for Champions8/10/2010 c9 
4truegold-dragonstar
No, there's more going on here than meets the eye. Sure, Ringlet might want Enigmus on the team because he's her boyfriend, but why would she insist on him being team leader? She's got too much smarts to put him in that position if he can't handle it. I reckon there's still something we don't know about him. Not to mention Mightor's story, which clearly has hidden depths.
Berber seems surprisingly sympathetic, all things considered, which is nice, because it would have been very easy for him to have been just a stock cardboard cutout oily politicking figure. As it is he has a self-awareness which is very disarming, so I'd like to watch him and see if he does manage to turn out one of the good guys or if he is just the money-grubbing sort forming the Challengers as a PA stunt, like he seemed when we heard of him.
4truegold-dragonstarNo, there's more going on here than meets the eye. Sure, Ringlet might want Enigmus on the team because he's her boyfriend, but why would she insist on him being team leader? She's got too much smarts to put him in that position if he can't handle it. I reckon there's still something we don't know about him. Not to mention Mightor's story, which clearly has hidden depths.
Berber seems surprisingly sympathetic, all things considered, which is nice, because it would have been very easy for him to have been just a stock cardboard cutout oily politicking figure. As it is he has a self-awareness which is very disarming, so I'd like to watch him and see if he does manage to turn out one of the good guys or if he is just the money-grubbing sort forming the Challengers as a PA stunt, like he seemed when we heard of him.
2/13/2010 c8 truegold-dragonstar
Ooh, great chapter. It's fun to meet new heroes and watch them show off their abilities :-D Although I too have a nagging feeling that I have heard the name 'Enigmus' before. Hmm. Can't think where, though.
In terms of the writing, you're getting all of the usual problems associated with a huge number of characters on stage; you're (correctly) trying not to spend ages detailing out exactly where everyone is, but sometimes that means the reader misses things - a few places in this chapter I had to blink and go 'wait, where did he come from' (look over Mr Stack's first appearance in a short sentence at the tail end of a paragraph) and go back read over a section a few times to make out exactly what's going on. But I'm not sure that there's anything much you can do about it.
Ooh, great chapter. It's fun to meet new heroes and watch them show off their abilities :-D Although I too have a nagging feeling that I have heard the name 'Enigmus' before. Hmm. Can't think where, though.
In terms of the writing, you're getting all of the usual problems associated with a huge number of characters on stage; you're (correctly) trying not to spend ages detailing out exactly where everyone is, but sometimes that means the reader misses things - a few places in this chapter I had to blink and go 'wait, where did he come from' (look over Mr Stack's first appearance in a short sentence at the tail end of a paragraph) and go back read over a section a few times to make out exactly what's going on. But I'm not sure that there's anything much you can do about it.
2/10/2010 c7 truegold-dragonstar
Oh no! That's really, really not good. I hope the Champions can pull themselves together before any more crises happen... but somehow I doubt it...
Oh no! That's really, really not good. I hope the Champions can pull themselves together before any more crises happen... but somehow I doubt it...
1/26/2010 c5 truegold-dragonstar
Agh, I missed one again. Sorry! I expect you're used to my crazy busy life by now or I'd apologise harder...
I'm starting to get quite varied impressions of the characters now, which is good - Persona is clearly practical and sensible, a reliable, diplomatic type, while Tracey is giving off young but serene and wise vibes. The guys? Who knows yet. X seems a bit impulsive. Brick is anyone's guess. Phaser we haven't exactly seen at his best. Clark seems like he might become an important character; he's WAY too coincidental otherwise, but it's hard to tell who else is important and who's just filling in space, which is good, because it makes the world seem properly large and well defined. Also this group doesn't seem like your 'typical' comic book superheroes, which is also really good... even when individually they might fit that category (you have a mind reader, you have a flyer, you have a hulk), the group as a whole seems kinda more oddball and inconsistent and realistic. I'm waiting to see more about them as people and how that group dynamic is going to work out.
'Survivor's Story' did have its stereotypical moments... that stuff with her name, for instance... but I really don't see any way you could have avoided it, and hell, she's a kid and her planet just got destroyed, she's got a right to be a tiny bit stereotypically melodramatic...
The villains are good too. Can't wait to see how things develop!
Agh, I missed one again. Sorry! I expect you're used to my crazy busy life by now or I'd apologise harder...
I'm starting to get quite varied impressions of the characters now, which is good - Persona is clearly practical and sensible, a reliable, diplomatic type, while Tracey is giving off young but serene and wise vibes. The guys? Who knows yet. X seems a bit impulsive. Brick is anyone's guess. Phaser we haven't exactly seen at his best. Clark seems like he might become an important character; he's WAY too coincidental otherwise, but it's hard to tell who else is important and who's just filling in space, which is good, because it makes the world seem properly large and well defined. Also this group doesn't seem like your 'typical' comic book superheroes, which is also really good... even when individually they might fit that category (you have a mind reader, you have a flyer, you have a hulk), the group as a whole seems kinda more oddball and inconsistent and realistic. I'm waiting to see more about them as people and how that group dynamic is going to work out.
'Survivor's Story' did have its stereotypical moments... that stuff with her name, for instance... but I really don't see any way you could have avoided it, and hell, she's a kid and her planet just got destroyed, she's got a right to be a tiny bit stereotypically melodramatic...
The villains are good too. Can't wait to see how things develop!
1/17/2010 c2 truegold-dragonstar
Okay, who invented the acronyms? Someone had WAY too much fun doing that.
I love this opening - it's really intriguing and leaves us wanting to know how things got to this point. And what happens next, since clearly the shuttle is an escape vehicle from the now destroyed cruiser... but did the heroes destroy it and get out? Or did the bad guys escape? Watch next week's exciting episode to find out!
*cough*. Okay. But seriously, yeah, of course there are more important things. Take your time - I'll be here whenever you get a chance to write!
Okay, who invented the acronyms? Someone had WAY too much fun doing that.
I love this opening - it's really intriguing and leaves us wanting to know how things got to this point. And what happens next, since clearly the shuttle is an escape vehicle from the now destroyed cruiser... but did the heroes destroy it and get out? Or did the bad guys escape? Watch next week's exciting episode to find out!
*cough*. Okay. But seriously, yeah, of course there are more important things. Take your time - I'll be here whenever you get a chance to write!
1/9/2010 c1 truegold-dragonstar
SQUE!
Me wants story, though.
(ps - probably shouldn't be putting this in a review, but since there is no story to comment on yet, I should point out that Specks is back on hold. Yes, yes, I know, but the thing is my friend Nancy asked me to join her new D&D game, which means I'm playing 3 games now, which means all the time I'm not I'm trying to catch up on my college work)
SQUE!
Me wants story, though.
(ps - probably shouldn't be putting this in a review, but since there is no story to comment on yet, I should point out that Specks is back on hold. Yes, yes, I know, but the thing is my friend Nancy asked me to join her new D&D game, which means I'm playing 3 games now, which means all the time I'm not I'm trying to catch up on my college work)