4/14/2010 c4 Chad17
As usual, this is great! Your ending is suspenseful, "All of a sudden someone started jumping maybe dancing or stomping up the stairs. But with that person going up the stairs I was bouncing from the vibrations like 4 feet up in the air! I wonder who it is..." Erin is so an OMG girl, by the way. AH! I'M FOREVER 15! I actually expected Edward to laugh.
As usual, this is great! Your ending is suspenseful, "All of a sudden someone started jumping maybe dancing or stomping up the stairs. But with that person going up the stairs I was bouncing from the vibrations like 4 feet up in the air! I wonder who it is..." Erin is so an OMG girl, by the way. AH! I'M FOREVER 15! I actually expected Edward to laugh.
4/14/2010 c3 Chad17
Much better than your first two chapters. It's less funny and more dramatic, which I would totally understand. But at the end it seems like Erin LIKE-LIKES Carlisle, if you know what I mean. "My voice sounded like it was stolen by an angel." But other than that, it's your best so far!
Much better than your first two chapters. It's less funny and more dramatic, which I would totally understand. But at the end it seems like Erin LIKE-LIKES Carlisle, if you know what I mean. "My voice sounded like it was stolen by an angel." But other than that, it's your best so far!
4/14/2010 c2 Chad17
Wow, all that came to mind was the same review I just gave you. Unlike some authors, your style doesn't change while you write and you try to keep the level of writing the same which is good, because I personally usually advance as I write, then it looks like I was stupid then all of a sudden get smarter, so that's good! Still funny (sniffle, sniffle, sniffle, sniffle, dry cry)!
Wow, all that came to mind was the same review I just gave you. Unlike some authors, your style doesn't change while you write and you try to keep the level of writing the same which is good, because I personally usually advance as I write, then it looks like I was stupid then all of a sudden get smarter, so that's good! Still funny (sniffle, sniffle, sniffle, sniffle, dry cry)!
4/14/2010 c1 Chad17
I like your style of writing! Switching perspectives of the main characters is pretty sweet! Although some of your spelling and grammar is off, it's still understandable to read. And this chapter is funny. The you're-dead-if-you-don't-shut-up-now-this-is-serious glare. I've seen that glare before!
I like your style of writing! Switching perspectives of the main characters is pretty sweet! Although some of your spelling and grammar is off, it's still understandable to read. And this chapter is funny. The you're-dead-if-you-don't-shut-up-now-this-is-serious glare. I've seen that glare before!
3/18/2010 c1 bythevishanti
I like this, but "Emmit" is spelled "Emmett." There are gramatical errors and spelling errors and stuff like that, but it's still okay. Oh, and one more thing. You reviewed yourself? Wow...
~LUUE
I like this, but "Emmit" is spelled "Emmett." There are gramatical errors and spelling errors and stuff like that, but it's still okay. Oh, and one more thing. You reviewed yourself? Wow...
~LUUE