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11/2/2014 c1 Guest
I love the ending, Disney. Damn Disney.! Lol!
But I agree with you, they are to close for normal siblings, and hug- touch- to much
7/2/2012 c1 1englishlikeaffair
Omg I thought Justin and Alex were talking but it really was David and Selena. Hilarious!
11/26/2009 c1 3Baku babe
Well said!...Or should I say written. Exactly what all Jalex fans think when they watch a WOWP episode.
11/5/2009 c1 11Wyntirsno
lol That was funny. Great oneshot.
10/23/2009 c1 oogajunk
ConstructiveCriticismX, while you are entirely entitled to your opinion (and you'll probably never read this), I do not think it was her intention to HAVE dialogue or plot in this one-shot. It's just not that kind of story. The majority of this fic was just to establish the base feelings that Alex and Justin have with each other. Just enough was written for us to know that this fic is about them loving each other rather than hating each other. Plus, it was all for the final punchline, and it would not have made sense if she had not included the narration. To me, it seems like she wanted to take the opportunity to finally put in story form the phrase every Jalex fan reiterates when talking about Jalex. She could have easily just have written this as, "Justin thought Alex was beautiful, and Alex secretly reciprocated his feelings. Disney. Damn Disney." It sends the message a Jalex fan thinks, but what kinda crap would that be.

I agree with you, it did seem like it was going to go somewhere when Justin was looking at Alex from afar, but after it switched over to Alex's point of view and the reader saw an almost identical narration, one could deduce that it was just a different way of formatting and telling a story. Not every fic has to be cut and dry and by the book. I'm not dismissing all your criticisms as some of them do hold some weight and are beneficial, but it seems like you are just going down a checklist of what a story should have and shouldn't have. Take your constructive criticism to her other fic "Mafia Princess." I'm sure it'll be appreciated and worth your time since it's more of a plot and dialogue driven story. Just sayin. But again, this is all just MY opinion too, so don't mind me.

Well all I wanted to say was basically what I just wrote above so I don't have much more to add. Except that I loved this:

"Her smile is beautiful, as always. Her pearly whites seem to light him on fire, light the entire world on fire. Her smile is pure, somewhat innocent even, but most of all, beautiful. He wishes he were the one who’d caused the beautiful sight."

/shrug. It's nothing extraordinary or anything, but I'm just a sucker for a good smile haha. I'm surprised you have time to write this with "Mafia Princess" in the works. Keep it up!
10/22/2009 c1 8PrettyGirlRocks
ending so funny! i love how you built it up haha! so true tho...stupid disney! and your desciptions were amazing! amazing use of adjectives! ross would be prouds as am i! great job girl! short and to the point! no action but thats ok...it wouldnt have fit in this story! awesome job!
10/22/2009 c1 ConstructiveCriticismX
I'm not sure if you meant for this to be humorous or not, but I get the sense you lost the plot halfway through. (If there was one?)

Also, you're seriously abusing adjectives and adverbs, which is making your story read as very clunky. Your style has potential, however, so try to focus less on describing every single attribute a character possesses, and invest that energy into dialogue or plot.
10/22/2009 c1 49EO4EVER
LOVE IT! Amazing story and very well written.
10/22/2009 c1 LBF
Nice story. I enjoyed it.
10/22/2009 c1 12Marissa Davis
ah omg that did need to be said that was hilariously amazing and so true! awesome like always i loved it!

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