Just In
Community
Forum
V
More
for Revolt:

8/16/2010 c26 28Son of Whitebeard
See Luffy's struggle in the past!
8/12/2010 c25 Tsar001
your oc is kewl, but won't be on rari's crew
8/11/2010 c25 6ichiro92
Hmmm, a few minor grammar mistakes that can be easily fixed, but I'm a bit confused as to the powers Basil Hawkins employs. Maybe if you got a bit more into detail about it, it won't be as confusing.

Wondering why Doflamingo's back, but I'm guessing we'll find out later...
8/11/2010 c25 28Son of Whitebeard
See The Aquarius War begin
7/24/2010 c24 Tsar001
What's with Blackbeard and his crew? THey're way way WAY OOC from the series.

But your writing has improved, I think you're just mixing up the talking synonyms.
7/20/2010 c24 6ichiro92
Hmmm, interesting story arc you're setting up here, I hope you can keep it going, but I'd suggest you go in-depth into this like real OP story arcs for the ultimate enjoyment.

Otherwise, vary your sentences up and correct the grammar a bit, and perhaps slow the pace down a bit, since it seems to beb going a little bit quickly.
7/20/2010 c24 28Son of Whitebeard
The Aquarius War looms...

"Feel free to post your questions about Revolt in your comment that I will answer in an SBS section like Oda Does!"
7/15/2010 c1 3Jacob Matthew
I read the first chapter so here's some advice. First, I think you are rushing through events too quickly. Second, Some characters are ooc, like when Ivankov swore. I don't imagine her/him saying that. Though that being said, I think this could be a really good story.
7/14/2010 c3 5Kakusei
Nicely done so far. I can`t wait to read more.
7/13/2010 c5 41Razamataz22
alright, you asked me for my opinion and i am always someone who obliges. i feel like things are quite rushed at this point, things keep happening every split second and as such I am not feeling much for the characters. As it is rushed, I am struggling to follow the storyline, I believe you are trying to shove too much into too little space, if that makes sense. I would suggest longer chapters which build on depth and not stay solely focused on plot, there needs to be a balance.

I hope I have been of some help.

Razamataz
7/10/2010 c23 Tsar001
WOAH DUDE, THIS CHAPTER SHOWS SOME MAJOR IMPROVEMENTS IN YOUR WRITING!

There were a few grammar mistakes, o'course, but everyone makes 'em, so it's no big deal. But MAN, this is WAAAY better.

Anywayz, I also spotted some OOC from Shnaks, whom isn't a coward you bastard! HE'S MY FAVORITE CHARACTER! RAAAAAAAR!

Anywhoo, I'll be posting my One Piece fic up some time soon and I hope you'll review it.
7/9/2010 c23 6ichiro92
So Doflamingo's dead, eh? I guess Basil's more of a BA than people gave him credit for...

Just so ya know, Blackbeard cut Shanks's left eye, not his right, hence his scars.
7/2/2010 c22 ichiro92
Luffy shaved his head? How strange...and you sure did make the Mermaid Princess look like a complete jerk, didn't you?

Anyways, the way you tell your story is getting better and more understandable, so keep it up.
7/1/2010 c22 Tsar001
Now you're using the talking form correctly, but you use 'said' alot. Try substituting different words to give us an example of how the people are talking
7/1/2010 c22 28Son of Whitebeard
Enjoy Reading!
132 « Prev Page 1 2 3 4 5 .. Last Next »

Twitter . Help . Sign Up . Cookies . Privacy . Terms of Service