Just In
Community
Forum
V
More
for Thief King Bakura meets Kari

8/20/2014 c7 2KykoXSeto
Hey, I liked the plot! If you were to fix your spelling and grammar, it would be the perfect story. You crammed great ideas into seven pages. WHY? If you extend this, add detail, and spell check, it'll be awesome!
4/28/2013 c6 Pacher
..
Wow.. this was terrible
BasketCat was right how
"And he enter his kuk forcefully in to her pussy."
What is a kuk? Its cock...
1/26/2013 c7 Imp
This could really be something if you give more detail. I felt as if this was a rough draft of ideas you would have liked to make a story of. (Meaning the sentences were too short and vague)
7/23/2011 c1 20IncurablyAwesome
So I'm here to review as a thank you for reviewing my fic :D

I agree with evilanimeninja; Basketcat is a flamer and as a non-flamer, I can personally assure you that he is to be ignored. However, I must also agree that your story could use a bit of work; I would advise having it beta-read by a ff.net beta-reader ^^ They can help you edit out any discrepencies and make your story easier for everyone else to read :D EG:

The both men took of Karis chains and lifted her up rude and said come girl you will meat or king then they drag here away.

Would be better as

Both of the men removed Kari's chains and lifted her up rudely. "Come, girl," one of them said. "You will meet our king."

Kari was helpless as they dragged her away.

So, getting a beta-reader to help you edit would be a great investment in your story as it is actually really good :D It's just slightly difficult to read :( As Evilanimeninja said, if English is a second language it's totally understandable :3 (Seriously...the only Swedish I know are the lyrics to Caramelldansen XD) You could even try writing it in Swedish to begin with~!

Anways, overall it was a great first chapter :D so well done and a big happy 'Huzzah~!' all around *glomp*

~IA
4/11/2011 c1 Calepegasus
it's not terrible. don't listen to basketcat. True, the English could use a little work, but i love the plot. ^^ and since it says you're country is Sweden and English is probably a second language, i forgive you for that XD
2/24/2011 c1 Basketcat
This is terrible.

Learn to write.

Twitter . Help . Sign Up . Cookies . Privacy . Terms of Service