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7/27/2014 c8 19Little Doctor
Great fic.
6/23/2011 c8 25Sarcasm Dragon
This is a very well written story so far. You've done a good job blending exposition and action. The influence from Salvatore is very evident in your writing, your action sequences are very detailed and descriptive.

I hope you'll return to the story and continue it!
4/27/2010 c5 Sydonai
You made a small mistake, a Scourge of Fangs can only have five heads at most. If one with nine heads existed Matron Baenre certainly wouldn't allow one of her children to have it.
4/23/2010 c8 6Kansas Scout
Really interesting story. loved it
4/23/2010 c8 2CoreLeone
Without making an abundance of excuses regarding the story discrepancies on my part, I will say only that I don't remember every detail of Zaknafein's or Jarlaxle's respective histories. That said, I am forced to agree that I do have somewhat of a mess on my hands here, which needs sorting out somehow. Considering it's only a fanfiction, however, and not something I intend to publish, I could just tell you to consider it an Alternate Universe type story and go from there. Anyone who is adamant about the characters being 100% correct in their portrayal will simply have to look elsewhere at this time, as I am not inclined to go back and redo this whole story. Truthfully, I was considering not even continuing it, until I just now stopped in to see if anyone else was actually reading it. Thanks for taking the time, Thundarr. I'll see to it that it does indeed continue on to the end. I stated at the beginning that this wasn't going to be an easy project, and now that it's developed beyond the first couple chapters, I can see I was right. Some of the mistakes can be attributed to laziness, perhaps, while others are simply a case of a faulty memory. We are all amateur writers around here, but I do like to tell a good story whenever possible...
4/14/2010 c8 26Thundarr The Barbarian
I just got finished reading your story, and I've gotta say "So far, so good". I hope you continue on with this story, because I'm very curious to see how it turns out.

I especially like what you've done with Yoda and his padawan. I've always wanted to read a story about Yoda when he was in his prime and didn't have to hobble around with a walking stick.

And I like the interaction between Zaknafein and Jarlaxle. You took Jarlaxle's claim that he and Zak were friends and you ran with it.

There are a few things I think I should mention though. One: I may be mistaken, but I got the impression from Salvatore's writing that Jarlaxle was raised in secret, and only Matron Baenre knew he was her son. It wasn't even until much, much later in the series that it was even revealed that he was a Baenre. Even if he had officially attended Melee Magthere as a member of House Baenre, I doubt he would have acquired his unique magical boots and cape, or any of the other items that we all recognize, know, and love. And Two: I know I'm NOT mistaken about this, Zaknafein Do'Urden did NOT attend Malee Magthere under that surname. He only acquired the name Do'Urden years later when he became House Patron. And the only reason he was allowed to keep the name after he was replaced in that position was that he had achieved the status of House Weaponsmaster. For a story about a young Zaknafein Do'Urden back during his days at The Academy, he should've been given a commoner's surname then mention that he represents House Do'Urden. And finally: If Zak were ever that openly blasphemous as a youth, he would've been sacrificed to Lolth long ago. Writing about his disgust at his fellow drow attacking the elves of The Moonwood is one thing. Having him openly oppose them like that is another. I just hope you have a plan on getting him out of this mess, because otherwise you've majorly screwed up the continuity of the whole storyverse (maybe have Malice's mother die just after this surface raid, before she can exact punishment on Zak).

Oh, and one last thing. Drow stories about the surface elves are more scewed than you let on. They claim that the faeries murdered, raped, and tortured the drow. They say that the drow begged for peace, but their pleas fell on deaf ears. Then they were finally driven into the Underdark, where they were saved by the holy grace of Lolth. If this were Zak's first surface raid, then that would be his impression of the Faerie, not that their only atrocities were defending themselves against drow. Sorry to harp on your story like that, I'm just such a huge fan of Salvatore's books that little things like that stick out to me like big neon signs.
3/21/2010 c7 5Warhawk Talon
And now a wizard and Jedi Master will be astounded by each other's prowess.
3/18/2010 c4 2CoreLeone
OK, I've gone back and edited the couple chapters where I had some description inconsistencies. I hate mistakes! But I am only human. Hope someone's actually reading this, but if not, it's all good. I'll just continue the story regardless.
3/12/2010 c6 CoreLeone
I've noticed a couple discrepancies in this story that need fixing. I'll have to get on that in the next chapter. For now, I'm wondering how this story is being perceived by any and all who happen to be reading...
2/25/2010 c2 CoreLeone
This idea came to me about a couple months ago or so, and I've been contemplating how I should go about composing such a story ever since. It's not going to be easy, that's for certain. Know that I have read much in the way of Star Wars and Forgotten Realms, though, enough to hold my own at least.

Thanks for reading and reviewing so far. I'll keep plugging away at this thing, as time and inspiration permits. As far as the lightsabers go, we'll just have to see about those, considering the lightsaber duels have always been my favorite aspect of the Star Wars movies. :)
2/24/2010 c1 5exillion
well, I'm sold. Though I do hope you get rid of the light sabers. Or at least partly keep them away.

It would only be all to easy to win.
2/24/2010 c1 mwjen
Interesting premise, looking forward to reading more. Thanks for posting.

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