for New World9/11/2013 c6 Nogizaka Ayumi
Love this story! Please Update? As for the pairing.. TezuRyo! Rika's a slave driver indeed...
Love this story! Please Update? As for the pairing.. TezuRyo! Rika's a slave driver indeed...
7/9/2012 c3 Guest
"Hop in! This was the smallest car I had that could fit all of you, so it will have to do."
"After all of them stepped out, a light gust of wind blew by and Rika's hair was, once again, and all of them blushed at the pretty sight Rika made, with her cat-like eyes and green hair with blue streaks. She carried her body in graceful way and according to Inui, she was currently undefeated in the tennis world."
"She also had an IQ of over 200 and would not be in school at all if not for the fact that her kaa-san was afraid she would become socially retarded, which based on the regulars' view could not be possible as she influenced all the people around her and changed them for the better."
...
Rich, a genius (even though her explanation in the last chapter was completely un-scientific), beautiful, undefeated (even though in actuality, tennis is a much more male-oriented sport because it relies on not only agility and skill, but power)...
The mary-sue level is strong with this one. The way that your writing Fem!Ryoma, she may as well be an OC. Scratch that- she is an OC. Ryoma doesn't have the grace, doesn't have an IQ over 200, is cute, but certainly not enough to have *the whole school* in her fanclub...
(And she shouldn't be able to drive. She's not in high school according to your summary. I don't think anyone would let a 7th grader drive. Please keep in mind their age- they may look older, but they're still in 7-9th grade.)
"Hop in! This was the smallest car I had that could fit all of you, so it will have to do."
"After all of them stepped out, a light gust of wind blew by and Rika's hair was, once again, and all of them blushed at the pretty sight Rika made, with her cat-like eyes and green hair with blue streaks. She carried her body in graceful way and according to Inui, she was currently undefeated in the tennis world."
"She also had an IQ of over 200 and would not be in school at all if not for the fact that her kaa-san was afraid she would become socially retarded, which based on the regulars' view could not be possible as she influenced all the people around her and changed them for the better."
...
Rich, a genius (even though her explanation in the last chapter was completely un-scientific), beautiful, undefeated (even though in actuality, tennis is a much more male-oriented sport because it relies on not only agility and skill, but power)...
The mary-sue level is strong with this one. The way that your writing Fem!Ryoma, she may as well be an OC. Scratch that- she is an OC. Ryoma doesn't have the grace, doesn't have an IQ over 200, is cute, but certainly not enough to have *the whole school* in her fanclub...
(And she shouldn't be able to drive. She's not in high school according to your summary. I don't think anyone would let a 7th grader drive. Please keep in mind their age- they may look older, but they're still in 7-9th grade.)
7/9/2012 c2 Guest
"...also, it should not only have been me and you who were transported here. There must be others, I mean, I don't even know you and according to the laws of science that should not be so unless you have a form of a bond in some common sort of unless all of you know me."
This. Makes little-to-no sense. Please study the topic before writing "according to the laws of science." You also wrote 'unless all of you know me' even though Inui's previous lines stated that they were the only two.
"...also, it should not only have been me and you who were transported here. There must be others, I mean, I don't even know you and according to the laws of science that should not be so unless you have a form of a bond in some common sort of unless all of you know me."
This. Makes little-to-no sense. Please study the topic before writing "according to the laws of science." You also wrote 'unless all of you know me' even though Inui's previous lines stated that they were the only two.
2/2/2012 c6 DragonFire Princess
Love the story, Hope you'll uploads the story soon, I want to know what happen next in the story. So Please update the story ASAP.
When will you continue this story?
I want to know what will happen next in the story.
Love the story, Hope you'll uploads the story soon, I want to know what happen next in the story. So Please update the story ASAP.
When will you continue this story?
I want to know what will happen next in the story.
7/5/2011 c6 xbamsod
haha I love it. Rika really is a slave-driver. At least all of the regulars will be better than before when they get back. ~Update Soon~ ^_^
haha I love it. Rika really is a slave-driver. At least all of the regulars will be better than before when they get back. ~Update Soon~ ^_^
6/29/2010 c6 
43MintLeafeon
Who is the mystery person? Love the story btw. Poor regulars had to run a lot. 70kms? How much can Rika run?
43MintLeafeonWho is the mystery person? Love the story btw. Poor regulars had to run a lot. 70kms? How much can Rika run?
2/24/2010 c6 1xXHalfPrinceXx
This is really funny! I nearly fell out of my chair as Rika made them run so much. This is pretty good, can't wait for hte next chapter to come out ^_^
1xXHalfPrinceXxThis is really funny! I nearly fell out of my chair as Rika made them run so much. This is pretty good, can't wait for hte next chapter to come out ^_^
12/25/2009 c6 4YourLaughMakesMeLaugh
aww poor regulars! she's gonna kill em'! haha jk but still it's was awesome! update soon?
4YourLaughMakesMeLaughaww poor regulars! she's gonna kill em'! haha jk but still it's was awesome! update soon?