for BPRD: Damnation of the Jesuits7/6/2011 c4 
6Jimi Keys
I'm glad I found a Hellboy/BPRD story here that isn't set in the movie universe! It's going great so far, I love the involvement with the Leviathan and the Gargoyles! Very interesting, adding them to BPRD's whole 'end of the world' plot. Looking forward to reading more. :)
6Jimi KeysI'm glad I found a Hellboy/BPRD story here that isn't set in the movie universe! It's going great so far, I love the involvement with the Leviathan and the Gargoyles! Very interesting, adding them to BPRD's whole 'end of the world' plot. Looking forward to reading more. :)
4/24/2011 c4 4Joelle Hart
Heh - just a week or so ago I was trying to remember where I had read a story that involved an elf that had converted to Christianity - something in my head told me it was a Hellboy story, but I knew it wasn't from the comics - it was this story!
In this chapter you do a good job of laying the mythological framework. Like with your other story, "Immortal Brutality", I find myself wondering how much you've found through actual mythology and how much you're inventing yourself. You also set the scenes well, especially the suspense and claustrophobia of Abe's descent.
(BTW, are you ever going to add more to Immortal Brutality? Or has it been abandoned because of the unfortunate coincidence of there now being a character named Alice in the Hellboy comics?)
4Joelle HartHeh - just a week or so ago I was trying to remember where I had read a story that involved an elf that had converted to Christianity - something in my head told me it was a Hellboy story, but I knew it wasn't from the comics - it was this story!
In this chapter you do a good job of laying the mythological framework. Like with your other story, "Immortal Brutality", I find myself wondering how much you've found through actual mythology and how much you're inventing yourself. You also set the scenes well, especially the suspense and claustrophobia of Abe's descent.
(BTW, are you ever going to add more to Immortal Brutality? Or has it been abandoned because of the unfortunate coincidence of there now being a character named Alice in the Hellboy comics?)
1/26/2010 c3 Joelle Hart
Good chapter! The absence of Hellboy is keenly felt here, as in the comics. The scene with Liz is especially poignant. Poor Liz, poor Abe. The part about him tracing palms is especially sweet.
And it's the little details that really make the story fun, like the lines about "their share of undeceased armies" and "bottom of his fishy foot".
I wasn't so much into this story at the first chapter, but I'm being drawn in more with each chapter.
A couple typos:
"their speeds are unremarkable." - you mean remarkable
"Hellboy would have handled." Abe asked quietly. For one, the punctuation, the quoted part should end with a comma and not a period. Also, Abe isn't asking, sounds like he's making a statement - or if he is asking, his statement should end in a question mark.
Good chapter! The absence of Hellboy is keenly felt here, as in the comics. The scene with Liz is especially poignant. Poor Liz, poor Abe. The part about him tracing palms is especially sweet.
And it's the little details that really make the story fun, like the lines about "their share of undeceased armies" and "bottom of his fishy foot".
I wasn't so much into this story at the first chapter, but I'm being drawn in more with each chapter.
A couple typos:
"their speeds are unremarkable." - you mean remarkable
"Hellboy would have handled." Abe asked quietly. For one, the punctuation, the quoted part should end with a comma and not a period. Also, Abe isn't asking, sounds like he's making a statement - or if he is asking, his statement should end in a question mark.
11/29/2009 c2 Joelle Hart
First-rate characterization, as always. Poor Liz - very believable breakdown.
Watch your sentence structure. You have some long run-on sentences here that get hard to follow - practice breaking them up into smaller, more coherent sentences.
First-rate characterization, as always. Poor Liz - very believable breakdown.
Watch your sentence structure. You have some long run-on sentences here that get hard to follow - practice breaking them up into smaller, more coherent sentences.
11/28/2009 c1 Joelle Hart
Why did the priest let the witch into the church if he knew she was a witch? Did she bribe him or something - is he corrupted? That needs to be explained.
The first section struck me as kind of over-dramatic - but this IS Hellboy, I guess that's the way things go. Maybe tone down the glowing lights and blowing winds a little.
Liz's distress is poignant. The opening paragraph about agents dying frequently - that's quite good, because it's something that's hinted at frequently but you're never really allowed to get the full scope.
Good accurate voice for Johann. Abe's inner voice seems a little bit off - would he really use the word "dipshit"?
Why did the priest let the witch into the church if he knew she was a witch? Did she bribe him or something - is he corrupted? That needs to be explained.
The first section struck me as kind of over-dramatic - but this IS Hellboy, I guess that's the way things go. Maybe tone down the glowing lights and blowing winds a little.
Liz's distress is poignant. The opening paragraph about agents dying frequently - that's quite good, because it's something that's hinted at frequently but you're never really allowed to get the full scope.
Good accurate voice for Johann. Abe's inner voice seems a little bit off - would he really use the word "dipshit"?