t have gotten as much out of this if I hadn’t. (Though I’m also kind of mad about the blatant sequel bait making me all curious when for all I know it’ll be another ten years before they make an ACTUAL sequel. And I feel like the first game wrapped up nicely, and I’d always kind of felt like a sequel would be cool but the ending was satisfying. Now the ending is no longer satisfying and the sequel may or may not ever come. And on top of all that, I know it’ll interfere with the way I write my WIP TWEWY fic, no matter how much I try to ignore it. Ah well. ...sorry for rambling off topic. I’ll get to actually reviewing now.)

(By the way, I didn’t review as I read this time.)

Anyway, even with the stuff about hot cocoa and internet speak, I was not expecting where that would end up. I’m surprised about how much sense it made, haha. If i didn’t know better I’d have assumed you wrote this whole thing after playing Final Remix. Like with Coco and Sho BOTH trying to kill Joshua. That just fits too perfectly. I especially like how you incorporated Coco’s cutesy attention-seeking with Beat’s longing to be noticed. That was quite sad.

I like that you’re addressing the question about who a Reaper really is after they’ve consumed or been consumed. I remember feeling like, in Noise of Regalement, even though Neku won against Joshua, it wasn’t really a happy ending. His “self” was essentially dying either way, and it would happen again and again no matter what. In some ways, Beat and Rhyme got a happier ending than Noise of Regalement’s Neku. Their previous selves loved each other, they got to have some final happy moments together and comfort each other before gradually fading into a new person. But that gradualness brings its own kind of sad, too - I could kind of compare it to growing up, that feeling of becoming a new person and losing interest in things you once cared about - but in this case Coco is losing both her sense of self and her best friend.

The idea of Uzuki visiting Kariya’s Noise and feeding him lollipops is cute.

For some reason, I’m charmed by the idea of Sho having been a thug who was partners with a math nerd and then one consumed the other... that could be a whole fic in and of itself.

It would have been interesting to raise the question of how Beat and Rhyme’s parents coped with the situation - what was their understanding of what happened? Were Beat and Rhyme’s bodies ever found, did Rhyme ever try to see them? Etc.

Anyway, about if I would have liked the previous chapter as an ending if there hadn’t been an epilogue... well, I think it worked fine. It was a sad ending, but I’d kind of expected that from the beginning. Things were wrapped up and Rhyme and Beat had both changed internally - Rhyme found her new dream; Beat proved he cared about Rhyme for herself and not just for her attention. As I said, this fits pretty well with A New Day, but the last chapter left off at a good place, too.

Anyway, I’ve enjoyed reading this. I’m glad it got updated and bumped and I saw it. :D
11/25/2018 c3 She Who Loves Pineapples
All right, finally onto this chapter. My apologies again for disappearing for a while.

Hmm, I've never heard of that song or band before, but I'll check it out

[The only time a Noise or Reaper was confirmed dead was when he/she/it dissolved into static. Beat knew that, but he tended to be stupid. He was surprised Neku and Shiki didn't know better though. They were way smarter than he was.] d'aww Beat calling himself stupid breaks my heart T_T

I like how you have Beat’s own thoughts in italics and Rhyme’s thoughts to him in italics and bold

[Minamimoto fell onto all fours, but not because of weakness. The writhing black tattoos now moved to swallow his face, leaving the former official Reaper completely bound by slithering lines. The tattoos on his body then became much more wild, out and lashing about like a black fur of crooked serpents.] I love this description.

["Saving your butts, that's what," Uzuki growled. "What were you guys thinking, running off with all these crazy half-Noise around?"

"Uh…wasn't thinkin' really," admitted Beat.]

I love this haha. Actually I’ve really loved how Uzuki and Beat have interacted in this story in general. Their (sort of) “friendship” in the games was interesting and I always wished for more of it. Like I always thought it was so interesting how Beat was the one who insisted on not erasing those two when you last fight them, even though it was them who killed Rhyme. I think Beat, having been a Reaper, was more capable of understanding their kill or be killed position, how you HAVE to fight players not just to survive, but to really assess what you care about and prioritize and maybe sacrifice your morals to preserve your chance to keep working for your goals. And Beat, also having been the one to stop and realize he couldn’t keep going along with what the Conductor said, and taking the risk of helping Neku instead... I think he was also much better equipped to realize how much bravery that took, and how big of a deal it was for Uzuki and Kariya to call a truce with Neku and Beat and cooperate with them, and why therefore it must not be actually their fault when they go back on that and attack them again soon after. Ah, that’s why I get so sad about Beat thinking of himself as stupid and other characters thinking of him as stupid, because there’s so much he understands but he doesn’t get credit for understanding it just because he doesn’t know how to put it into words and articulate it. T_T ah sorry I’m totally tangenting again but I think you did Beat’s level of understanding pretty well too - he’s not going to cry over Sho, but he’s still uneasy about erasing him because these aren’t normal circumstances, Sho isn’t in control, this is sort of the RG where you can’t just kill people without consequence no matter how crazy, and he’s afraid of Neku and Shiki getting the same treatment. He may not say all that in words out loud, but he definitely has a grasp on the ethics issue here.

It’s hard to imagine Doi and Sho being buddy-buddy (mostly, I think, because it’s hard to imagine Sho having friends - but I think that was addressed in your other fic, that Officers are so solitary because they consume their friends) but if anyone could be Minamimoto’s friend it’s probably him, since he’s so easy going. I wonder if Doi offering himself will actually solve anything, since it seems the problem here is beyond any one Reaper evolving.

Oh man, looks like Beat May bestarting to go through it too... T_T *bites nails*

[Nothing else mattered, including that burdensome racket in the faraway background.] nooooo

["Composer!" shouted Minamimoto loudly, charging for Joshua. "Prepare to be subtracted from existence, radian!"

Joshua raised his hand and blasted Minamimoto with a light beam without even looking. Mr. Doi got in front of his Reaper partner before he could attempt any more attacks.] Ha ha this made me laugh. Also A Sho dialogue.

I wonder how this will turn out. Beat’s stubbornness to not consume his friends is admirable, but as Joshua says, at some point he will have to consume someone or be consumed, and if he doesn’t do what he has to do to maintain the dam, it may burst. His obstinacy in not wanting to consume his friends may put them in greater danger, especially since he’s already almost consumed Rhyme.

I love your headcanon about the different types of imagination; it makes so much sense!

I wonder what’s wrong with Kariya.

Uzuki and Beat talking again. Yay. Uzuki is being quite philosophical, and Beat is being unusually receptive to that.

The fox Noise being Kariya is quite the twist! It makes sense with the way they can use illusions though. Anyway, Beat accepting it and not questioning it is another example of Beat’s understanding of people.

Interesting seeing the state of everyone’s noise, with Rhyme’s being completely dormant. She has no drive anymore, but Uzuki, who is extremely driven, has an active Noise.

[You have saved everyone but yourself, Joshua went on. Now you're turning Noise, and I cannot allow that.] Nooo T_T

[He wasn't at Kat Street anymore, he knew that much. At first there] minor thing, but it’s Cat Street.

[. You push others away and yet you love them more than you do yourself. Or, perhaps I should say, you love their attention and love more than yourself."] that’s harsh, Josh T_T

Okay, I couldn’t keep reviewing line by line after that because I was too caught up in the story. I’ve just got to the transition break where it talks about Mr. Hanekoma... anyway... I want to cry T_T Beat breaking his own Noise to save Rhyme, and those last few moments together... T_T together as themselves, anyway. Beat giving himself up to Rhyme surely proves Joshua wrong about him only valuing people’s attention. He may deeply value that, but well, as Rhyme says, it’s about bonds. Yes, Beat loves being valued, but he’s still capable of selflessness.

And you know, I was kind of suspecting that Joshua had some evil plot he was getting at, just because he did in your other fic... but he was being a little TOO lenient about respecting Beat’s wishes to not consume anyone, which he usually would not be when it comes to his opinions on the best way to get something done. I definitely didn’t suspect this exact thing, and I still want to punch him over it. (Oh, and when he called Rhyme “Persephone” it gave me chills.) You are quite good at portraying the “Composer” side of Joshua’s personality, the side of him under his carefree shell that’s always working towards a goal. You also show this by pointing out the constant control it takes to keep his Noise in check.

So, I guess Kariya just... lost his humanity from refusing to consume anyone for so long . But he seems to be at peace with it. And he still has a few of his old traits left.

["…You may have made a big mistake this time, Josh," he murmured to himself. "People are erased from existence, but not from memories. People don't stop fighting for the people they love just because they're gone. In fact, they fight all the harder for them."]

Aww. I love this as the ending line.

Rhyme seems to have a lot of Beat that’s coming out dominant, to the point that she seems to speak with his
words casually and going to her own voice only when expressing more complicated things. That’s a bit comforting.

Anyway, I’m curious about what the epilogue will be about. :)
11/12/2018 c2 She Who Loves Pineapples
Hah, “Sell Your Soul” by Hollywood Undead is a good theme song for lots and lots of TWEWY fics. I don’t know “Survive” and I’m not a big fan of Lacuna Coil, but I’ll listen to it. Why not.

[It didn’t matter which one spoke, for both were obviously ignoring him as they read about some child prodigy in a newspaper.] Ouch. Nooo, appreciate your kid. T_T Beat is so great and precious. T_T
And Rhyme, being the only one to watch him. T_T Of course Beat would treasure her love for him above all else. He doesn’t have anyone else.

[“Well… you’re dead.”] So blunt. And Kariya, haha, you’re not helping things. Though it doesn’t seem Beat is too offended by the awful jokes. “Dead as last week’s fashion” – OMG.

Ah, so I see Uzuki feeling Beat’s heartbeat was a Chekhov’s gun as well! So his heart “freakin’ exploded” huh? Guess that’s what happened to Kariya earlier, too. Though , it didn’t result in Beat becoming a Noise or becoming locked in the Noise form until he consumed someone.

Yeha, Uzuki being protective of “Skulls” is weird.’

…When was the last time anyone saw Rhyme? Is SHE okay…?

Beat’s glad to see Joshua… huh, well, I don’t think Joshua is going to be as helpful as Beat hopes.
Like a cat with a mouse, huh? Wonder if Joshua has a feline noise.
Oh good, Rhyme is alive. For now. T_T

I love how casual Joshua is about revealing himself to Uzuki. Interesting thing about the Reaper seal thingy.
Aw, even though Josh isn’t really actively trying to be unhelpful this time, looks like he’s stumped as well. I thought people just ATTRACT Noise when they’re stressed and it feeds off their negative emotions.
So, backlash from the red skull pins huh? I love your tak o n the lroe thate way.

Also really interesting about Neku being what kept Beat from fading away during their week together. Awww… poor Neku.

And what, Beat was STILL draining him even after the game? T_T Oh my gosh… poor Beat, this will probably not help his self estemm much.

So, Doi and Pi-Face used to be partners too huh? Aw… that’s sad. I can kind of see how e and Beat might be similar if Minamimoto was less… crazy. Though, Miniamimoto is really obsessive, which would translate to “passionate” without the craziness… which might have some tangential relation to Rhyem’s situation, in theme if not in actual plot relatedness.

[Beat eventually did stop, but not for th e sake of his sister. He stopped because he tripped aand fell flat on his face.] A HA HA I love how matter of fact that was. Aww sweet Rhyem chasing after Beat again. Just like when they dided.

Well. Shit. That;s about al I can say in regards to Pi Face cornering them…

Anyway, I think everything made sense and DEFINITELY all the characters were in character. Excpet for when they weren’t SUPPOSED to be in character, like Uzuki being all worried about Beat.
11/12/2018 c1 She Who Loves Pineapples
Oh, okay, I’m browsing the TWEWY section, and I notice your username, and remember that you wrote Noise of Regalement which is one of my all-time favorite multichapter fics. And then I notice this is something you’ve published in 2009 and only just recently added an epilogue to. So! I’m excited to read it!

I’ve also just checked your profile, and saw that you added the last chapter based on the new content in Final Remix, which I haven’t played… so, I was kind of debating on reading anyway and getting the spoilers, but… meh, it’ll be a while before I have a switch anyway and I want to read this.
…Beat versus Rhyme chapter in Noise of Regalement, huh? Okay, well, I have the theory this fic will tear my heart to pieces. Anyway. Cool.
[Rhyme, his little sister Rhyme, sitting there smiling, was proof enough of that.]
Oh no oh no oh no thi s is horribly foreboding.
I also have a slight suspicion that Neku’s puppy and kitten song is a Chekhov’s gun.
…It amuses me that Hanekoma would literally just tape a note outside his café window saying her was “summoned by higher powers.” I’m imagining some RGer just being like “Yeah, that café guy is weird. I think he’s on something.”
…I love the way Jpsh trolls them my animating their stuff
…”It’s not Rhyme, it’s Raimu” sound s like a weird argument to have out loud when those would be pronounced the exact same way
Haha, Neku and Shiki both getting hit on. Neku should maybe find a different clothing store to work at.
[She hadn’t done any showing off for a while, now that he thought about it. She hadn’t been scampering around either.] NOOO.
It’s her entry fee isn’t it. T_T
HA. HAHA. I’m sorry I love the idea of Beat just slamming into the wall with his skateboard looking for Joshua. And calling him “prissy boy” and just… yeah I am gonna love the characters in this I’m sure.
I don’t want Beat to eat Rhyme though. T_T
…I find it interesting that Kariya messes up by almost saying JOSHUA as opposed to a nickname that he would usually use for people who aren’t Uzuki.
[That unnerved him. He wouldn’t have known they were Reapers if they hadn’t changed back into human form. He wouldn’t have known they were Noise if he had just met them on the street when they were human. He wouldn’t have known in a moment that they could have become monsters, demons, and attack him while he was in the UG.] – This is also extremely foreboding eeeeeh. Or like, foreshadowing that Beat may turn into a noise without knowing it. Anyway seems odd that Joshua would meet with his Reapers, and especially that he’d do so with them in Noise form.
[But wasn’t interested in knowing everything, but he didn’t like not knowing that.] – This like shows Beat’s character a lot – he doesn’t necessarily pursue knowledge for the sake of knowledge, at least nt in a major pace, but he likes knowing about the people around him. Who they are, where do they stand, can he trust them? On top of that, he’s quite in tune with people aat least on a level of whether he should consider them friend or foe – he may miss nuance sometimes in people’s words but he tends to have a grasp on intentions.

I likek the detail about the piranhas following him. …Anyway, recruiting mission eh? This also might be interesting.

….Damn, that is some interesting shit about how, hey, most people lose part of themselves. But Neku lost Shiki – ALL of Shiki. And also, all the Players. Their whole existances. But Beat? Beat lost Rhyme’s love for him. Not Rhyme herself. I never thought too much about that. Most people just go with the explanation of “Oh yeah ,M egumi had to take Shiki as the entry fee to cover his ass since he cant’ resurrect, and he took all the players because he was getting desperate for excuses to just take Neku out. And that all might be true. But I like the idea that there’s more to it. I like that you’re digging into it.

Of course, I wonder if Joshua has any other reason to point this out to Beat, besides to be a dick (which is also a completely plausibl reason for him.) How much of this is the plain truth and how much is Joshua twisting things to make Beat feel bad? To convince Beat that he has to do something to aatone, perhaps? I’m not sure.
…Hmm, Skulls doesn’t really seem like something Uzuki would call Beat. Not rude enough. I could see her sticking with Freshmeat or Rottenmeat even after it doesn’t make sense… or having that morph into Meathead.
Neku’s spaciness is making me think there definitely was something more to that puppy and kitten song. That definitely struck me as odd behavior right off the bat, though also, something Neku’s actual friends wouldn’t think too much about right away.
And Shiki sketching design ideas rather than sewing as she normally would… there might be something to tht, too..
…Wait, Ken Doi suddenly knows all about Reapers? Like, I wouldn’t be surprised as there was some implication that he knew more than he let on, but have him talking about it casually with the other characters like an expert was a bit jarring.
…Beat’s thoughts in regard to the Porcupine noise that was 777 definitely didn’t sound like Beat. That was probably his own inner Noise coming out in response to his friend’s noise…
…Yeah, Neku and Shiki are both being extremely strange… some weird imprint going over the town, I bet. Related to the raven pin maybe.
Awww Beat’s guilt over Rhyme having died… T_T

…Hmm, wait a minute, I wonder if Uzuki has already consumed Kariya and is lying about it for some reason. I dunno. It would explain why she would call him Skulls. Also that last little bit at the end, making a cryptic subtle comment and smirking, sounds a bit like Kariya as well. And as she said herself, it’s not all that like Uzuki to confide in Beat – though that might be an effect of the strange imprint the whole city seems to have, if anything, or caused by Kariya not being around, because this is something she would usually tell him.

…Sounds like Uzuki HASN’T consumed Kariya, from the next scene. Oh, and she does call him meathead. Haha.

[“Hell yeah! Take that, noobs!”

“That wasn’t a compliment, y ou know.”


HAHA I love that. That is perfect.

…Ken Doi knowing everything is still weird though.

Hmm, sounds like Kariya’s inner Noise is being affected by the weird imprint. And I wonder why that would stop the Player Pins from working. Hm, I mean, I guess, usually, the Player Pins prevent being scanned, being effected by the O-pins, and whatnot. So, pins can cancel eah other out. So I gues s this pin, or whatever is the source of the imprint, is overpowering the Player Pins. So I also wonder – is Joshua behind this? I’m sure he knows something about it by now, if nothing else. Perhaps the Reapers he was trying to recruit were to fight whatever this is. (And you know, considering it’s all graffiti, that also makes me wonder if Mr H is doing it. He could have any number of reasons for having disappeared, but I’m sure it’s SOMETHING related.)

The idea o f Beat trying to set a good example for Rhyme by going to school and just persisting just melts by heart. T_T He just wants to be a good big brother now that he has her back.

I wonder why Beat isn’t effected. He may not be AS creative as Neku and Shiki and the other people affected, but surely he’s not the least creative person in Shibuya. I also wonder why he hasn’t made the connection between the weird graffiti thing and something screwey in the UG. I know making connections isn’t exactly his greatest strength, but still. As far as Rhyme not being effected… I can only assume that’s because of her ambition being taken away.
That scene with Neku and the graffiti wolf thing was chilling.
…Ah, sO beat is effected. Just a bit more slowly.

…Ah, so the Mr. Doi knowing abot the game thing is addressed. I guess it would figure that Beat would be REALLY slow to catch on to that and ask about it. xD

…Ah, as soon as I read about mannequins coming alive and stealing stuff, I thought of Shiki and how hse had animated Mr. Mew. So, I’m not surprised her designs are coming to life too. Also makes me doubt it was really Joshua animating their schools supplies in the beginning of the chapter. Though I totally understand why everyone would point fingers at him without any other evidence. Who else would do that, after all?

I’ve also wondered if Neku has parents, Beat.

Interesting that Uzuki would feel Beat’s heartbeat when pacted to him. Sort of like a metaphor for them sharing a hit point counter (or “life force” or something.) ’ve always wondered how many of those bodily functions one would keep in the UG, and if it might be different for Players and Reapers.

I love the idea that the partners can’t see each other when thyee’re fighting a Noise, by the way. I guess, in hindsight, it totally makes sense. But I don’t ever see that utilized.

I also love Uzuki’s snappiness and wittiness while fighting. Actually I just love Uzuki a lot an d the way you write her is wonderful.

Aahh, that last scene was hillimg. Beat slowly and so subtly starting to see wthings in a werid insane way, jst like everyone else.

Anyway. I’m gonna reply to your author’s notes even though I realize this chapter and therefore the notes are ancient.

I definitely noticed the fish following you around, and because they DO follow you and see you, it would only make sense that they were noise fihs. Though I don’t know why the Composer wouldn’t have normal fish, I don’t think normal fish have psychic powers to see the UG.

…As far as Mr. Doi goes, I definitely think he was a former player. I think he resisted the pin only because he was only outside for a moment, but I think he had a past life. Mostly because of how the Prince is around him. The Prince being all,, “Oh my gosh, Sebastien, is that really you!?” definitely raised some questions. And Sebastien is a stereotypical butler name. And Doi completely took it in stride when the Prince called him that. So I’m assuming Doi used to be a butler or domestic cook named Sebastien who, after winning the game, used his newfound creative inspiration to open his own ramen shop instead. I’ve also considered that not every resurrected player actually resumes their own life – maybe some of them are essentially reincarnated, though perhaps with memories and falsified ID, because in some cases it would be too hard to erase someone’s entire death. (Like, if someone was dying of a terminal illness, how do you erase everything that was ever effected by that?)

The noise in shadow thing makes a LOT of sense. I love it.

And the titles of the chapters… clearly come from the game’s soundtrack!

Anyway, great chapter; I’m greatly looking forward to consuming the rest of this story. 8D
(Holy mackerel, this review is five pages in microsoft word.)
4/29/2013 c3 6Alyss Penedo
Welll...damn. Just, seriously
-I don't even know anymore.

When I first started reading Noise of Regalement, I thought that consumption was an interesting, if slightly outlandish, idea. Then I hit the ending, and am completely mind-f*cked.
Now I read this, and suddenly consumption make SO MUCH SENSE. And I almost /want/ this to be the way it works in-game, because otherwise this fic is not canon-icly possible.
2/9/2012 c3 233The Genius Mage
Oh wow.

I've been really busy as of late, but as I finally got the time to sit down and read some stories I've missed, I realized this had updated.

Incredible! As always. I mean really, I can't...the words...I have no words for how breathtaking and exciting this story is. Fantastic work!
1/30/2012 c3 30er0
(Also there's a section where there's a spoiler. Read carefully, it'll be marked.)

All spoiler crap before the warning has been marked in code to where it would make a lot less sense unless you read it.)

Well I have to say that chapter was quite a ride. Let's go over the chapter.

Beginning: It was all setting up what was going to happen. We got action and we got hints of the future. We even got set up into the future. I'd be careful to say that everything in the story fits together, but it may well be true. I felt the passion at the end and it's still got me shaken.

Middle: This was the explanation. This was the biggest plottwist. This was the part where "the guy" would say: NOT POSSIBLE! You and all your fans can tell you: Denied! Now I understand the system you came up with. Creation vs. Destruction. It seemed that Beat's hidden destructive power came to use. Although even I raised an eyebrow when his ability could "Break rules." I'm glad you understood the implications. Being able to do that would ultimately make him a threat to Shibuya.

End: It was awesome and emotional... but it left a bad taste in my mouth. It needs a little more at the end. I'm no sure if you were thinking about an epilogue, but I would certainly appreciate it. On the subject of beat umm... (I'll write in code to prevent spoilers)"not making it through the class" He could have been the one to "pass the class", but he let his sister take "the paper" and she "passed with it". Him "failing the class" was his act of grace to his sister. But even so... I feel you could have written in a way where he didn't have to downright "fail". I mean you could have made it to where he couldn't do anything anymore, but be alive. IDK that's just me not liking bad endings.

Yes we had a sad ending. But we have a huge implication of something greater about to go down. That implication implies a story all on it's own. A story that my sleeping meds are starting to force me to dream up... No I can't... I'd miss one of my favorite TWEWY characters.

Comment that requires the use of spoilers



However I have to wonder if the whole thing could have been avoided if Johua just rezzed Beat back to his human form. Joshua's reasoning could have been they were playing a game (of sorts) which she won. And he returned her "price" Or hell just rezzed him because of everything he did for Shibuya. He'd probably use Beat as a means to control her or keep her from disobeying him. But this is just an idea I had. I don't think it could even be implemented. But at least it'd keep your many beat fans happy. Because it really does suck he had to die.


I got a melancholy feeling about the story. I'm wishing there could have been an ending that were cool, and it is cool. But not quite so bad. I'm not sure if changing the ending would be a good idea anyway.

Overall great chapter despite the ending. I'm going to give it a 9/10 and it's because of the ending. The whole story as a whole earns a... 9(and some fraction)/10 The second chapter wasn't as good as this one for sure. But the ending was a downright bummer, still I can't say it wasn't fitting and didn't have impact. But stories that leave a bad taste in my mouth and often leave a bad taste about the rest of the story. It's why I won't some anime's that have been suggested. The ending was shit. It's why otherwise perfect movies piss my friends off. The ending of suckerpunch was shit.

Your ending wasn't shit... but it leaves in a foul mood. But the idea of an a plot against Joshua puts me in a good mood.

In the end excellently done I enjoyed the read. I'm going to attempt to try to convince you to change the ending at some point... but ultimately it's your call and I have no say so on the matter.

I do have a say so over how worth reading this story is regardless. It was great, I really liked it. It was hard to stop reading and I don't get that a lot. You got talent and you have some truly epic ideas. This is I'd say THE most original TWEWY story I've read that stayed true to the characters. You added depth to characters without changing them and you did a lot of stuff that makes a fellow author proud. I salute this story and encourage anyone reading this monster of a review to take a look at the story.

0er0 approved!


PS: Rhyme has the same psych ability that popped up in my story... and I dare say we think alike in at least some ways. I know you didn't get the idea from there. But I found that mildly amusing
1/30/2012 c2 0er0
A very good chapter sir, however you did not beat your last chapter, because explanation chapters can hardly match the attention grabbing surprise of the previous.

Overall the plot quality is the same as the previous and it's even less sudden. A lot happened this chapter, but at lot more happened in the previous. Even so that is the nature of any chapter 2.

The thing I feel what may have happened is the previous chapter built up my hopes way too high and you've matched it. But for some reason I think I'm going to be less Wowed despite you doing a great job. Competing against yourself is a bitch. I'm going to try to be accurate, but I think I really amped myself up too much before reading this.

but let's go over the points you asked about.

Explanations: They make sense. I at the very least understood everything even if I wouldn't actually agree with it. I think if anyone has any issues with explanations it'd once again be "the guy". HE'S BACK!

Plotwise the story is heating up and I appreciate having at least a mild understanding of what's going on. I do feel a little down that everything turned out to be something that wasn't planned at all and I was hoping it'd be some sort of supervillian, but I can't have everything I want. In fact most of the worst stuff in the world that happened, wasn't planned by anybody. I did however get many other things I was hoping for.

1) Joshua's intervention. I was hoping he'd be more of a badass when he showed up, but I guess even he isn't a match for all the supernoise.

2) A new and original threat. I have seen noise be the villian many a time, but making the threat RG is a delightful.

3) The hero is Beat, a character I feel has been underappreciated. He's often a side character and instead of Neku saving the Day it's up to him.

4) Sho Mina(f-ing)moto I need not say more.

Honestly the one thing that I have a question about is Neku being unable to release noise. Granted I'm not saying it couldn't happen. I'm just a little unsure how he wouldn't have noticed what was going on. To me I would think Neku would be the last to change, even given the context. Still I can't say I'd sacrifice the drama of Beat going to Neku for help only to see... you know.

As far as chapters go, this one earns the second place trophy from the two chapters I've read, but nevertheless explanations took up a good part of the chapter, which are needed but are not exciting. The quality of writing is only slightly lower in this chapter than the first. I'm not saying it's bad, but I can tell you were in a lot better frame of mind during your first chapter. I can even be bold enough to say you were more excited when writing the first chapter.

Still you're competing with yourself and you're doing a damned good fanfic. I will read the next chapter perhaps after I go to the dollar movie. And of course if you need any help let me know. Sorry if I wasn't quite as praiseworthy this review, and usually I'd review everything at the end. But I thought since this is 3 chapters I'd just review all three. Excellent job my friend, I'll be reading the next one soon. I give this chapter a 9/10.

PS: I'm not sure why but I feel like an asshole for saying all that. .

1/29/2012 c1 0er0
I'm surprised I can even call myself a fanfiction reader when this story has escaped my notice for so long. I'm glad I found it and upset I didn't find it sooner. Now for the actual review:

This story is one of the rare cases, (at least for the first chapter) I'd give a five out of five. You had some new and clever ideas without distorting the original characters. You weren't afraid to impress new sides of old characters and you weren't afraid of plot twists. The beginning middle and end compliment each other. The beginning sets up the mood and captures interest. It implies what may happen later without making it obvious and it certainly kept my interest the whole read.

The middle is where things started to change, the implications grew greater and the theory of consumption is introduced. I'd have to say it's fitting given the reaper's game. It's a sound theory and definitely something that could easily add a sublime element to an already excellent blend. As far as the characters go, you stuck with them enough to make me believe it's something that they'd do. You didn't change the characters as it suited your fancy and you definitely stayed true to TWEWY. As far as new elements I wouldn't change a thing.

The end was the chaotic part. I could see shit flying over my head and going into the spinning fan. I... I didn't really, but that's what it felt like. Everything came together in a grueling mix of chaos and consequence. The shift was sudden, but at the same time it didn't need to be stalled out. The mood of the story took a twist for the better and better is of course better.

Now as for the debatable stuff: The noise fish... not likely but definitely a nice touch. I like your version better than the real thing. I could easily say they weren't normal fish in fact I'd be annoyed if they were normal fish in the COMPOSER'S pad. Anything normal needs to be tossed out the damned window. The noise fish was a nice touch. However I can see someone nutcase arguing with you about it... it'd probably be the same guy who points out Mr. Doi doesn't cook curry in anything other than the alternate universe. If you run into that guy tell him to piss off, because creative development takes precedence over fear of taking the story more serious his science book.

I think I could agree to some extent that Mr. Doi was special in some way. I'm glad you decided to give him some backstory, it's well within your rights. Again if "the guy" shows up and complains about you adding stuff, direct him to the logout button so he can leave this lovely website. Fanfiction is about adding new stuff to a pre-made story.

Overall I give you a 10 out of 10 on the 0er0 scale. You win the medal of honor for overall best first chapter I've read. I grant you this cookie shaped medal in honor of the cookie I won guessing how you picked your titles. I give you kudos for your work on this chapter and I will read (and review) the rest of your story at a later date.

For now I need to go write some more and probably take a nap. If there's anything I can do to help you with any story you're working on, let me know: I have no life. Well... I do... but I'm a grade A multitasker. This is a Grade A story and it has earned a (rarely given) 0er0's stamp of approval.
1/23/2012 c3 PurplePurplePurple

those are my feeling put into english. or possibly latin. i'm not quite sure at this point. this was 3 chapters of AWESOMENESS. i'm both happy and sad to see it's end.
1/14/2012 c3 27P.T. Piranha
Well then. I liked this story.

It worked with repercussions of the game's events, seemed thought out, went certain directions with the characters I liked, and no one seemed too out of character.

My only problem was what happened with Beat. Poor, poor Beat. But I guess it does leave the story with more of an impact.
1/13/2012 c2 P.T. Piranha
Huh. The explanation for this conflict seems well thought out. Then again I'm new to the fandom having only just watched the game online a few days ago, but still you had to have taken a good amount of time to make sure it made sense.
1/13/2012 c3 HH
Nooooooooo sad end. D=

Beat gave so much, even in the end. This really was a gripping read, well done you.
12/18/2011 c2 PurplePurplePurple
In explaining things and making things make sense you've managed to melt my brain. This is a work of pure genius.
7/30/2011 c2 7Kipper Snack
"WHY HAS NOBODY REVIEWED THIS YET?" I scream in disbelief at the unjust display of ignorance before me, tearing my hair out and craaaaaaaaaaaaaaawling in my skin.

Seriously this is the best, the TWEWY fanfic section needs less fics about romance and more fics about INSANITY and NOISE and STUFF

the mechanics are obviously very good; everything out of Joshua's mouth sounds like a wikipedia article, as usual.

everything is perfectly in character I guess, wow wow so amazing wow, I love the explanation for the half-noise and how going Reaper is like going ghost; and also Beat's scream of SOUL PAIN, and everything, and basically everything is great

the only thing it could use a little more of is description I guess, but it's pretty amazing anyway

and JEEZ I just love the slow crumbling into insanity, this is great and you are great

All TWEWY fics should be more like this, and I love it okay and keep writing it or I'll be sad and cry tears of bitter, bitter sad jelly
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