for My Awesome and Amazing Stargate Atlantis story12/5/2009 c1 
4xDemanufactureX
Whoa...
Okay, you've got an interesting idea, but you really need quite a bit of help.
We know nothing about your character, nothing about what they look like, what they know and how they know it etc. Also, the reactions are illogical. 'I heard a sound, and it sounds like this so i'll nonchalantly walk out and expect the people of Stargate Atlantis to take me with them... ouch'
You really need to proofread your work, look for spelling and gramatical errors etc. I would gladly help you. If you'd like my E-mail, I'll proofread and give you feedback if you like =D. It would also be appreciated if everything wasn't in bold.
After a comma, there is a space. Please make note of this as it is hard to read without.
Also, everytime someone says something, a 'quote' as it were. It has it's own line. Example:
"What the hell just happened?" Rodney asked as the power was suddenly cut.
"I swear, this time, it wasn't me." Ronon replied.
...Yeah...
Try to use more description, do some more research on the cannon characters (characters that belong to Stargate/MGM) and write as best as you can. Also, avoid words like 'Get' and 'Got'. They're immiture vocabulary.
Last thing, but certainly not the least!
Using said everytime someone says something or everytime after a quote, is boring and more immiture vocabulary.
Enquired, Asked, relented, mused, snorted any of these are good words to use after a quote. Use said as little as possible.
That should cover it, I think ^^
But keep working on it, the next chapter should be great ya follow those simple little ideas. Don't rush your stories, like all works of art, tey take time. Do everything you can to make the story both enjoyable for yourself and those who may be reading it. Be careful and try to see it from the reader's perspective. Good luck, I'll be back soon =D
4xDemanufactureXWhoa...
Okay, you've got an interesting idea, but you really need quite a bit of help.
We know nothing about your character, nothing about what they look like, what they know and how they know it etc. Also, the reactions are illogical. 'I heard a sound, and it sounds like this so i'll nonchalantly walk out and expect the people of Stargate Atlantis to take me with them... ouch'
You really need to proofread your work, look for spelling and gramatical errors etc. I would gladly help you. If you'd like my E-mail, I'll proofread and give you feedback if you like =D. It would also be appreciated if everything wasn't in bold.
After a comma, there is a space. Please make note of this as it is hard to read without.
Also, everytime someone says something, a 'quote' as it were. It has it's own line. Example:
"What the hell just happened?" Rodney asked as the power was suddenly cut.
"I swear, this time, it wasn't me." Ronon replied.
...Yeah...
Try to use more description, do some more research on the cannon characters (characters that belong to Stargate/MGM) and write as best as you can. Also, avoid words like 'Get' and 'Got'. They're immiture vocabulary.
Last thing, but certainly not the least!
Using said everytime someone says something or everytime after a quote, is boring and more immiture vocabulary.
Enquired, Asked, relented, mused, snorted any of these are good words to use after a quote. Use said as little as possible.
That should cover it, I think ^^
But keep working on it, the next chapter should be great ya follow those simple little ideas. Don't rush your stories, like all works of art, tey take time. Do everything you can to make the story both enjoyable for yourself and those who may be reading it. Be careful and try to see it from the reader's perspective. Good luck, I'll be back soon =D