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for Battle for Pelennor

11/19/2019 c1 48megSUPERFAN
*applause* It's so beautifully Rohirric! :D My one complaint is that it's rather short, but I love this all the same.
12/13/2018 c1 9TheDarkLordofDoom
The Shadow of Sauron spreads over Sickly land
As riveting tale ravages my roiling mind to write a review by hand.
Very well written indeed. Alliterative meter from 'Sir Gawain and the Green Knight' in the world of Middle-earth is strangely fitting for me.
How you manage to convey such powerful emotion from so small a poem escapes me.
However, please pardon me for saying that this particular poem would be better served by a traditional iambic pentameter. It is a challenge indeed to write in an Anglo-Saxon alliterative meter for this particular scene, and this is about as good as it gets.

However, a scene such as the charge of the Rohirrim at Helm's Deep, the confrontation between Éowyn and The Witch-King and the Battle of the Morannon are better suited to a poem of this type.

The rhyming scheme was perfect and so was the alliteration, but one or two lines seem laboured, such as the line where 'Gondor' was used twice.

I find this as one of your oldest works, and it does a wonderful job to convey the sheer glory of the battle, but this particular scene I find better conveyed in a blank-verse pentameter whereas the scenes of decisive action, I find, are better suited to alliteration. It is one of those rare things one finds when one is thinking of poems in a hobbit-like manner, that is, with whom and fancy and no particular aspiration.

However, I must truly admit that with all your poems, you manage to bring a smile to my face- that of one who has read a good lot but lacks any poetic talent of his own whatsoever.

It consistently satisfies my craving for good poetry when I myself cannot produce it.
6/22/2012 c1 9innail
These (by that I mean this as well as your acrostic LotR poems) are VERY, VERY good. In fact, I can honestly give them the highest praise possible for a LotR fic: Quality worthy of the great Professor himself. I agree that using Anglo-Saxon inspiration is very fitting. Actually, JRRT himself took a great deal of inspiration from the Anglo-Saxon epic poem Beowulf. What is truly amazing is that the alliteration in this poem does not seem forced, but rather, entirely natural.
4/10/2012 c1 14Chaos In Her Wake
Indeed, it it very fitting to write such a poem! It's very well thought out and thoroughly enjoyable. Some of the most noteworthy lines for me are 'Denethor... arrayed' and 'Dernhelm... eyes'. They seem to fit very well with Tolkien's style and they flow very nicely. I dunno, maybe I just like the letter 'D'. :) Amazing poem. You are a wonderful writer.
3/20/2012 c1 18Nazgul67
Oh wow! It's incredible! I don't know what else to say - but this poem's awesome!

Ugh..if only I could get as good as you :( Oh well, I can dream, right?
2/24/2012 c1 mornnenn
I was really quite excited when I came across this poem; alliterative poetry is one of my favorite forms (particularly after reading the poetry about Túrin in The Lays of Beleriand), and it does indeed seem to fit the Rohirrim.

It was a good poem for the most part although ‘Théoden, Thengel's son, right in the thick of things’ seemed to break me from the illusion of the past that you had so nicely set for a moment.

My favorite line was ‘Dernhelm the doughty with death in dark eyes’ which had great rhythm and sway and was very dramatic.

Good work on such a hard and seemingly unappreciated form of poetry!
12/4/2011 c1 BakerStreetIsLastRefugeOfHope
A great poem fic. Very well written.
4/2/2011 c1 429Aria Breuer
I guess this lets us both know I managed to figure out how the alliterative meter works, since figuring out it doesn't rhyme.

I found no grammatical mistakes, but if there were any I'm sure you can re-read this poem and proofread through it, but all in all the style was interesting for me to read. You don't often see these styles of poetry on this site.

I liked how you summed up the Battle for Pelennor as it revealed in "The Return of the King", which made it easier and more visual for me to understand where this poem is headed.

Good job. This poem was indeed well-written.

-Aria Breuer
5/18/2010 c1 17Ragnelle
Ok, if I had seen this first, I would have given your other poem a slightly different review. Sorry about that. (I still think the wording in the summary was misleading, but...)

As I said: I like alliteration very much, and I think you have done a good job on it here. Several of the lines are very good and for the most part the alliteration flows well.

The first line comes off a little weak, and that is unfortunate as it is the opening and therefore needs to be strong to make a good impression. I think it is the rhythm that does it, and the fact that it uses one of the forms of arrangement of the alliterations that is less used. Tolkien describes this in "The Monsters and the Critics" in "On Translating Beowulf." The first stressed syllable in the second half-line (what he reefers to as the first lift) is the key and decides the alliteration. The strongest lift in the first half must alliterate with it. The other lift in the first half-line may also alliterate with it, but the second lift in the second half may not. Cross-alitteration is found, but it is rare. This is what you have used, and while technically correct, I think it does not work well in the opening. Let me explain (capital letter to show the alliterations):

"The Siege had STarted, in Sorry STate was Gondor"

The 'Sorry STate' comes very close to each other, and the second is weakened quite a lot by this. That makes the line feel more cumbersome and it does not flow all that well. To contrast it with a line that works very well:

"DEnethor in DEspair sat DEathly arrayed"

This flows really well, the rhythm is strong and clear, the alliteration follows the main rule and it works with the natural rhythm of the language. All this things makes it stronger with an easy, natural flow and it would have been a much stronger opening for the poem.

I would suggest a re-arrangement of the lines so that you open with Denethor, It would both provide a strong first image as well as providing a strong first line. The weaker line would not be as noticeable if the opening was strong, but you can also rewrite it to make it stronger. (Slight rewrite for what I think is a little better rhythm, but feel free to disagree with me on that:)

"Denethor in despair sat deathly arrayed

As Faramir's face with a fever flamed.

Leering orcs lunged forth with lances in place;

The siege had started on the City of Stone."

There are a few other places where the rhythm does not flow as well as it could, but it is never really bad, and several lines are rather good. I have already quoted the Denethor-line (which I think is my favorite), but I also like the following:

"But battled on boldly, battering the foe"

"Dernhelm the doughty with death in dark eyes"

"The city stands safe, soldiers cheer from white walls"

I also like the last line, but I am suddenly unsure as to where the stress in Pelennor comes. I think it is pelENNor, not PELennor (the single 'l' and double 'n' makes the second most probable). If that is correct (and I may be wrong; it will have to be checked), then the alliteration falls trough and ruins an otherwise very good line. I hope I am wrong, for I do like it. If I am right, it can be saved by rewriting it to "The plains of Pelennor lay in peace for a while."

I don't have time to check if you have other poems right now, but I do like the two I have seen, so I might look it up at a later time.
1/27/2010 c1 Deleted Account Pending Remove
This was always one of my favorite parts of LOTR. When I read it in Professor Tolkien's book, his writing transported me there. This poem of yours took me back again. I know, I wasn't really there, but this poem makes me feel like someone who WAS there and then, years later, heard a magnificent rendition of it from a storyteller. Wow!

The alliterative meter works really well and creates a very immediate, dramatic effect. I kept seeing such vivid scenes evoked in my mind by just one line of your poem: Denethor, Faramir, Dernhelm, the cheering people on the walls after the battle... it's all fantastically expressive.

I've read a handful of poems in this style, but I never knew what it was called before. I've -never- read a fan poem in alliterative meter until now. Anyway I really appreciate your explanation of the style in your author's note. It very much increased my ability to enjoy your creation, with the clear understanding of how it's designed.

Favorite part: I can't help it, the part about Dernhelm. Eowyn's always been one of my biggest personal heroes (surely it must be the same for many girls who grow up reading Tolkien) and you really captured both her personality and her secrecy in those two lines. I definitely noticed that you made no mention whatever of her gender! Yet to someone who didn't know the story, they would doubtless have assumed 'Dernhelm' was male from the style you used. And yet nothing about it contradicts who she really was.

Hey, I could talk that much about each of your lines but that'd be obnoxious of me. Just let the record show that I'm still, as always, wildly impressed with your poetry. Please keep writing! And I do hope, by the way, that you include a lot of poetry in your original novels too. That'd be awesome!

-Lysana

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