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10/25/2009 c1 106LaPaige
This is sweet :) I love how you write this and the detail is woven in and Justin saves her and makes her a better person. :) Awesome writing.
10/23/2009 c1 28Camy99
Oh Disney, look what you make us do. I was so happy when I saw you wrote a Jalex fic! And wow, I did not see this coming though. Like, at all! It's a level of amazing that I've yet to comprehend yet. Maybe that's why I was confused at some parts. Like idk, it'd become a bit too much here and there but I'd read through it and eventually figure it out [=

Yeah for half a sec I though that was supposed to be Justin's kid but then I was like nah! lol But all in all this was seriously some intense shizz Care!

Now on the side note, did you have to name him Daniel? XD Let's just say.. well, yeah, that was a side note which you can inquire me about if so necessary. Now before this becomes a story of its own...

PS. I loved it, I think I forgot to mention that lol
10/23/2009 c1 341RicardianScholar Clark-Weasley
i have to agree with you. i just watched the movie and i sat there thinking, these actors have the wrong chemistry to play brother and sister. Disney did better for Hannah Montana since Jackson and Miley have no chemistry between them. bit out of character but beautifully and tragically written
10/23/2009 c1 ConstructiveCriticismX
Sorry, this is a new account, so I can't reply privately yet.

Thank you for not flipping out. Upon review, my comment was a little harsh, but your story was the fourth I'd read in a row that had the same issues and I just couldn't take it anymore.

Obviously, fanfiction is all about personal preference, but the Jalex section is quickly becoming a horrid mess, and if I wanted to read about pregnancy or abortions or suicide, I'd move to a fandom that actually canonically deals with such things. I understand that it was my choice to read your story (and others like it), but there were no disclaimers anywhere stating: warning: [issue #1, #2, etc.], or anything similar to help me avoid clicking.

I disagree that Alex would get knocked up like that, even to spite someone. Clearly, the girl's an "evil genius," but she's not an idiot, and I think her family has an immense influence on her character and her development. Also, obviously, Jalex is incest, so this pairing is tricky to write, but it HAS been done well and in character in the past. WITH respect for every character.

I don't know how to explain it, but as a reader, I don't want to think less of Alex, and the way you portrayed her, she was essentially UNRECOGNIZABLE as the character that I love. I actually wanted to punch her.

Again, thank you for being mature about criticism.

PS. Seriously, though, no sane parent would prefer a dead child over an incestuous one.
10/22/2009 c1 62of self
I got a little confused with who the father was but in the end I figured out it was not Justin-or is it Justin. Dammit, I still feel confused. But other than that inability to process stuff on my part, this fic was excellent.

Your grasp on the characters IS phenomenal. Try doing this again, just for kicks. You never know, you might even out do this. :)

I loved the lines in italics and how they corresponded with each section. I think I especially loved the graduation speech part. Alex see's Justin at his best just when he's leaving behind whatever they have. It's sort of tragic.

And then I really love the part where Justin comes in drunk and mumbles sorry and then gives her the ring. it sort of made my heartache even more for them because that is the one time Justin totally lets his guard down. I think I felt sad for them because the only time Justin will ever let himself fully open is when he's drunk and it's not like that's going to happen all the time. SO it makes it more bittersweet. (I am a wee bit worries that is review is next to making no sense at all.)

Lovelovelove the last section. I think those three simple words explain everything. like why they would go to the ends of the earth to do anything for each other. Once again I am reminded of how colossally Disney effed up. Fail Disney fail. :|

Anyhow excellent story. And I would love to see more. :)
10/22/2009 c1 ConstructiveCriticismX
Keeping away from OOC elements as a writer has nothing to do with 'Disney not delving into these characters' minds'; it has everything to do with understand who these fictional people *are,* and Alex getting pregnant by a frat boy, dropping out of high school, AND leaving a fake suicide note for her loving parents? NOT ALEX.

The story just comes across as emo and unnecessary. (You score high on all of the following cliches: whiny angst, unplanned pregnancy, suicide, and so on.) You could've substituted Justin and Alex's names with practically any CW drama characters' and that would probably have been a better fit.

You may also want to acquire a beta to fix simple mistakes like "bad pans" (bedpans?), etc.
10/22/2009 c1 93amandajoyce118
I like the dramatic take on their relationship that you have. I do think you really get the characters. I think I've told you that I don't watch WOWP very often because I can't not see them together, and it's Disney, so I just can't do it. I think you nailed the chemistry too in them not wanting to acknowledge how they feel, but not being able to avoid it. I love Justin trying to avoid her and Alex trying to escape how she feels with "normal" boys. And, I love the ending. I love that you give them a fresh start and that this doesn't end with one of them heartbroken or dying. (Yeah, even though I don't watch the show, I have read a few fanfics. Haha)
10/22/2009 c1 20TheRightWrongs
Wow Care, this is pretty complex and intense and extremely mature. I can't believe anyone would think to say something bad about this, or at least if they do have a clue what they are saying. of course it's OOC, Disney wouldn't dare to delve this deep into a character's mind.

While i don't care for Jalex (i just don't see the romantic chemistry between them, but i do see that friendship kind so idk) I read this because you specifically wrote it. I was not disappointed, once again you have amazed me by making me comfortable with my unknown. Granted I won't be fanatically shipping Jalex anytime soon :)
10/22/2009 c1 ew
come on they are siblings
10/22/2009 c1 what
Yeah, it doesn't seem like you understand the character(s) at all, though. Absolutely OOC, sorry.
10/22/2009 c1 tania-1416
Incredible!

Keep writing!

Bye
10/22/2009 c1 15claramadesouffles
:)

I liked that.

A lot.

:) Keep writing-you're fantastic!
10/22/2009 c1 Blank. No longer in use
So... that was awesome.

Great vocab and story and plot. And great unusual style.

Loved it.

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