for bloodred fox8/17/2012 c1 
4iluvninjas
this is a really good story maybe i maybe i can give u ideas when u need them
4iluvninjasthis is a really good story maybe i maybe i can give u ideas when u need them
3/3/2010 c1 Herdo
First of, thank you for reviewing on my story.
Now then, let's get started.
You use bold text, which I personally prefer to use to reinforce powerful or/or loud sounds, like for example the voice of a demon. Many might however get annoyed with constant bold text as it might be hard for them to read but that varies from person to person.
Do not hold the readers hostage with demands of reviews to continue a story. Readers don't like it and it shows that you are not writing for yourself, which can hint to the readers that you are not doing this seriously, and thus they can become baised and harsh when reading you story, which ain't a good thing.
I myself is quite bad with spelling and grammar but I will do my best to try to help you with it.
Example: "get back hear demon!" yelled a villagers who was the apparently leader of the mob- Should be something like this: "Get back here you demon!" yelled the villager who apperently was the leader of the mob.
You misspell quite a lot, by either missing a letter or write a word that sounds similar to the one you intend to use but means something different, which indicates speed writing without looking at what you are writing, spellcheck can fix most of these but I suggest you look over what you have written once or twice, perhaps read one time backwards, and try to find words and sentences that you are uncertain is correct, and then try to fix them.
Try to remember that every sentence start with a capital letter, try to not mix past and present, try to not mix plural and singular, and try to avoid mix words that sound and spell similar but mean different things.
I wish I could help more on the subject but like I said, I am pretty bad at grammar and spelling myself.
Now let's take a look at the plot. You started with the classic "Naruto gets chased by evil mob, and then awakens a new power", and you try to take a new spin to it, by giving him two weapons that most likely are both sentient and can transform. That is the beginning. Now to a writer it is good to have one. Now think, do you have a ending in you mind for this story? It doesn't have to be good, epic or anything, it just have to end the story. Make sure you have one in you mind when writing to prevent the storyline from spiraling out of control and getting fucked up.
Now try to have a realistic perspective. Add details, not boring ones like 30pages dull writing on what someones' outfit look like but minor details on both the characters and the enviroment, which makes it easier and more fun to read. Ask yourself some questions like: "what would he do in this situation" or "how would he react in this situation".
Try also to keep you characters in character, as people are reading fanfiction for the sole reason of those characters. They generally don't want to read about an original character with Narutos' name attached. Original characters are good if well written but very few can handle that.
If you also write for something that happens, try to have an explanation in your mind to tell the readers later, as very few are pleased with this explanation: "I wrote it like this because I said and/or wanted to!"
When you write, try go with the flow, write what your mind paints up and once that is finished add the details and adjustments.
You also write quite a short chapter, which is acceptable for a prologue but this current plot you have won't be good if you upload short chapters. Aim for around 20-10 words, which will make the readers more satisfied by the chapter and content than a 1k word chapter.
Try to avoid clichés, what is often common and boring ideas and try to stay original and stick to the rules of the site in the subject of contents.
I hope you continue this story as it have potential.
It is good that you had the guts to upload your story and try to improve yourself and enjoy writing and of course: unleash your imagination! :D
Sorry if this review isn't as good as it should be but I am a novice at writing reviews but hopefully it was useful in at least some ways. And this is not a flame since I have not insulted your story, I have tried to be a critic (though I am pretty bad at it) and sorry for any miss spelled words and stuff like that.
From Herdo
First of, thank you for reviewing on my story.
Now then, let's get started.
You use bold text, which I personally prefer to use to reinforce powerful or/or loud sounds, like for example the voice of a demon. Many might however get annoyed with constant bold text as it might be hard for them to read but that varies from person to person.
Do not hold the readers hostage with demands of reviews to continue a story. Readers don't like it and it shows that you are not writing for yourself, which can hint to the readers that you are not doing this seriously, and thus they can become baised and harsh when reading you story, which ain't a good thing.
I myself is quite bad with spelling and grammar but I will do my best to try to help you with it.
Example: "get back hear demon!" yelled a villagers who was the apparently leader of the mob- Should be something like this: "Get back here you demon!" yelled the villager who apperently was the leader of the mob.
You misspell quite a lot, by either missing a letter or write a word that sounds similar to the one you intend to use but means something different, which indicates speed writing without looking at what you are writing, spellcheck can fix most of these but I suggest you look over what you have written once or twice, perhaps read one time backwards, and try to find words and sentences that you are uncertain is correct, and then try to fix them.
Try to remember that every sentence start with a capital letter, try to not mix past and present, try to not mix plural and singular, and try to avoid mix words that sound and spell similar but mean different things.
I wish I could help more on the subject but like I said, I am pretty bad at grammar and spelling myself.
Now let's take a look at the plot. You started with the classic "Naruto gets chased by evil mob, and then awakens a new power", and you try to take a new spin to it, by giving him two weapons that most likely are both sentient and can transform. That is the beginning. Now to a writer it is good to have one. Now think, do you have a ending in you mind for this story? It doesn't have to be good, epic or anything, it just have to end the story. Make sure you have one in you mind when writing to prevent the storyline from spiraling out of control and getting fucked up.
Now try to have a realistic perspective. Add details, not boring ones like 30pages dull writing on what someones' outfit look like but minor details on both the characters and the enviroment, which makes it easier and more fun to read. Ask yourself some questions like: "what would he do in this situation" or "how would he react in this situation".
Try also to keep you characters in character, as people are reading fanfiction for the sole reason of those characters. They generally don't want to read about an original character with Narutos' name attached. Original characters are good if well written but very few can handle that.
If you also write for something that happens, try to have an explanation in your mind to tell the readers later, as very few are pleased with this explanation: "I wrote it like this because I said and/or wanted to!"
When you write, try go with the flow, write what your mind paints up and once that is finished add the details and adjustments.
You also write quite a short chapter, which is acceptable for a prologue but this current plot you have won't be good if you upload short chapters. Aim for around 20-10 words, which will make the readers more satisfied by the chapter and content than a 1k word chapter.
Try to avoid clichés, what is often common and boring ideas and try to stay original and stick to the rules of the site in the subject of contents.
I hope you continue this story as it have potential.
It is good that you had the guts to upload your story and try to improve yourself and enjoy writing and of course: unleash your imagination! :D
Sorry if this review isn't as good as it should be but I am a novice at writing reviews but hopefully it was useful in at least some ways. And this is not a flame since I have not insulted your story, I have tried to be a critic (though I am pretty bad at it) and sorry for any miss spelled words and stuff like that.
From Herdo