for YOU WILL YIELD AND BE MY MATE7/30/2022 c1 Guest
As someone already had pointed out, your characterization of Eric and Sookie is a bit lacking to the point they seem to be quite immature and childlish. They come across as silly teenagers than adults. Like in the canon Eric is a badass vampire who is over 1000 years old but hear he is just some insecure, unlikeable brute who always must be THE Alpha of the universe or else he'll throw a temper tantrum lol
As someone already had pointed out, your characterization of Eric and Sookie is a bit lacking to the point they seem to be quite immature and childlish. They come across as silly teenagers than adults. Like in the canon Eric is a badass vampire who is over 1000 years old but hear he is just some insecure, unlikeable brute who always must be THE Alpha of the universe or else he'll throw a temper tantrum lol
7/30/2022 c1 This
First I want to say I really like your story idea: it would have been interesting to see what would have happened after season 2 if Sookie and Bill could not have been together anymore. However, I have to say that I really can't take this story seriously, because Sookie and Eric's characterization, especially the way you write their dialogue, makes them seem quite immature and childlish. They are both acting like blushing teenagers.
What really started to ruin this story is the way you portray Eric. Let me remind you that Eric is over 1000 years old. So why does he act like some retarded schoolboy who gets whiny when he doesn't get what he wants immediately? Just read again most of his lines in this chapter:
.
.
.
"Sookie, as you know, Bill is no longer here to protect you. The Queen has now given you to me. You are now MINE."
"Oh, but you are mine. You just don't know it yet and you will learn."
"But don't you think you should have talked to me, before you talked to Sam?" "No, you are Mine."
"But you will yield to me Lover."
"You are mine and I will say it when ever I like!"
"You are Mine Lover!"
Eric growls "You still are Mine Lover"
.
.
.
Can you see the problem with these lines? They are all quite immature and childlish, making Eric seem like an overly emotional, clingy and spoiled five year old child who doesn't listen to anyone and throws a tantrum when he is denied something. And that is not Eric's character. He is several hundred years old and probably has more thorough awareness of consequence, forethought, and subtlety than any living being on the planet.
Also, Eric could never be so clingy, because while in the canon he loved Sookie and wanted to have her as his own, but most writers here forget an important fact that he never needed a woman to make him happy, which is a nice chance for his character trope. The same goes for the book Sookie, she was not looking for a boyfriend, and she would have rather been alone than being in a relationship where her needs aren't met. And that's what made their relationship much more authentic and romantic. Eric might be a vampire, but he always listened Sookie's wishes and even said that he wouldn't never force a woman to be with him.
My critic is: you should definetely try to improve your dialogues because they often seem to be bland or plain unnatural. Lastly I'd like to say that you should definetely work on characterization, even if you are borrowing these characters you should make sure that the changes you make are believable. Keep on writing
First I want to say I really like your story idea: it would have been interesting to see what would have happened after season 2 if Sookie and Bill could not have been together anymore. However, I have to say that I really can't take this story seriously, because Sookie and Eric's characterization, especially the way you write their dialogue, makes them seem quite immature and childlish. They are both acting like blushing teenagers.
What really started to ruin this story is the way you portray Eric. Let me remind you that Eric is over 1000 years old. So why does he act like some retarded schoolboy who gets whiny when he doesn't get what he wants immediately? Just read again most of his lines in this chapter:
.
.
.
"Sookie, as you know, Bill is no longer here to protect you. The Queen has now given you to me. You are now MINE."
"Oh, but you are mine. You just don't know it yet and you will learn."
"But don't you think you should have talked to me, before you talked to Sam?" "No, you are Mine."
"But you will yield to me Lover."
"You are mine and I will say it when ever I like!"
"You are Mine Lover!"
Eric growls "You still are Mine Lover"
.
.
.
Can you see the problem with these lines? They are all quite immature and childlish, making Eric seem like an overly emotional, clingy and spoiled five year old child who doesn't listen to anyone and throws a tantrum when he is denied something. And that is not Eric's character. He is several hundred years old and probably has more thorough awareness of consequence, forethought, and subtlety than any living being on the planet.
Also, Eric could never be so clingy, because while in the canon he loved Sookie and wanted to have her as his own, but most writers here forget an important fact that he never needed a woman to make him happy, which is a nice chance for his character trope. The same goes for the book Sookie, she was not looking for a boyfriend, and she would have rather been alone than being in a relationship where her needs aren't met. And that's what made their relationship much more authentic and romantic. Eric might be a vampire, but he always listened Sookie's wishes and even said that he wouldn't never force a woman to be with him.
My critic is: you should definetely try to improve your dialogues because they often seem to be bland or plain unnatural. Lastly I'd like to say that you should definetely work on characterization, even if you are borrowing these characters you should make sure that the changes you make are believable. Keep on writing
8/11/2021 c13 RagusasugaR
Fun little story. I'd love to hear how Sookie felt about Eric's revenge tats lol
Fun little story. I'd love to hear how Sookie felt about Eric's revenge tats lol
7/24/2021 c13 kleannhouse
loved this story, I so wanted and wished you had finished it. I wanted to see how these two finally found each other on equal terms. And what happened when Eric saw Sookie dance with Lala. Thanks for giving us what you have. KY
loved this story, I so wanted and wished you had finished it. I wanted to see how these two finally found each other on equal terms. And what happened when Eric saw Sookie dance with Lala. Thanks for giving us what you have. KY
9/12/2020 c4 
2Alas Draco
Eric is such an a**hole. Seriously Poor Pam having to deal with him. Also Pam at a girl party would be helerious.
2Alas DracoEric is such an a**hole. Seriously Poor Pam having to deal with him. Also Pam at a girl party would be helerious.
7/17/2020 c13 kleannhouse
oh i wish this story was longer, I would love to know how you wanted to finish this story. It was just starting to get really good. loved the pranks KY
oh i wish this story was longer, I would love to know how you wanted to finish this story. It was just starting to get really good. loved the pranks KY
8/13/2019 c3 CriticalPerson
First I want to say I really like your story idea: it would have been interesting to see what would have happened after season 2 if Sookie and Bill could not have been together anymore. However, I have to say that I really can't take this story seriously, because Sookie and Eric's characterization, especially the way you write their dialogue, makes them seem quite immature and childlish. They are both acting like blushing teenagers.
What really started to ruin this story is the way you portray Eric. Let me remind you that Eric is over 1000 years old. So why does he act like some retarded schoolboy who gets whiny when he doesn't get what he wants immediately? Just read again most of his lines in this chapter:
.
.
.
"Sookie, as you know, Bill is no longer here to protect you. The Queen has now given you to me. You are now MINE."
"Oh, but you are mine. You just don't know it yet and you will learn."
"But don't you think you should have talked to me, before you talked to Sam?" "No, you are Mine."
"But you will yield to me Lover."
"You are mine and I will say it when ever I like!"
"You are Mine Lover!"
Eric growls "You still are Mine Lover"
.
.
.
Can you see the problem with these lines? They are all quite immature and childlish, making Eric seem like an overly emotional, clingy and spoiled five year old child who doesn't listen to anyone and throws a tantrum when he is denied something. And that is not Eric's character. He is several hundred years old and probably has more thorough awareness of consequence, forethought, and subtlety than any living being on the planet.
Also, Eric could never be so clingy, because while in the canon he loved Sookie and wanted to have her as his own, but most writers here forget an important fact that he never needed a woman to make him happy, which is a nice chance for his character trope. The same goes for the book Sookie, she was not looking for a boyfriend, and she would have rather been alone than being in a relationship where her needs aren't met. And that's what made their relationship much more authentic and romantic. Eric might be a vampire, but he always listened Sookie's wishes and even said that he wouldn't never force a woman to be with him.
My critic is: you should definetely try to improve your dialogues because they often seem to be bland or plain unnatural. Lastly I'd like to say that you should definetely work on characterization, even if you are borrowing these characters you should make sure that the changes you make are believable. Keep on writing!
First I want to say I really like your story idea: it would have been interesting to see what would have happened after season 2 if Sookie and Bill could not have been together anymore. However, I have to say that I really can't take this story seriously, because Sookie and Eric's characterization, especially the way you write their dialogue, makes them seem quite immature and childlish. They are both acting like blushing teenagers.
What really started to ruin this story is the way you portray Eric. Let me remind you that Eric is over 1000 years old. So why does he act like some retarded schoolboy who gets whiny when he doesn't get what he wants immediately? Just read again most of his lines in this chapter:
.
.
.
"Sookie, as you know, Bill is no longer here to protect you. The Queen has now given you to me. You are now MINE."
"Oh, but you are mine. You just don't know it yet and you will learn."
"But don't you think you should have talked to me, before you talked to Sam?" "No, you are Mine."
"But you will yield to me Lover."
"You are mine and I will say it when ever I like!"
"You are Mine Lover!"
Eric growls "You still are Mine Lover"
.
.
.
Can you see the problem with these lines? They are all quite immature and childlish, making Eric seem like an overly emotional, clingy and spoiled five year old child who doesn't listen to anyone and throws a tantrum when he is denied something. And that is not Eric's character. He is several hundred years old and probably has more thorough awareness of consequence, forethought, and subtlety than any living being on the planet.
Also, Eric could never be so clingy, because while in the canon he loved Sookie and wanted to have her as his own, but most writers here forget an important fact that he never needed a woman to make him happy, which is a nice chance for his character trope. The same goes for the book Sookie, she was not looking for a boyfriend, and she would have rather been alone than being in a relationship where her needs aren't met. And that's what made their relationship much more authentic and romantic. Eric might be a vampire, but he always listened Sookie's wishes and even said that he wouldn't never force a woman to be with him.
My critic is: you should definetely try to improve your dialogues because they often seem to be bland or plain unnatural. Lastly I'd like to say that you should definetely work on characterization, even if you are borrowing these characters you should make sure that the changes you make are believable. Keep on writing!
2/4/2017 c2 Guest
That seems more likely plot in the TB
That seems more likely plot in the TB
2/4/2017 c1 Guest
Hahaha. Football movrs. Superbowl tomorrow
Hahaha. Football movrs. Superbowl tomorrow
11/12/2016 c13 jackie69
This story is so so funny...please tell me you are updating this story somewhere else!
Do you have a wordpress blog?
If so could you please tell me how it's called?
This story is so so funny...please tell me you are updating this story somewhere else!
Do you have a wordpress blog?
If so could you please tell me how it's called?
7/5/2016 c13 AZSeaOtter
That was hysterical! I sooo wished you had finished, but it was still great! Thanks for sharing!
That was hysterical! I sooo wished you had finished, but it was still great! Thanks for sharing!
2/18/2015 c13 Melanie
You seriously just get better and better! I love your writing! Eric is a little different in this story, but I like it! Please keep going with this story! I can't tell you how much I love your stuff!
You seriously just get better and better! I love your writing! Eric is a little different in this story, but I like it! Please keep going with this story! I can't tell you how much I love your stuff!