Just In
Community
Forum
V
More
for Last Moment

9/6/2018 c1 Emporer Bloodfire
You used the word lover to many times but other than that it was good. Although I wish it was a full on story instead of a oneshot
8/26/2011 c1 IcyAri
I'm not exactly sure why, but it rang kind of hollow. I think though that, that is from the terminology that you used. really. its something that can be taken care of by having a Beta Reader, or just going over it a time or two a day or so after writing it, so your brain doesn't just ignore the mistakes and fill it in with what you were trying to say.

Though I can only say this as a reader, not a writer.

Like the last paragraph:

"It was just a pure luck that Harry magical side from his father was more prominent than the power of Covenant from his mother. The magic helped Harry's body not to aging faster, but still, it could not keep his organs inside to slowly stop working. Harry was dying, and Caleb was once more useless to do anything."

I would have suggested:

"It was simply luck that Wizard Magic Harry got from his father was more prominent than the inherited power of The Covenant. The magic helped his body with the aging, slowing it down, but it could not keep the power from affecting his organs. They were failing to work, slowly killing Harry. Once again Caleb felt useless, unable to do anything."
11/12/2009 c1 3Slygirl50
It really is angst. It made me sad! :(

But only the best, well-written ones do. So all in all, a job well done! :D

Twitter . Help . Sign Up . Cookies . Privacy . Terms of Service