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for Fleeting Existence

10/28/2009 c1 hpgirl18
Yay! A posted story. The plot's nice so far, but you need a beta. I could help if you'd like? Looking forward to more soon!
10/21/2009 c1 middleman
Yay you posted it. OK, don't take this the wrong way.

'covered in blood and buses.' I think is meant to be bruises.

'it was all too obverse' umm 'obvious' i think and

'discovered around his precent' I think you mean 'precinct'

Other than that great. I look forward to more.

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