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for The Fair Maiden and the Lord of the Underworld

11/30/2018 c1 4rini anointed436
From the beginning, it looks like a classic literary piece with the mention of a Greek setting and its mythological figures. The illustratively detailed paragraphs makes this an engaging read that inhibits the reader’s vivid imagination of the whole scenario. Hades seems to be a fitting role for Kyoya since he’s known as the Shadow King/Demon Lord and could play Devil’s advocate. A feminine-looking Ranka with man hands can be imagined to portray Demeter. Tamaki as Zeus is simply amusing; except, the real him isn’t really a womanizer despite his charm. For the most part, it’s nice how you’d written everyone into their roles in a classical tale. Although I’m not a huge fan of the KyoHaru pairing, they make quite an interesting pair with them both having a shared mutual understanding and seemingly good chemistry in their personal interactions. That Kyoya sure is a sly one to setup Haruhi in this situation in order for him to have her to himself.

In some parts, there are minor grammatical errors that could be fixed through proofreading with a little editing. A pronoun could’ve been inserted as needed and the proper word or term isn’t used in certain parts to give the sentence it’s coherence.
7/8/2015 c1 ColaGummyBears
Brilliant, simply brilliant! Great job! :)
6/19/2015 c1 9CheshireKitKat
this was definitely interesting! XD
11/30/2014 c1 1Skywroe
That was so great :) I would love to see a sequel to this. I love the dresses Haruhi and Ranka-san wore, I could imagine such beauty and they looked amazing, I'm actually loving Hades just because of this story.
10/27/2014 c1 Guest
This was awesome! The storyline was incredible, I enjoyed it greatly! Even the ending was good. _
It's rare I find such a well thoughtout and well written Fanfic.
8/18/2013 c1 14uyay
I like the beginning and middle, but I'm not sure how I feel about the ending, I feel like it needs a follow up, like a second chapter or an epilogue that continues or at least tells us if they get together in the real world.
5/19/2013 c1 littletigery
Are you doing a sequel? You should, you left it at the perfrect spot for one.
1/21/2013 c1 EndlessChains
I must say that this was pretty funny. I like how you incorporated a Greek myth with these two. It really fits their personality. The poetic description you put into the story was beautifully chosen and vivid. It was interesting to see how they will get to know each other and soon fall in love with each other. Kyoya's jealousy is justified but who knew that is what will start the kidnapping. By the end of the story, I did not expect it all to be some shared dream that Kyoya got from Nekozawa. He can be really tricky when he wants to be that is for sure. The story was nicely written and the plot was really well though out. For a first story it is well done. The plot was really interesting in its own way. Thank you. Keep up the good work.
1/3/2013 c1 4AnimeApprentice
That was genius. I just can think of nothing else to say.
4/6/2012 c1 Senseijordan
Love love love love it! Love the twist at the end sooooo amazing love how you mix in Greek myth
5/15/2011 c1 5setlib
For a first story, this was very well done. First of all, the IDEA was fantastic! I'm a sucker for a Haruhi/Kyoya pairing, and for any Hades/Persephone story, but to combine the two was just brilliant. I even liked the end, with them waking up and the bit about the shared dream spell (room for a sequel there!). Also your vocabulary is sophisticated and your descriptions are lovely and detailed. You definitely have the building blocks there for being a great writer!

There are two suggestions I would make for improving. First, my pet peeve is head-hopping. If you're going to use multiple points of view at once, make sure it's really clear when you change between them. For example, the paragraph where they're riding on Acheron (which, by the way, was a totally HOT mental image for me!) - the paragraph started out in her POV and ended up in his. Make sure you at least start a new paragraph when you switch POV.

Second, your sentences sometimes run on a little too long and I begin to lose track of the subject. Try making your sentences shorter and more direct, so that your meaning comes across more clearly.

I wouldn't bother writing such a long review if I didn't think you had great potential. You have the ideas and the vocabulary, the actual writing will become more refined as you practice. So write another story!
4/24/2011 c1 Cactus2008
Brilliant characterization and laugh out loud funny moments! It would have been a wonderful AU fic as it was, with all the Host Club featured as various Greek gods. Kyouya makes a believable Hades and Haruhi the natural Persephone (pun fully intended). Added bonus at the end when it turned out to be a shared dream, courtesy of Nekozawa's spell. Hmm, he's quite the businessman too, dealing with spells in such a way. Enjoyed this tremendously and look forward to more Ouran fics featuring Kyouya and Haruhi from you. Thanks!
3/9/2011 c1 Conanfan15
I really liked it :D

The story was acceptable, everyone in character, and very well written.

Please write more~ :)

Conanfan15 ^^
1/20/2011 c1 Suilan90
Great story! Extremely fun to read!
12/27/2010 c1 katarina
oh kyouya what will he do next that rich basterd
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