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6/14/2011 c1 sobasically
This story is very good but I do have some mistakes to point out mostly grammar and facts. Shmuel did in fact know who Kotler was he even said he was scared of him. And coarse is really supposed to be course please don't see this as a flame because it's not I just wanted to point out some errors you made but all together the story was very good
7/18/2010 c1 Slinkgirl95
I never got to read this part in the book. Good job!
5/19/2010 c1 Maggie
This part was very sad in the book, and even sadder from Shmuel's pov. (that was a compliment on your writing,)
3/24/2010 c1 2Namine Aki
Simply.Tawny how can you be so rude? This story is alive and has good meaning. Yes, the spelling and gramma may no be so great but is that up to you to point out so rudly. If you really hated the story so much why did you read it and review it? I think you should keep your comments to yourself and learn to say it without offending!

BTW i really did like your story it highlights schmuels point of view ;D
3/11/2010 c1 Simply.Tawny
This story's grammar is horrible. In the beginning part when Shmuel is thinking, the thought needs to be in italics and it needs a question mark at the end. (I am not going to list every single area that needs revision. As an author, it is your job to read the story over for errors.)

Shmuel did know who Lieutenant Kotler was. Lieutenant Kotler was mentioned in chapter thirteen and Shmuel said that he scared him.

This story lacks in originality. It's kind of boring to read (and quite difficult too because of the grammar). I also think I should bring up another area where a mistake was made. They would not have had paper napkins. They would have used cloth napkins. (The wrong fact won't kill the story, but it makes the writer seem like they haven't done their homework.)

With some work this story could be better; I'm not tyring to make you think you are a horrible writer or anything, I'm just trying to let you know that your story has errors that are in need of correction.

3/7/2010 c1 becksat
u should make more of this
2/26/2010 c1 2the sudoku kid
This is really well done, I noticed a word mistake in the following text it should be course not coarse: "I'm sorry Shmuel," Bruno said, "I should have given you some chicken too. Are you hungry?"

Of coarse I was hungry I thought.

Well if I accidentally offend you think of it this way at least I'm doing it politely and not flaming you. To repeat my earlier statement this is well done, and well nice job.
2/2/2010 c1 11Inzam42

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