for Why did you save me2/5/2010 c1 tilisha
beautiful.
beautiful.
11/10/2009 c1 
20Chiiiiiiiiiiii
The biggest problem I have with this is that there are no line breaks. It makes it really hard to read. It took me several tries to get through it, mainly because of the lack of organization.
Next, maybe it's just me but Vice is very OOC to me. Granted, his character hasn't fully been developed in the manga, but he was too warm in my eyes. Also, lack of strong emotions and general badass.
He seems too nice.
Your OC could use some development as well- she seems a little... flat.
If you need a beta, I wouldn't mind doing so.
And if you think I'm wrong in anything I've said, reply to this. I don't want to come off as rude or egotistical.
20ChiiiiiiiiiiiiThe biggest problem I have with this is that there are no line breaks. It makes it really hard to read. It took me several tries to get through it, mainly because of the lack of organization.
Next, maybe it's just me but Vice is very OOC to me. Granted, his character hasn't fully been developed in the manga, but he was too warm in my eyes. Also, lack of strong emotions and general badass.
He seems too nice.
Your OC could use some development as well- she seems a little... flat.
If you need a beta, I wouldn't mind doing so.
And if you think I'm wrong in anything I've said, reply to this. I don't want to come off as rude or egotistical.