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6/17/2018 c2 HoneyBear84
Loved it
3/25/2012 c2 16Alton Cyphers
although out of character for much of the story without note of such, this was a rather nice little snippet.
12/23/2010 c2 3Claire Whitmore
O_o
10/18/2009 c1 fateandmusic
This really wasn't a bad idea, and I liked your story telling. I liked the bed sheet colors ;) , and your use of subtle simplicity is stunning, but some of the words could have been a dictionary more precise. It's common knowledge that a writer should show, not tell, and that the best sex scenes are those that are not written, but giving a brief back round story and then plunging into a sloppy sex scene makes this story a tad disappointing.

For the record, I read the second chapter, and it further proves that you should have read through what you posted as the first chapter and made sure it made sense. A pre-established relationship is fine and dandy, but you could have portrayed the twists and turns that may have occurred along the way instead of ignoring them. A Snarry relationship, especially a true-to-character Snarry relationship, would take a lot more frustration and denial in the beginning. (Take a look at "Pains and Contradictions" by 'atypicalsnowman')

In short, although this story was refreshingly to the point, and I was fully expecting smut, a little backround would have been nice, the first time around. And adding a bit more depth is never a bad thing. :)

fateandmusic
10/13/2009 c2 45David boreanaz's wife247
ah squels love it whens the next one please hurry i wanna read About the wedding or even yet the wedding NIGHT he he lol i'm a sucker for smut lol
10/13/2009 c2 20Chakahlah
Two wonderful chapters!
10/13/2009 c1 Chakahlah
I sure as hell wouldn't mind being the fly on that wall!
10/13/2009 c2 rara999
YAY.

We've never been given a story on request before.

This didn't disappoint.

We like how Severus refuses to believe he likes Harry at first - this is just how we imagined it!

Well done,

RA

PS - We're glad you found your chocolate.
10/12/2009 c1 Hericus C
Nice smut.
10/12/2009 c2 OwensMom1308
I liked this story, it could use a little work but otherwise, it was great! Maybe you should do something a little more with it?
10/12/2009 c1 rara999
You want 'to' find your chocolate, not 'too'. And it's 'yaoi'.

But we still love you.

We especially like the Ravenclaw colours on the bed. Well done with that idea.

We don't really care much for the sex description, but that could be personal preference. It seemed rather formulaic.

The line about Severus 'carding my hands through Harry's hair' stuck out to us - we liked it a lot.

This is fine for what it is, but we always hanker for backstory. We're pernickety like that, especially when the ship is not canon, or logically deduced from canon.

Well done!

RA
10/12/2009 c1 76Keppiehed
I laughed when you wrote "he set me straight"...no pun intended, I assume?

Other than a few misspellings, pretty hot stuff you got yourself there!
10/12/2009 c1 Karma2Ualwayz
Awz!

so kewt and hawt

makes mim luv fridays even more.lolz

xD

~Karma
10/12/2009 c1 45David boreanaz's wife247
wicked
10/11/2009 c1 6MistOfHeaven
lol cute

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