for The Story Of Sarelle1/12/2010 c7 
24MistoffelessTrekyManiac
PLEASE TELL ME THAT STUPID WOMAN DIED! anyway, awesomeness as usual
24MistoffelessTrekyManiacPLEASE TELL ME THAT STUPID WOMAN DIED! anyway, awesomeness as usual
1/11/2010 c5 MoonBeamerGirl1644
You know I could just say "this was good, update soon!" but I'm gonna leave a longer comment since this is a "review" after all...
I think that this is an awesome story. Very unique and with captivating scenes each one more interesting then the last.
The way you write is very atractive to us - your readers. You use clear and understandable sentences which is good for those readers, whose main language isn't English.
I also like the fact that as you discribe the situations and the actions of the characters you don't use words that are more modern like. Instead your sentences tend to be a little more like what Sarelle, a person born in 1910, would sound like. Good job!
The fact that the protagonist (main character) is at a very young age is unique and a very nice twist from the usual age of main characters in novels (beginners stories and world know masterpieces alike). It's a fresh way to express the innocence of the character and it brings out possibilities for the plot that would be impossible if that character was older.
Like when Edward's family takes her in. If she was say 20 at the time, would you let you 5 year old son talk to a complete stranger (who is muddy and has blood on there clothes on top of that) and after hearing there tragic tail let them live in your house with no payment what so ever? I think not.
Although there are some parts I don't really like about the story they are only miner things and stuff that can be easily sorted out (if you want to know which scenes those are just send a reply). However the number of good scenes and just plain moments of awesomeness (not a word but whatever) are a lot more and they make up for the others.
All in all this is a very nice pease of literature with an interesting plot and many unexpected turns. Please don't leave you're readers hanging and update a new chapter for our reading pleasure.
I just realized all my last two sentences said was "this was good, update soon!", oh well its true any ways. I can't wait to find out what happens next!
You know I could just say "this was good, update soon!" but I'm gonna leave a longer comment since this is a "review" after all...
I think that this is an awesome story. Very unique and with captivating scenes each one more interesting then the last.
The way you write is very atractive to us - your readers. You use clear and understandable sentences which is good for those readers, whose main language isn't English.
I also like the fact that as you discribe the situations and the actions of the characters you don't use words that are more modern like. Instead your sentences tend to be a little more like what Sarelle, a person born in 1910, would sound like. Good job!
The fact that the protagonist (main character) is at a very young age is unique and a very nice twist from the usual age of main characters in novels (beginners stories and world know masterpieces alike). It's a fresh way to express the innocence of the character and it brings out possibilities for the plot that would be impossible if that character was older.
Like when Edward's family takes her in. If she was say 20 at the time, would you let you 5 year old son talk to a complete stranger (who is muddy and has blood on there clothes on top of that) and after hearing there tragic tail let them live in your house with no payment what so ever? I think not.
Although there are some parts I don't really like about the story they are only miner things and stuff that can be easily sorted out (if you want to know which scenes those are just send a reply). However the number of good scenes and just plain moments of awesomeness (not a word but whatever) are a lot more and they make up for the others.
All in all this is a very nice pease of literature with an interesting plot and many unexpected turns. Please don't leave you're readers hanging and update a new chapter for our reading pleasure.
I just realized all my last two sentences said was "this was good, update soon!", oh well its true any ways. I can't wait to find out what happens next!