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5/7/2016 c11 Ben Klackner
Is Eric starting to get soft? Sounds like a path to redemption!
1/1/2015 c14 8Jazzilynn Hall
I didn't see any problems with your story. The only thing I saw that COULD have been a problem was the weapons thing, but the girls could easily have had permits for them that you just didn't mention. But then again, this is a fragging fanfic. In fanfiction, the author can do whatever the frag they want. Since it's not real, and it isn't going to be used in the actual shows, it doesn't matter what you put in your story. It's YOUR story, and it's about what is in YOUR imagination. If other people don't like it, they can go frag themselves on the Empire State Building alongside Megatron and the Fallen. So don't let other people dictate your writing. I personally love this story. It's really good, and I'm sure there are plenty of others who agree with me.
9/12/2014 c14 Guest
When will you feel like doing a second remake? More importantly; What are the new outfits of the outcasted gang? Also; ouch, not high on your to do list. That's harsh.
6/2/2014 c14 6DragonHapppy
So is still getting redone? Should I go back and read it?
3/10/2013 c14 12Sounddrive
It's all right. We all have busy lives.
2/8/2013 c13 20Ghostgirl99
when is the next chapter coming up?
1/27/2013 c13 6Aztec98
Ahhhhhh! I've seen your youtube vids. You really need to finish this before I explode! This girl here really needs to read the mush gushy lovy stuff coming up... PLEASE HURRY
1/21/2013 c13 Squidlydoo
Awwww! Plz update soon! This is getting really good now!
12/16/2012 c13 Guest
When will the next chapter be up?
12/8/2012 c13 Unquestionably
I really love this story! Update soon or I'll stab you with a spoon!
8/21/2012 c13 Megan Guess
This is a very awesome story I can't wait to read the rest of it.
8/9/2012 c13 LUV2DANCE
This is very well written and I hope that you continue the series soon!
7/17/2012 c13 Aura3797
As always, your chapters are awesome. But please, CONTINUE WRITING!
7/2/2012 c13 Guest
so cool
6/20/2012 c2 the Moose
Er... Why is Michelle carrying a fricken sword through a CITY? Unless she's got a license to carry that thing openly, the police would be on her a$$ so hard she'd feel it for a month. I know it's part of her character, but permits are required to carry weapons even if it's a concealed carry. If the katana was simply for display purposes AT HOME, then there wouldn't be a problem.

The play director would have grounds to charge Michelle with assault. All he did was criticize the way she was doing things and she punched him in the face hard enough to draw blood. You've also made the play director an arse for no reason. Most play directors would be pleased that their actors are mastering the roles in a short amount of time. If it was one of the other actors getting up in Michelle's face for showing off, then you could have a catfight break out.

Speaking of fights, whatever did Michelle do to anger four twenty-something-year old men in repeatedly harassing her every chance they get? And how does she so easily beat four twenty-something guys you describe as being fairly muscular? It's apparent Michelle could hold her own in a fight, but four on one are not good odds if they all charge her at once. Against four guys, she doesn't stand a chance. It's a science-proven fact that women naturally have less upper body strength than men. Michelle loses, limps home and berates herself for losing and being weak. You could do some serious character development on that fact.

It's awfully strange that Michell would offer shelter to a stranger she met less than a minute before, but hey, whatever. It's not like Katrina won't stab Michelle in her sleep (note the sarcasm). A person living on their own is going to be more cautious around strangers lurking in alley ways no matter how innocent they look.

On top of that, you should have described Michelle's apartment. Is it a nice, clean, middle-class looking place? Swanky upper-crust digs? Roach-infested borderline poverty? How much of an inheritance does Michelle have to her name?

You could also spend less time describing what kind of clothes they're wearing. Unless the clothes are central to the plot, it gets boring quick. We got enough of that from "My Immortal".
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