for Trials of the Rain1/16/2010 c2 
2Windraider
Wasn't the 8th form of Yamamoto supposed to be duplicate room which was meant as a dummy and a counter attack move? So how did it turned into an attack move?
2WindraiderWasn't the 8th form of Yamamoto supposed to be duplicate room which was meant as a dummy and a counter attack move? So how did it turned into an attack move?
1/1/2010 c2 39Neospice12
Hm, the story is quite interesting. The plot of the story is creative as well.
I was a bit confused by the bolding and all of the italics but I got used to it.
Anyways, it may be better if you described things a bit more and put in more of what characters are feeling at the moment.
Like in a fight you can have them think about what they will do or what they think of the enemy or something.
If you space out information, it may help as well. If you put all of the information out at once, it just may confuse the people who are a bit slow on catching onto things. -points to self-
Either way, I think the story is interesting and it was rather well done for your first try. ^^ (better than my first)
-Neospice12
39Neospice12Hm, the story is quite interesting. The plot of the story is creative as well.
I was a bit confused by the bolding and all of the italics but I got used to it.
Anyways, it may be better if you described things a bit more and put in more of what characters are feeling at the moment.
Like in a fight you can have them think about what they will do or what they think of the enemy or something.
If you space out information, it may help as well. If you put all of the information out at once, it just may confuse the people who are a bit slow on catching onto things. -points to self-
Either way, I think the story is interesting and it was rather well done for your first try. ^^ (better than my first)
-Neospice12
12/30/2009 c2 6cherryblossomrocks93
Sorry if i haven't respond. There are some grammatical mistakes and i think that they are too many dialouge parts, but other than that it is a good story please update.
6cherryblossomrocks93Sorry if i haven't respond. There are some grammatical mistakes and i think that they are too many dialouge parts, but other than that it is a good story please update.
12/26/2009 c2 Skyzyz Kittyfish
Doing great so far! I can see a few typos/convention errors, so you might want to skim over and reread each chapter before you post. just so you can do some last minuet editing. Uh...I think thats it so far. You're good at keeping the characters in character, and as far as I can see, Alicia is safe from mary-sueism. Keep it up!
Doing great so far! I can see a few typos/convention errors, so you might want to skim over and reread each chapter before you post. just so you can do some last minuet editing. Uh...I think thats it so far. You're good at keeping the characters in character, and as far as I can see, Alicia is safe from mary-sueism. Keep it up!
12/16/2009 c1 Skyzyz Kittyfish
hm, I'd say a very good start. sorry, I would have reviewed much earlier but once I got back from school I fell asleep in the living room. my little brother stepped on my head. more in depth...
Your writing style comes off to me as good, full of potential but a little new. You will definitely get better in time. you might want to try typing so the text looks like how one would speak. You can shape a piece of writing with lots and lots of commas. well...don't go overkill, alright? Your plot is really good in my opinion, and I already like your character, but if this is your first story, watch your OC to make sure you don't end up with a mary sue. though I doubt you will have to worry about it, it seems your off to a wonderful, awesome start!
good job at keeping the canon characters in character, btw. I have issues with that.
hm, I'd say a very good start. sorry, I would have reviewed much earlier but once I got back from school I fell asleep in the living room. my little brother stepped on my head. more in depth...
Your writing style comes off to me as good, full of potential but a little new. You will definitely get better in time. you might want to try typing so the text looks like how one would speak. You can shape a piece of writing with lots and lots of commas. well...don't go overkill, alright? Your plot is really good in my opinion, and I already like your character, but if this is your first story, watch your OC to make sure you don't end up with a mary sue. though I doubt you will have to worry about it, it seems your off to a wonderful, awesome start!
good job at keeping the canon characters in character, btw. I have issues with that.