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for The Best and Worst Things

11/16/2009 c1 2blahgirl13
If I Jumped...

would be a good title ^^

nice story, short and sweet
11/10/2009 c1 endragh
because this is your first Zemyx fanfiction i'm going to warn you. i will be pointing out stuff that seemed odd or broke the flow. i hope you don't mind, i'm an author as well so i can understand not wanting anything bad pointed out but it will also help improve your work.

that being said there isn't that many problems. you had a good flow for the story, thought it could have been a little longer, maybe a little more description for the end there. it seemed to essentially be: zexion admits his love, demyx admits his love, they kiss.

now that isn't a bad thing, the ending was good i just think more description would have been better for that part. also it seems demyx moved a little too quickly from sad to happy. i can understand why but the way you wrote it, it sounded almost instantly. though that might be just me, check with other people to see if they felt the same way. if not ignore this part.

i liked the last sentence a lot, you could actually probably use that for the title call it "the worst and the best" or something like that. people do that often and if you do it right it can fit very well and turn out to be a total success.

anyways other then that you did a very good job. i liked how you portrayed the character. please write more i would love to read them.
11/7/2009 c1 7QueenRandomCandyCorn


Im not sure, i'm no good at making up titles as well.



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