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for Tell Me That You Hate Me

12/18/2009 c1 13hopexescaliber
lol, it's kind of adorable ^-^
10/28/2009 c1 2HaPpY bAcKwArDs
that was so cute! change it to a story!
10/5/2009 c1 4soccergirl56
LOL! that was cute! XD!
10/3/2009 c1 Juleskat101
lmao! xD So cute! They should do this in the real show! xD Very kawaii!
10/2/2009 c1 12xRinrinx3
Okay, I understand the 'random story' thing, but this was a real eyesore. By the way, I'm gonna be very straightforward in this review.

1. Your summary was the worst I have ever read. THE WORST. Do you know what a summary is? Technically, your story does not even have a summary.

2. Grammar for dialogue needs help. Did you also notice that you've spelled 'goddammit' wrong? Your tenses need work as well. You switch back and forth from past to present. Reading in present tense makes it sound weird.

3. Yes, it was very OOC. Not somewhat, but very. Rima is cold and easily annoyed, but she does not express her feelings so strongly. Nagi would not tease Rima unless she started the fight.

4. ...to...many...of...these...in...your...fic...

It looks very unattractive.

5. Your word choices and sentences are not good. There's no real emotion in this fic. Your story is very flat and boring. It's like reading 2nd grade writing. This was supposedly pointless fluff, but I didn't see anything that makes this worth reading. The 'Yes! No! Fine! Fine!' parts that were supposed to make it more suspenseful or whatnot actually only made it more facepalm-worthy. Have you ever watched "Sonny With a Chance" when Chad and Sonny say things to each other like that? *Rolls eyes* And not everything in your story made sense. Nagihiko never winning those staring contests doesn't make him a sore loser. To be honest, staring at the ceiling is literally more amusing compared to reading your story.

6. " “.Ow?” He laughs." That was a very stupid line. Also, the period was in the wrong place. =_="

7. Avoid abusing the vowels on your keyboard.

8. "He. Did. Not. Just. Say. That." The choppy period effect only works for very short sentences about three words.

I hope you can take my constructive criticism graciously. Yes, you story can be a random idea that popped out of your head, but please EDIT it rather than posting it up raw. Even the most random crackfics should be spelled and punctuated correctly.

-Rinrin
9/21/2009 c1 1OhSnapDragon
Aw that was so cute and funny too!

Hope you could do more one shots like this!

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