for The Girl in the Mirror3/15/2010 c1 
2Sons of Ocelot
Hello, remember me?
I read through your story and thought it was quite interesting. The idea that mirrors are actually portals to another world or dimension seems endlessly entertaining to me.
I did notice a few grammar mistakes, but that is only to be expected (everyone does it). Also it seems that you tend to "tell" instead of "show". Really I don't know how to explain this concept but i'll try anyway: When you "tell" you're doing just that, you're telling you readers how things look. "Show" is more or less the same except that the reader learns how things look and such through the characters recolections and their thoughts on things. Again this is very hard to explain (ask your Creative Writing teacher).
Even despite these small issues though, as I said to start, I found this highly entertaining. Good job!
2Sons of OcelotHello, remember me?
I read through your story and thought it was quite interesting. The idea that mirrors are actually portals to another world or dimension seems endlessly entertaining to me.
I did notice a few grammar mistakes, but that is only to be expected (everyone does it). Also it seems that you tend to "tell" instead of "show". Really I don't know how to explain this concept but i'll try anyway: When you "tell" you're doing just that, you're telling you readers how things look. "Show" is more or less the same except that the reader learns how things look and such through the characters recolections and their thoughts on things. Again this is very hard to explain (ask your Creative Writing teacher).
Even despite these small issues though, as I said to start, I found this highly entertaining. Good job!