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for Kick in the arse of the Wizarding World

6/10/2023 c16 Talon5Krrde
Are you planning a Book 2?
6/10/2023 c15 Talon5Krrde
Did you write this crossover? With your "Dawn Summers"?

Because a Dawn Summers who could save Joyce could be interesting...

And if YAHF adds another crossover?

What would happen if they go as Marines from DOOM? DOOM Marines on a Hellmouth could be interesting.
5/23/2023 c16 1RightWrong
This is incredible and I only hope it continues. Please write a new chapter so we get notified of any new developments sequel-wise.

Thanks so much for writing this, I hope one day your muse returns. Btw time skips are fine. Taking a few scenes (ideally your fav ones lol) from a year and skipping the rest is fine. I truly hope we get to read more on this world.
4/30/2023 c16 21CallaRose4ever
I would love to read more of this. I am wondering who you will pair her with because we all know she and Ron do not mesh well. lol : )
1/19/2022 c13 Guest
Seriously, this is such an interesting concept but the writing needs a LOT of work. Get yourself a beta with a strong writing background and give this an overhaul- it's a shame because it's such an interesting story but the writing is genuinely painful. Spelling mistakes of words and names (it's Marvolo, not Malvoro), tenses all over the shop, punctuation and grammar...
10/15/2021 c16 12Dark-Prince-of-Clowns
I really love how this all ended. It makes sense. You don't kill someone and stay the same, innocent child as before. It's not possible.

(Although Harry always WAS a bit...semi-sociopathic. Maybe amoral is a better term. -not like the dursley's would teach him the different between right and wrong, nor would the school, and he had no friends, no books and no tv watching as an option to learn morals.

But it's nice to see him ACTUALLY acting like a real person.)

That said, I wish you would write a sequel someday... Please tell me if you do.

I really am enjoying this story.
10/15/2021 c15 Dark-Prince-of-Clowns
"Used to be muggles"... So does that mean that Witches and Wizards really DID origionate from an ancestor making a Pact with the Devil in exchange for magic powers?

Or was Merlin's father a demon?

Or both?
10/15/2021 c14 Dark-Prince-of-Clowns
Personally I suggest ending it on a note that's something totally weird and confusing. (But knowing dumbledore's sense of humor, I'd totally believe he'd agree to a prank duel.)

So, like, right after the suggestion shouting, linebreak and go to something like;

"Fred's green and purple hat tilted precariously as Draco bended himself into a wheel.

His hands shook. Fred grinded his teets, trying to keep hos balance. Sweat broke out on his forehead.

A single card fell from the card pyramide to the left, and the hall broke out in applause, right before all the contenstants collapsed in a moaning heap on the floor.

"Aaaaand the winner iiiiis..." Jordan drew it out, even tho they already knew.



Insert celebration and the weasley twins dancing folkdance, or whatever you want here. And dumbledore twinkling at people.

That's pretty close to the canon ending anyway. _

(Except in canon, dumbledore cheats Slytherin of a victory they CLEARLY deserved, because he gave Harry & co last minute points that were so clearly AIMED at ensuring Gryffindor won. -He most likely wanted to reward Harry's reckless, self-sacrificing act, and made him feel loved by his housemates before sending him back to Hell... But it's still a jackass move.)

Anyway... I like your fic thus far. But I'm keeping my fingers crossed for Hermione discovering how fucked up and biggoted the system is, and how cowardly and idiotic the avrage wizard is, and ends up overthrowing the goverment -whether through politics or as a new "Dark Lady".

(The Cutting Curse is dark, but nobody actually mentiones THAT. The Minister knew Sirius was innocent, and still tried to kill him. So if someone stood up to fix the broken system, they're guaranteed going to be labled terrorists/Dark Wizard or witches.)

Looking forward to see how it turns out. _
10/15/2021 c10 Dark-Prince-of-Clowns
Poor Ron... so insecure. So stupid...

Far to stupid to realize there is a REASON why Chess started out as a game to practise REAL warfare. The amount of War Strategy a great chess-player must have -the abillity to know each pawn and soldier's strengths and weaknesses, and predict the enemies- and then be able to keep dousins or more possible outcomes in his head...

Ron would be a GREAT strategist and war leader -if only someone pointed it out to him.

I look forward to see if Hermione manage to put 2 and 2 together and get the answer. _
10/15/2021 c9 Dark-Prince-of-Clowns
I was under the impression Harry got PUNISHED if he got better grades than Dudley. (Dudley strikes me as someone who nearly flunked out too.)

And that, combined with Ron's insecureties, jealousy, and hatred for all things school, was what lead Harry to get terrible grades. (A habit from his childhood, that Ron enforced. If he HAD gotten good grades, Ron WOULD have punished him -by withdrawing his friendship, or whining, or belitteling him.)
10/13/2021 c8 Dark-Prince-of-Clowns
Forgot to mention in the last chapter review;
Yes, Potter IS a common surname in england. So much so that the name HARRY Potter is shared by at least 17 people above voting-age. (As in; they were named that BEFORE the books came out.)

I WANT to say I'm suprised Hogwarts cost anything at all, considering schooling is free in brittain, but... *Sigh* They DO live in the dark ages still...

Speaking of, have you found any mention on whether Hogwarts cost money or not from the author herself? I can't find any.

Although I find it hard to believe that it does, considering that Arthur's meagre paycheck as what is practically a clerk in a department that's bound to lack founding manages to pay for everything a family of at LEAST 7 needs, in ADDITION to paying for school and school stuff.

Molly don't earn money, as far as I can tell she's a housewife.

Isn't college paied for via a ridiculus system where iy costs money, but you apply to the goverment and they pay the school thing?

I admit I never went to college, but I thought that was how it worked. (Unless you're an american or live in a u-country of course. And as far as public services go, I'm not sure there's any difference between those two.)
10/13/2021 c7 Dark-Prince-of-Clowns
I love how you make Hermione do something emotionally charged and STUPID. It's PERFECT! _

I have, to this day, not met a SINGLE person who actually do the -smart- thing in an emotional situation.

And yet most fanfic writers make their characters do the smart thing all the time, which makes their characters illogical and inhuman.

YOU, on the other hand, make your characters REALISTIC. Which makes for a MUCH better story! _

On another note... I really hope the spoiled princess bitch DO end up in Juvie. (Do Britain even have Juvie?)

The british justice system isn't AS corrupt as the american one, but nowhere is safe from bribes. However, as the jury will always be avrage people -most of them middle-class, a number who's been on the reciving end of the bitch girl's equalent- they will almost certantly be biased AGAINST her.

And no jury anywhere is honestly just. That's the biggest flaw with picking random humans, not trained for the job. They're biased, biggoted, and will focus more on first impressions than on any real evidence.

(Which is why scam artists tend to avoid jail, while 2 metre tall, beared biker-looking nice guys who had about a 100 people votching for them being halfway across the country from the crime WHEN it happened...goes to jail. On zero evidence and the rumor-mill. Plus that he was friends with criminals. Which is no evidence.)

Looking forward to see how this goes. _
10/13/2021 c4 Dark-Prince-of-Clowns
I love to see Hermione explore and grow -I especially love that you include faulilure and setbacks, as it avoid the usual Mary Sue issiues, and stops it from being boring.

However, at Chapter 4 now, the smooth running of things ARE beginning to strech on a bit. Not QUITE as bad as when the idiot in Family Guy streches an idiot action for far too long...YET... but I hope the next chapter have something that speeds up time in it.

Again, I really love the in-depth things, personally, but it can quickly make your story too slow moving. Which is boring.

(And that is why I have notes at the end of my stories that are long as a bad year -all the important info that I WANT to add... but without slowing the story down by actually adding it. Or, in some cases, it makes no sense to add it.)

You COULD try and make an Omake-like scene at the end of each chapter, that had such things as Hermione's runic spell mishap in it. Just to show she is learning still, even if you focus on moving the story forward in the story itself, over her studies.

(I worry how I'm gonna deal with that exact problem in my Harold the Magnificent, as I plan to make Hermione a follower of Tzench -the Dark Chaos god of Knowledge, Magic and Power. Harry follows the Dark Prince of Pleasure. Lol)

Anyway... I love this story!

Hermione is so powerful, but REALISTICALLY Powerful.

She did not get power magically from nowhere -like so many writers do-, but aquired them through hard work and repeated practise.

And I am SO looking forward to see Hermione discovering wizarding law -which still allows torture (dementors) and prison conditions reminecent of the medival age (no shower, too little food as obvious by how skinny prisoners are, ALL human rights denied, and so on), oh! And let's not forget that a number of Death Eaters (like Bella) SHOULD be in a mental hospital. Something they seem to lack.

In fact; I bet MUGGLES would have been able to cure Neville's parents! But Wizards don't even TRY to cure them -they stove them away as if they're ashamed of them. It's Bedlam all over again, except St. Mungos is a fancy version of it.

(Seriously... they CLEARLY retreated into a fantasy world because they couldn't deal with the shitty reality. Maybe they have permanent nerve damage -which means they need to be careful to not hurt themselves as they wouldn't notice-, but mentally all they need is a good theraphist. Someone who can either shock or coax them out of their shell.)

Anyway... My point is; When Hermione discovers the blatant disregard for human rights (and creature rights even more so), as well as a system based in nepotism and a blood purity propaganda reminecent of Nazi germany that almost certantly has been made laws... well...

She'll either become a politician or a Dark Lady. Personally I hope for the latter. Wizarding England NEED a good wakeup call! They're even behind the rest of the wizarding world -america during Grindewald was more modern!

Oh, and I keep my fingers crossed for a Harmione pairing. _
7/21/2021 c15 karmalenarodriguez
please continue!
7/21/2021 c16 karmalenarodriguez
Please continue!1
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