4/16/2011 c1 1Arc-Angel-Of-Fire
Hurry up

9/15/2010 c2 FenrirCrinos
buen capitulo, espero los proximos

chao

6/30/2010 c2 3Reishin Amara
dang it.i thought this would be longer.XD

5/10/2010 c1 2popcornsutton
:)

4/2/2010 c3 readingReality
cool

2/3/2010 c3 1Lord Sia
Ok... I liked the concept... And, um... The idea? Oh, and your spelling and grammar are ok...

So... Criticism Time!

One, general BS plotholes. Why have Naruto regress in age and arrive in a flash of light? Shy not just have his spirit be reborn, voíla, easy reason why the Kyuubi went - he died in the "Space Between Realities". It also offers the option of having his memories return slowly, in flashes or glimpses in his dreams, hence why he 'grows up' but slowly begins to remember who he *was*, which solves two other problems on the list. Also, why would he be pissed at Gendo? It was Yui who was his 'mother figure', Gendo was the infertile guy who was married to her. No connection, no reason to get pissed, espevially when Naruto apparently went around proving that he could take care of himself. Sure, the man's still an asshole, but what makes it personal?

Second, why would Naruto go with Misato? Big Fucking Tailed Beast (Without Tail), and Naruto just leaves? Hell, what about his summons? Do they exist in another Reality (in which case he can still access them and make use of the Contract) or another Plane tied to his original Reality (in which case he can't)? Either way, you #KNOW# he wouldn't leave when there's a big attack. And you also know that Naruto with access to the Kyuubi's chakra would have a better than even chance of killing the Angel with a surprise attack. Need I remind you of the Four Tail Mode's Big Blast, the one that broke the Three Gates of Hell?

Then the whole debacle with Hikari. If we assume Naruto was just shy of twenty when his original world ended, he's then spent four or five years living the childhood he never had, before going on to work and study for ten years or so. That gives him a mental age of at least thirty, possibly as much as forty, his teenaged body notwithstanding. Show me a thirty-year-old who is genuinly in love with a highschool girl 'at first sight', and I'll show you a creepy ephebophile. If it isn't love, just lust, then that's actually a little better, though still creepy.

The whole thing with his mother's soul, perfect sync and that is also weird. How does it work? Is the whole AT Field related to Chakra? If not, why is he so good at it? And Naruto, now having more Chakra than ever, was never known for his precise control anyway. Can he use the EVA as a proxy for making Jutsu? Can he channel Chakra into the beast and bypass the limitation of the umbilical cable?

Finally, writing. Apart from the plotholes and general "bad style" (my opinion, which probably isn't worth even assuming you're still reading this), is short. Too short. You cut out a lot of descriptions, actions, expressions, surroundings, interactions, you name it. It's almost like an outline or a movie script than actual litterature (and I know it's a "Fanfic", doesn't keep me from treating it like a story transmitted through the medium of the written word). Flesh it out! Add detail! Even if you don't adhere to the original (in fact, that makes it better!), writing out more detail is generally better (and no, there is such a thing as "too much detail", but it's a rare condition, like "vitamin overdose").

I write the criticism in the hope that you'll take some of it to heart and use it to improve your writing. It's all just my opinion though, and despite me aiming for the position of teacher, I'm not there yet, so it's probably best to take my advice with a grain of salt. As stated above, I liked the idea, and it's not the worst I've read, but I think you could do much better.

1/6/2010 c3 1Leaprechaun1
Please update soon!