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4/6/2010 c11 6ichiro92
Interesting backstory of Shiryuu and Marco; hope you expand upon it more in later chapters!
4/6/2010 c4 2Mazer7
Very interesting with so much happening at once. Again, your paragraphs aren't spaced right. I would also suggesting adding in a line or two (possible more spacing) for the transitions between places. I believe you can do that when you tweak the story through your account. Can't remember how to do though.

Anyways, great story. Can't wait to see what's next.
4/6/2010 c3 Mazer7
Love this. Still have some issues with keeping paragraphs interconnected (if related to the character or scene, do not skip a line; this is what I am referring to). Again, too much description so try tightening a few areas. Other than that, this was great.
4/6/2010 c11 28Son of Whitebeard
Check out my latest chapter of Revolt...

and try guess who Dragon is talking about, when he mentions powerful pirates who come to see Gold Roger's death?

Also when reviewing this chapter as its the second to last chapter of this arc, what was your favourite moment of this arc?

Also suggest stuff for future chapters. If your lucky your idea might get chosen?
4/6/2010 c3 3Herr Eisenheim
Nice Plot!

Sorry for not reading & reviewing when you sent me the PM earlier, that was just me being lazy!

About the story, I feel that till now it's going a bit too fast!

And PX-1 was created during the current storyline, so what is he doing 10 or so years back?If I remember correctly, they say that Pacifista was a new kind of weapon. If it was created so early, why was its appearance such a shock during Marinford war?

And that flowery woman seems like Mary Sue. How could she beat Kizaru just like that? And even though Dragon is strong, he can't possibly beat Garp just like that! Even of he did beat him, it will be a hell of a fight! It felt like a joke!

Signing off for now, will come back after reading more chapters!
4/1/2010 c10 1Sir Thames
Interesting turn of events. Carry on.
3/30/2010 c10 4eternitybeckons
Wow, great chapter ^-^

please update soon, I'm looking forward to see what happens next.
3/29/2010 c10 5Leo-Novum
The last part about the Moby Dick was really touching! Brook and Kureha? makes sense though.
3/29/2010 c10 6ichiro92
Okay let's start with the positives.

First off, I love your story. It's original, unique, and provides really good backstories to all of the characters we see currently in the One Piece story. I especially like the background on Whitebeard, as information about that mysterious Yonko is always interesting and entertaining. =D

Now onto the not so positive. As I mentioned in an earlier review, I truly TRULY believe that this story would be enhanced to the nth degree if you just slowed down and explained more.

Currently, I feel like things are going too fast-paced without enough explanation (i.e. Marco joining Whitebeard immeidately was a little hard to believe), and as a whole, I believe that detracts from the greatness and scale of the story.

Perhaps if you made your chapters a little longer, not have each sentence be one line, improve your grammar a bit, and slow down the pacing without blatant exposition, I truly think that this story would be up there with one of the greats.

Of course, this is all just my opnion, and you can take it as you see fit.
3/29/2010 c8 17greenwood-esther
Ooh, nice chapter :) Update soon
3/29/2010 c10 28Son of Whitebeard
Check out this exciting new chapter of Revolt's Whitebeard Arc:

filled with suprise characters!
3/19/2010 c9 5Leo-Novum
Starts nicely, continues in quite a good manner but leaves a few confusing parts such as Hancock. But then again, it is quite good! Keep up the good work Whitebeard-san!
3/18/2010 c1 21youkomazuki
Wow, this is excellent! I like it very much~!
3/18/2010 c3 6ichiro92
I have to say, this is pretty intriguing...it has piqued my interest. It's interesting to see all of these big names before they became who they were like X. Drake and so on. It's a solid idea and I can't wait to read more.

I do, however, have a small recommendation that you can take or leave. I feel this story would be vastly improved if you cleaned up on the small things. Change up the writing style a bit, instead of every sentence starting with "*insert name* said." I also feel that if you got a bit more into detail with everything, the story would be amplified to a better degree. Other than that, there are just small grammar mistakes like ending sentences with commas, but I don't mind those so much.

Once again, those are just suggestions that you can do what you like with. Otherwise, it's a great story!
3/18/2010 c9 4eternitybeckons
Very nice; I like the fact that your doing a mini-ark. I can't wait to see how things turn out! ^-^
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