for Mr Underhill, My Foot!8/16/2014 c1 LaughingLadybug
Can I adopt this story, plllleeeeeeeaaaseee. Or collaberate with you? Please, please, please!
Can I adopt this story, plllleeeeeeeaaaseee. Or collaberate with you? Please, please, please!
8/15/2014 c3 LaughingLadybug
WHAT! YOU GIVE ME THIS AWESOME STORY, ONE OF THE ONLY GOOD ONES ON HERE, AND YOU END IT WITH AN AUTHOR'S NOTE? AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!
WHAT! YOU GIVE ME THIS AWESOME STORY, ONE OF THE ONLY GOOD ONES ON HERE, AND YOU END IT WITH AN AUTHOR'S NOTE? AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!
7/22/2010 c3 
96Selene Illusinia
Ok, I realize you haven't updated this in a long time but I think you have an interesting idea here and if you are still able to work with it, that you should continue.
96Selene IllusiniaOk, I realize you haven't updated this in a long time but I think you have an interesting idea here and if you are still able to work with it, that you should continue.
2/16/2010 c1 Irene Riches
OMG this is so cool and funny! I'm sending it to all my LOTR obsessed friends!
OMG this is so cool and funny! I'm sending it to all my LOTR obsessed friends!
1/1/2010 c3 13reading book worm girl
please update soon. i really like the story, partly due to the fact that i've never really read more than the hobbit and seen only the first movie.
13reading book worm girlplease update soon. i really like the story, partly due to the fact that i've never really read more than the hobbit and seen only the first movie.
11/4/2009 c3 eiluj
While I’m not an expert at Elvish by any means, I can provide information on a few of your phrases:
Dangerous ranger: There are no words for “dangerous” or “ranger” in Sindarin; in Quenya, “danger” is “raxë.”
By the sea and stars: The Sindarin for “sea” is “aear.” The Sindarin for “stars” is either “elen” (simple plural) or “elenath” (all the stars), which I would think is more likely. I don’t know where they got the “ed.” I don’t know enough grammar to comment further.
God: There is no Elvish translation for this word. The Creator is known as Eru (the One), Ilúvatar (father of all), or Eru Ilúvatar. Those are all Quenya. AFAIK, there are no Sindarin equivalents. The closest Quenya to your “Seldarine” is “selda,” which means either “child” or “childlike.” There’s nothing remotely similar in Sindarin.
Frodo: The Sindarin for his name is “Iorhael,” which means something like “ancient wisdom.” Tolkien said in one of his letters that “Frodo” comes from an Old English word meaning “wise by experience;” however, I don’t know if “Iorhael” was Tolkien’s creation or if some fan translated “ancient wisdom” into Sindarin (iaur + hael); compare the healer Ioreth’s name (“old woman”). There is nothing in Quenya or Sindarin remotely similar to Elaevyan.
My beloved: The closest Noldorin would be “melethron nín” (my male lover) or “melethril nín” (my female lover). We don’t have any Sindarin, but Noldorin was usually quite similar if not identical. The pronoun “nín” is Sindarin; we don’t know the Noldorin for “my.” “Meleth nín” is “my love;” it’s also Noldorin. “Mell” is the adjective “dear.” Your Grelvish seems to have been altered from Tolkien’s words.
I love you: The closest we have for “I” is “im,” which Tolkien decided later probably meant “myself” rather than “I.” The only Sindarin we have for “you” is “le,” which may or may not be appropriate in this phrase. I’ve seen “ce” used as the *informal* singular (in one of the films?), but I think I remember reading that’s one of the words which Elvish experts deduced from some of Tolkien’s writings; in any case, I don’t find it in any dictionary. The “lle” (so beloved of the Grey Company, and one of the most obvious indications of Grelvish) comes from “-llë,” a Quenya suffix for “you” *plural*; it is *not* a stand-alone word, and seems to have been abandoned by Tolkien. The verb “mel-“ means “to love.” I don’t know how it would be correctly conjugated.
Aragorn: This name is Sindarin and translates as “valorous king.” “Estel” is completely different: it was his childhood name in the house of Elrond, used rather than his own name because Sauron sent spies to locate and kill the Chieftains of Arnor, whose names traditionally began with the royal prefix “Ara-.” “Estel” translates as “hope.”
Welcome to my dwelling: There is no word for “welcome” in Sindarin or Quenya.
Why?: There is no Sindarin or Quenya translation. And please note that the letter “k” only appears in a handful of Elvish words adopted from Valarin (or perhaps other languages; but the ones I’m familiar with were all adopted from Valarin). Since the elves developed their own language before meeting anyone else, I doubt such a basic word as “why” would have been adopted from Valarin, let alone a language of creatures who didn’t exist until several thousand years after the elves taught themselves to speak.
Go kiss an orc: There’s no Sindarin for the verb “to kiss.” This appears to me to be mangled and/or obsolete Quenya. And I haven’t seen anything yet that the Grey Company got right, so I doubt this is any more correct than the rest of their nonsense.
Pleasure meeting you: This seems to derive from the Grelvish “saes,” which they invented to mean “please.” There is no word for “please” or “pleasure” in Sindarin or Quenya, and no word remotely similar to “saes.” The verb is an adaption of the Quenya *noun* “omentië” (meeting). An Elvish scholar might be able to deduce a Sindarin verb from the Quenya noun, but I have no idea how it would be conjugated correctly - and there are many indications that Elvish scholars weren’t involved in the creation of Grelvish! Why not use Tolkien’s actual Sindarin phrase “Mae govannen” (well met) instead?
Sources of accurate Sindarin names:
elffetish. com/singen. html
You pick the meaning, and the software puts it together for you.
w w w. councilofelrond. com/modules. php?op=modload&name=Semantics&file=index&options=SemanticsMenu&volume=4
This site also lets you choose names by meaning, but it gives Sindarin equivalents of modern names. Note that some aren’t appropriate for Middle-earth’s culture (names involving deities not known in Middle-earth, or wolves, dragons, or other monsters).
Or you could choose a word from the Sindarin dictionary as a name (begin with A1 and A2):
w w w. jrrvf. com/hisweloke/sindar/online/english. html
If you wish, you can add -ion or -on for a male name. Or -iel, -wen, or -eth for a female name.
By the way, this chapter is a violation of the site Guidelines. You can’t have a chapter which consists solely of A/N. The Guidelines say the site owners can delete your story or your account for violations. If you don’t know where to find the Guidelines:
w w w. fanfiction. net/guidelines/
While I’m not an expert at Elvish by any means, I can provide information on a few of your phrases:
Dangerous ranger: There are no words for “dangerous” or “ranger” in Sindarin; in Quenya, “danger” is “raxë.”
By the sea and stars: The Sindarin for “sea” is “aear.” The Sindarin for “stars” is either “elen” (simple plural) or “elenath” (all the stars), which I would think is more likely. I don’t know where they got the “ed.” I don’t know enough grammar to comment further.
God: There is no Elvish translation for this word. The Creator is known as Eru (the One), Ilúvatar (father of all), or Eru Ilúvatar. Those are all Quenya. AFAIK, there are no Sindarin equivalents. The closest Quenya to your “Seldarine” is “selda,” which means either “child” or “childlike.” There’s nothing remotely similar in Sindarin.
Frodo: The Sindarin for his name is “Iorhael,” which means something like “ancient wisdom.” Tolkien said in one of his letters that “Frodo” comes from an Old English word meaning “wise by experience;” however, I don’t know if “Iorhael” was Tolkien’s creation or if some fan translated “ancient wisdom” into Sindarin (iaur + hael); compare the healer Ioreth’s name (“old woman”). There is nothing in Quenya or Sindarin remotely similar to Elaevyan.
My beloved: The closest Noldorin would be “melethron nín” (my male lover) or “melethril nín” (my female lover). We don’t have any Sindarin, but Noldorin was usually quite similar if not identical. The pronoun “nín” is Sindarin; we don’t know the Noldorin for “my.” “Meleth nín” is “my love;” it’s also Noldorin. “Mell” is the adjective “dear.” Your Grelvish seems to have been altered from Tolkien’s words.
I love you: The closest we have for “I” is “im,” which Tolkien decided later probably meant “myself” rather than “I.” The only Sindarin we have for “you” is “le,” which may or may not be appropriate in this phrase. I’ve seen “ce” used as the *informal* singular (in one of the films?), but I think I remember reading that’s one of the words which Elvish experts deduced from some of Tolkien’s writings; in any case, I don’t find it in any dictionary. The “lle” (so beloved of the Grey Company, and one of the most obvious indications of Grelvish) comes from “-llë,” a Quenya suffix for “you” *plural*; it is *not* a stand-alone word, and seems to have been abandoned by Tolkien. The verb “mel-“ means “to love.” I don’t know how it would be correctly conjugated.
Aragorn: This name is Sindarin and translates as “valorous king.” “Estel” is completely different: it was his childhood name in the house of Elrond, used rather than his own name because Sauron sent spies to locate and kill the Chieftains of Arnor, whose names traditionally began with the royal prefix “Ara-.” “Estel” translates as “hope.”
Welcome to my dwelling: There is no word for “welcome” in Sindarin or Quenya.
Why?: There is no Sindarin or Quenya translation. And please note that the letter “k” only appears in a handful of Elvish words adopted from Valarin (or perhaps other languages; but the ones I’m familiar with were all adopted from Valarin). Since the elves developed their own language before meeting anyone else, I doubt such a basic word as “why” would have been adopted from Valarin, let alone a language of creatures who didn’t exist until several thousand years after the elves taught themselves to speak.
Go kiss an orc: There’s no Sindarin for the verb “to kiss.” This appears to me to be mangled and/or obsolete Quenya. And I haven’t seen anything yet that the Grey Company got right, so I doubt this is any more correct than the rest of their nonsense.
Pleasure meeting you: This seems to derive from the Grelvish “saes,” which they invented to mean “please.” There is no word for “please” or “pleasure” in Sindarin or Quenya, and no word remotely similar to “saes.” The verb is an adaption of the Quenya *noun* “omentië” (meeting). An Elvish scholar might be able to deduce a Sindarin verb from the Quenya noun, but I have no idea how it would be conjugated correctly - and there are many indications that Elvish scholars weren’t involved in the creation of Grelvish! Why not use Tolkien’s actual Sindarin phrase “Mae govannen” (well met) instead?
Sources of accurate Sindarin names:
elffetish. com/singen. html
You pick the meaning, and the software puts it together for you.
w w w. councilofelrond. com/modules. php?op=modload&name=Semantics&file=index&options=SemanticsMenu&volume=4
This site also lets you choose names by meaning, but it gives Sindarin equivalents of modern names. Note that some aren’t appropriate for Middle-earth’s culture (names involving deities not known in Middle-earth, or wolves, dragons, or other monsters).
Or you could choose a word from the Sindarin dictionary as a name (begin with A1 and A2):
w w w. jrrvf. com/hisweloke/sindar/online/english. html
If you wish, you can add -ion or -on for a male name. Or -iel, -wen, or -eth for a female name.
By the way, this chapter is a violation of the site Guidelines. You can’t have a chapter which consists solely of A/N. The Guidelines say the site owners can delete your story or your account for violations. If you don’t know where to find the Guidelines:
w w w. fanfiction. net/guidelines/
11/4/2009 c2 eiluj
"There is no way I’d let them out of my sight before they’re closer to death then they’ve ever been before" - There's some problem with this sentence; it doesn't make sense. He *did* let them out of his sight - and this sentence actually says that he’d only let them out of his sight if they were closer to death than they’d ever been. So when they most needed protecting, he *wouldn’t* protect them. Huh? And you mean “than” (used when making comparisons) rather than “then” (used when referring to time).
"slashing through their black clothes with my sword, trying to cut as deep as I was able" - Blades which struck the Nazgûl’s undead bodies were immediately destroyed: Aragorn might have made one hit, but not a second with the same weapon. [However, if you were attacked by a Nazgûl, you’d use your weapon to *parry* their attack; IIRC, PJ got that right in the film scene: Aragorn was *parrying* with his sword but attacking only with the torch (the Nazgûl feared fire).]
Also, wounding a Nazgûl caused a major effect in the person who wielded the blade; if Aragorn had actually hit one with his sword, he’d have been almost as incapacitated as Frodo was (though of course not in danger of turning into an undead). On the Pelennor, Merry and Éowyn both hit the Witch-king - and would have died if Aragorn hadn’t been able to heal them (a special healing ability unique to Aragorn and Elrond and his kin, probably because of their ancestress Lúthien).
“this is your grand-son. I know I never told you about him, but neither did Arwen” - So Arwen just vanished for a year (the length of an elven pregnancy) and none of her family noticed? Even though her family was so protective of her, given what had happened to her mother? And none of them wondered afterward why Arwen was no longer a virgin? [Yes, elves can tell just by looking at someone.] For elves, having sex automatically equals marriage (no ceremony necessary, no parental permission required), so her relatives - not to mention all the other elves she encountered - would have asked how it was that she was suddenly married, and who the new husband was...
And there’s another slight problem: if Frodo’s mother was an elf, he was conceived in the fall of 2967. However, Aragorn left the North in 2957 - ten years before Frodo was conceived - and spent the next decades in Rohan and Gondor. He didn’t see Arwen again until he sought refuge in Lothlórien in 2980 when he was on his way back to the North after having travelled in Mordor. By that time, Frodo was twelve years old. So who was Frodo’s father? [“The Tale of Aragorn and Arwen” in RotK’s Appendix A; also the Timeline in Appendix B]
“I have no idea how long I was out for” - When you change scenes (and points of view!), you need a line break (skipping extra lines between the paragraphs, sometimes adding a horizontal line or symbols to make the change more obvious). As it is, the reader is horribly confused: Why was Aragorn out of it? Did he stand there staring lovestruck after Arwen for hours? - no, apparently *days*? Huh? And then “the tired worn-out look on his face” - Note that the antecedent of the male pronoun is “Frodo,” so it’s even more confusing: Frodo nearly died, so of course he’d be looking tired and worn-out.
“Selindë of the House of Fëanor” - That name is not quite Quenya (one letter different from a real Quenya name Tolkien used), but it certainly isn’t Sindarin. The elves of Middle-earth haven’t used Quenya names for more than seven thousand years; *all* the Noldor - even Fëanor’s sons - changed to Sindarin names quite early in the First Age. And I‘m not objecting to your inventing a non-canonical descendant, but I *do* think it unlikely Fëanor would have been mentioned. Fëanor was a kin-slayer (to name only one of his crimes) who caused immeasurable grief for all of Valinor and much of Middle-earth. He was utterly abhorred by all but his sons and perhaps a few of his most rabid followers (who were by definition literally delusional).
Yes, I can see a descendant with this unfortunate ancestry being defiant about it - refusing to hide her origin. But being descended from Fëanor was nothing to be proud of - the absolute opposite, in fact - and any decent elf would acknowledge that. Even if for some reason she persisted in naming herself “of the House of Fëanor,” I can’t see anyone who loved her using that description, or any halfway-decent elf who believed in behaving politely and in good taste using that description (would you *really* introduce a friend as a descendant of Hitler?). Maybe some of the people whose ancestors the Fëanorians killed might resentfully refer to her that way - and chances are there *would* have been some in Imladris. Though I’m sure Elrond would have been more polite (both of his maternal grandparents and their two preschool-age sons died in Doriath; in Sirion, the sons of Fëanor drove Elrond’s mother to (apparent) suicide and then kidnapped Elrond and his brother). It would be much more likely Selindë’s friends would refer to a more recent ancestor: Selindë Celebrimboriel, for example (“daughter of Celebrimbor”), assuming that was her father.
Which brings up the question, How many generations from Fëanor was she? Celebrimbor died almost five thousand years before your story takes place. Since Selindë was blond - and the Noldor weren’t, unless they married Vanyar - presumably she was quite a few generations from Fëanor and his sons.
At this point I have the sinking feeling you mean Serindë to be Frodo’s future love, which boggles the mind.
Oh, and in case you aren’t aware, at the end of the First Age the Valar changed the rules about half-elves. They gave Elrond and his brother - thanks to the Fëanorians, the two were the only half-elves still alive in Middle-earth - the choice of being elves or Men. At the same time, the Valar also decreed that the children of any future elf-mortal marriages would automatically be mortal. So despite his elven mother, Frodo will live a normal lifespan (hobbits average a hundred years; Aragorn will live to be 210). And Frodo will still be mortal in Valinor.
"There is no way I’d let them out of my sight before they’re closer to death then they’ve ever been before" - There's some problem with this sentence; it doesn't make sense. He *did* let them out of his sight - and this sentence actually says that he’d only let them out of his sight if they were closer to death than they’d ever been. So when they most needed protecting, he *wouldn’t* protect them. Huh? And you mean “than” (used when making comparisons) rather than “then” (used when referring to time).
"slashing through their black clothes with my sword, trying to cut as deep as I was able" - Blades which struck the Nazgûl’s undead bodies were immediately destroyed: Aragorn might have made one hit, but not a second with the same weapon. [However, if you were attacked by a Nazgûl, you’d use your weapon to *parry* their attack; IIRC, PJ got that right in the film scene: Aragorn was *parrying* with his sword but attacking only with the torch (the Nazgûl feared fire).]
Also, wounding a Nazgûl caused a major effect in the person who wielded the blade; if Aragorn had actually hit one with his sword, he’d have been almost as incapacitated as Frodo was (though of course not in danger of turning into an undead). On the Pelennor, Merry and Éowyn both hit the Witch-king - and would have died if Aragorn hadn’t been able to heal them (a special healing ability unique to Aragorn and Elrond and his kin, probably because of their ancestress Lúthien).
“this is your grand-son. I know I never told you about him, but neither did Arwen” - So Arwen just vanished for a year (the length of an elven pregnancy) and none of her family noticed? Even though her family was so protective of her, given what had happened to her mother? And none of them wondered afterward why Arwen was no longer a virgin? [Yes, elves can tell just by looking at someone.] For elves, having sex automatically equals marriage (no ceremony necessary, no parental permission required), so her relatives - not to mention all the other elves she encountered - would have asked how it was that she was suddenly married, and who the new husband was...
And there’s another slight problem: if Frodo’s mother was an elf, he was conceived in the fall of 2967. However, Aragorn left the North in 2957 - ten years before Frodo was conceived - and spent the next decades in Rohan and Gondor. He didn’t see Arwen again until he sought refuge in Lothlórien in 2980 when he was on his way back to the North after having travelled in Mordor. By that time, Frodo was twelve years old. So who was Frodo’s father? [“The Tale of Aragorn and Arwen” in RotK’s Appendix A; also the Timeline in Appendix B]
“I have no idea how long I was out for” - When you change scenes (and points of view!), you need a line break (skipping extra lines between the paragraphs, sometimes adding a horizontal line or symbols to make the change more obvious). As it is, the reader is horribly confused: Why was Aragorn out of it? Did he stand there staring lovestruck after Arwen for hours? - no, apparently *days*? Huh? And then “the tired worn-out look on his face” - Note that the antecedent of the male pronoun is “Frodo,” so it’s even more confusing: Frodo nearly died, so of course he’d be looking tired and worn-out.
“Selindë of the House of Fëanor” - That name is not quite Quenya (one letter different from a real Quenya name Tolkien used), but it certainly isn’t Sindarin. The elves of Middle-earth haven’t used Quenya names for more than seven thousand years; *all* the Noldor - even Fëanor’s sons - changed to Sindarin names quite early in the First Age. And I‘m not objecting to your inventing a non-canonical descendant, but I *do* think it unlikely Fëanor would have been mentioned. Fëanor was a kin-slayer (to name only one of his crimes) who caused immeasurable grief for all of Valinor and much of Middle-earth. He was utterly abhorred by all but his sons and perhaps a few of his most rabid followers (who were by definition literally delusional).
Yes, I can see a descendant with this unfortunate ancestry being defiant about it - refusing to hide her origin. But being descended from Fëanor was nothing to be proud of - the absolute opposite, in fact - and any decent elf would acknowledge that. Even if for some reason she persisted in naming herself “of the House of Fëanor,” I can’t see anyone who loved her using that description, or any halfway-decent elf who believed in behaving politely and in good taste using that description (would you *really* introduce a friend as a descendant of Hitler?). Maybe some of the people whose ancestors the Fëanorians killed might resentfully refer to her that way - and chances are there *would* have been some in Imladris. Though I’m sure Elrond would have been more polite (both of his maternal grandparents and their two preschool-age sons died in Doriath; in Sirion, the sons of Fëanor drove Elrond’s mother to (apparent) suicide and then kidnapped Elrond and his brother). It would be much more likely Selindë’s friends would refer to a more recent ancestor: Selindë Celebrimboriel, for example (“daughter of Celebrimbor”), assuming that was her father.
Which brings up the question, How many generations from Fëanor was she? Celebrimbor died almost five thousand years before your story takes place. Since Selindë was blond - and the Noldor weren’t, unless they married Vanyar - presumably she was quite a few generations from Fëanor and his sons.
At this point I have the sinking feeling you mean Serindë to be Frodo’s future love, which boggles the mind.
Oh, and in case you aren’t aware, at the end of the First Age the Valar changed the rules about half-elves. They gave Elrond and his brother - thanks to the Fëanorians, the two were the only half-elves still alive in Middle-earth - the choice of being elves or Men. At the same time, the Valar also decreed that the children of any future elf-mortal marriages would automatically be mortal. So despite his elven mother, Frodo will live a normal lifespan (hobbits average a hundred years; Aragorn will live to be 210). And Frodo will still be mortal in Valinor.
11/4/2009 c1 eiluj
Well, it's different.
Why repeat the film dialog? Do you own the copyright? If not, this is technically a violation of the site Guidelines (plagiarism). Plus it shows a certain lack of imagination on your part...
"The blonde Hobbit" - One of them's female? ["Blond" is the adjective you want; it's also the noun used to refer to a male with blond hair. "Blonde" is the noun (sometimes used as an adjective) for a female with blond hair. Blame the French.]
"Ed' i'ear ar' elenea" - You will look in vain in a dictionary of Tolkien's Elvish languages for any translation that makes this mean "Am I that obvious?" You're using the Grelvish hogwash, half of which is meaningless gobbledygook - and the other half is a mixture of misspelled words from different Elvish languages. You might as well just type random letters! Really, it's that bad. If you want actual Elvish phrases, Council of Elrond has some on this page (delete the spaces in the address):
w w w. councilofelrond. com/modules. php?op=modload&name=Content&file=index&action=ViewContent&cid=9
Or see these trustworthy sites recommended by fic writer Dreamingfifi (and somewhere she has a list of bad sites):
realelvish. net/trustworthywebsites. php
And if you want dictionaries, here’s where you’ll find the best Sindarin dictionaries (begin with A1 and A2). [Don’t use Quenya unless the story takes place in Valinor or among the Noldor in Middle-earth at the very beginning of the First Age.]
w w w. jrrvf. com/hisweloke/sindar/online/english. html
“andelu Taur'ohtar” - For instance, here “andelu” is meaningless (well, I spose it could mean “long + light blue,” but I don’t see the point of that.) “Taur” is a Sindarin word for “forest” (or “king,” but that seems to be uncommon), and “ohtar” is the Quenya for “warrior.” “Forest-warrior” isn’t bad if you’re trying to invent a term for “ranger” - but no one in Middle-earth would have mixed Sindarin and Quenya. No one!
“Periannath” - The singular is “perian,” and the plural you want is “periain” (note the extra ‘i’). “Periannath” is what the Elvish dictionaries call a “class plural.” It’s used when you are referring to all the hobbits in existance. *sigh* 99% of fanfic writers get that one wrong.
“Dear god” - Wrong term. In Middle-earth, the Creator is named “Eru,” “Eru Ilúvatar,” or simply “Ilúvatar.” And then there are the fourteen Valar (kind of like the archangels in charge of the world).
“a metal ornament with three lit candles on it” - The term for this object is “candelabrum” (plural is “candelabra”). [I’d say “candlestick,” but technically that holds only one candle.]
“Hopefully, the Úlairi will take the bait” - Kudos for using the accent correctly! Here, the tense you use depends on whether these are Aragorn’s direct thoughts or his narration of the story. If these are his direct thoughts, you’re using the correct tense - but direct thoughts should be shown in italics to separate them from the narration. If these are not Aragorn’s direct thoughts but his narration of the story, then because the story is set in the past, the correct tense is “would take.”
“My son looked at me disbelievingly, I don’t blame him” - This is Aragorn’s narration. The story takes place in the past, so the only present tense should be in dialog or a character’s direct thoughts. This is clearly narration, so it should be, “I didn’t blame him.” [It’s also a run-on sentence, as stronger punctuation than a comma is needed.]
You say everything will be explained in Chapter 2. I can’t imagine how you could explain a Man and a elf producing a child who’s a hobbit.
Well, it's different.
Why repeat the film dialog? Do you own the copyright? If not, this is technically a violation of the site Guidelines (plagiarism). Plus it shows a certain lack of imagination on your part...
"The blonde Hobbit" - One of them's female? ["Blond" is the adjective you want; it's also the noun used to refer to a male with blond hair. "Blonde" is the noun (sometimes used as an adjective) for a female with blond hair. Blame the French.]
"Ed' i'ear ar' elenea" - You will look in vain in a dictionary of Tolkien's Elvish languages for any translation that makes this mean "Am I that obvious?" You're using the Grelvish hogwash, half of which is meaningless gobbledygook - and the other half is a mixture of misspelled words from different Elvish languages. You might as well just type random letters! Really, it's that bad. If you want actual Elvish phrases, Council of Elrond has some on this page (delete the spaces in the address):
w w w. councilofelrond. com/modules. php?op=modload&name=Content&file=index&action=ViewContent&cid=9
Or see these trustworthy sites recommended by fic writer Dreamingfifi (and somewhere she has a list of bad sites):
realelvish. net/trustworthywebsites. php
And if you want dictionaries, here’s where you’ll find the best Sindarin dictionaries (begin with A1 and A2). [Don’t use Quenya unless the story takes place in Valinor or among the Noldor in Middle-earth at the very beginning of the First Age.]
w w w. jrrvf. com/hisweloke/sindar/online/english. html
“andelu Taur'ohtar” - For instance, here “andelu” is meaningless (well, I spose it could mean “long + light blue,” but I don’t see the point of that.) “Taur” is a Sindarin word for “forest” (or “king,” but that seems to be uncommon), and “ohtar” is the Quenya for “warrior.” “Forest-warrior” isn’t bad if you’re trying to invent a term for “ranger” - but no one in Middle-earth would have mixed Sindarin and Quenya. No one!
“Periannath” - The singular is “perian,” and the plural you want is “periain” (note the extra ‘i’). “Periannath” is what the Elvish dictionaries call a “class plural.” It’s used when you are referring to all the hobbits in existance. *sigh* 99% of fanfic writers get that one wrong.
“Dear god” - Wrong term. In Middle-earth, the Creator is named “Eru,” “Eru Ilúvatar,” or simply “Ilúvatar.” And then there are the fourteen Valar (kind of like the archangels in charge of the world).
“a metal ornament with three lit candles on it” - The term for this object is “candelabrum” (plural is “candelabra”). [I’d say “candlestick,” but technically that holds only one candle.]
“Hopefully, the Úlairi will take the bait” - Kudos for using the accent correctly! Here, the tense you use depends on whether these are Aragorn’s direct thoughts or his narration of the story. If these are his direct thoughts, you’re using the correct tense - but direct thoughts should be shown in italics to separate them from the narration. If these are not Aragorn’s direct thoughts but his narration of the story, then because the story is set in the past, the correct tense is “would take.”
“My son looked at me disbelievingly, I don’t blame him” - This is Aragorn’s narration. The story takes place in the past, so the only present tense should be in dialog or a character’s direct thoughts. This is clearly narration, so it should be, “I didn’t blame him.” [It’s also a run-on sentence, as stronger punctuation than a comma is needed.]
You say everything will be explained in Chapter 2. I can’t imagine how you could explain a Man and a elf producing a child who’s a hobbit.
11/4/2009 c3 68Calenlass Greenleaf
I've got one thing to say: Your Elvish is all wrong. Did you get it off the Arwen-Undomiel site or the Grey Company Elvish site? They're bad sources for Sindarin or Quenya. The word structures are off, the spelling, grammar, etc are a mess. Google "Merin Essi ar Quenteli" for proper Elvish and for links of good Elvish resources.
Examples of correct Sindarin:
Why? - Am man theled? (Literally, "For what purpose?")
I love you - Le melin (It's not "melin le")
God - Eru
Go kiss an Orc - Ego, mibo orch
My beloved - Melethril nín (And yes, the little accent marks make a difference)
Pleasure meeting you - Le govaded vaer
The Grey Company elvish site mixes up Sindarin and Quenya grammar rules.
And hobbit is "perian." More than one hobbit is "periannath."
Plotwise, your story is unique, one that I've never seen before. Your grammar/spelling are fine, but I suggest that you cut down on the use of the movie script because some people have already read various scenes some twenty times. If you're able to tell an old scene with new words and situation, however, that's what will make it stand you. Also watch the characterization-Aragorn is in his eights, and Arwen in her hundreds-don't make them act too young. I highly doubt Aragorn would tell someone to "kiss an orc."
Good luck in writing.
68Calenlass GreenleafI've got one thing to say: Your Elvish is all wrong. Did you get it off the Arwen-Undomiel site or the Grey Company Elvish site? They're bad sources for Sindarin or Quenya. The word structures are off, the spelling, grammar, etc are a mess. Google "Merin Essi ar Quenteli" for proper Elvish and for links of good Elvish resources.
Examples of correct Sindarin:
Why? - Am man theled? (Literally, "For what purpose?")
I love you - Le melin (It's not "melin le")
God - Eru
Go kiss an Orc - Ego, mibo orch
My beloved - Melethril nín (And yes, the little accent marks make a difference)
Pleasure meeting you - Le govaded vaer
The Grey Company elvish site mixes up Sindarin and Quenya grammar rules.
And hobbit is "perian." More than one hobbit is "periannath."
Plotwise, your story is unique, one that I've never seen before. Your grammar/spelling are fine, but I suggest that you cut down on the use of the movie script because some people have already read various scenes some twenty times. If you're able to tell an old scene with new words and situation, however, that's what will make it stand you. Also watch the characterization-Aragorn is in his eights, and Arwen in her hundreds-don't make them act too young. I highly doubt Aragorn would tell someone to "kiss an orc."
Good luck in writing.
11/4/2009 c3 5MyLifeWouldSuckWithoutHeroes
aahh, well this certainly clears things up. I had to go back to re-read the chapters though :P
coolness, where'd you find out the Elvish stuffs? And how did you make up Frodo's name?
the next chappie sounds AMAZING! it sounds like it is going to be long! totls can't wait!
UPDATE SOON!
xx
5MyLifeWouldSuckWithoutHeroesaahh, well this certainly clears things up. I had to go back to re-read the chapters though :P
coolness, where'd you find out the Elvish stuffs? And how did you make up Frodo's name?
the next chappie sounds AMAZING! it sounds like it is going to be long! totls can't wait!
UPDATE SOON!
xx
11/4/2009 c2 MyLifeWouldSuckWithoutHeroes
oh, me likey.
I quite like Selinde, she reminds me of myself :P the beginning made me sort of sad though, but in a good way.
I got kind of confused when the POV changed from Aragorn to Frodo- LOVE his Elvish name!...It is his Elvish name right?
lollz, anyway, loads of mystery and suspense :P on Frodo's part at least, I can imagine how confused he must be feeling :]
CAN'T WAIT TILL THE NEXT CHAPTER!
xx
PS: It would be nice to know the Elvish stuff, can't be bothered to look it up :P !
xx
oh, me likey.
I quite like Selinde, she reminds me of myself :P the beginning made me sort of sad though, but in a good way.
I got kind of confused when the POV changed from Aragorn to Frodo- LOVE his Elvish name!...It is his Elvish name right?
lollz, anyway, loads of mystery and suspense :P on Frodo's part at least, I can imagine how confused he must be feeling :]
CAN'T WAIT TILL THE NEXT CHAPTER!
xx
PS: It would be nice to know the Elvish stuff, can't be bothered to look it up :P !
xx
10/31/2009 c2 chikisn2
i like it can u please translate what theyre saying and how did u pick out his elvish name i always wonder bout where people get the names.does bilbo know about Frodos real parents? will he tell him please update soon cant wait for the next chapter. literally.
i like it can u please translate what theyre saying and how did u pick out his elvish name i always wonder bout where people get the names.does bilbo know about Frodos real parents? will he tell him please update soon cant wait for the next chapter. literally.
10/27/2009 c1 BackOffAragornIsMINE
wow. i mean...wow. that has been the most unique, 'different' kind of LOTR fanfics i've read in a while. it was...surprising. i guess i can kind of see where you're coming from. Frodo's hair is a little curlier that Aragorn's, and their eyes are kind of the same shade of blue. i always thought the main difference was a) Frodo is a Hobbit and b) is skin is too pale. but if he got it from Arwen...it makes sense.
this is pretty damn good stuff. im probably going to dream about possibilities for this until the next chapter comes out so please update soon before i go mad!
me loves it!
-BackOffAragornIsMINE
wow. i mean...wow. that has been the most unique, 'different' kind of LOTR fanfics i've read in a while. it was...surprising. i guess i can kind of see where you're coming from. Frodo's hair is a little curlier that Aragorn's, and their eyes are kind of the same shade of blue. i always thought the main difference was a) Frodo is a Hobbit and b) is skin is too pale. but if he got it from Arwen...it makes sense.
this is pretty damn good stuff. im probably going to dream about possibilities for this until the next chapter comes out so please update soon before i go mad!
me loves it!
-BackOffAragornIsMINE