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5/17/2010 c3 5mmoondragon
Wonderful. Usually I am not one for Vampire stories, I cant get over the fact that they are corpses, but your story is wonderful in it's scope. I can't wait to see what a vampire Usagi is like.
4/26/2010 c3 alichi
3 chapters in 3 days and then nothing for 2 months. Things like this just makes me want to cry.

Love this fic so far, really hope you haven't abandoned this story, I really want to know what adventures are going to be had by Ranma and Kasumi, especially since it's labeled as a Hellsing crossover and has mentions of Sailor Moon in it. Not to forget that you have gotten rid of the dumb dysfunctional Ranma.

So much potential!

Really hope to see more of this wonderfull story in the future.
3/16/2010 c3 4Kyryst
I am sorry this review was delayed. I really like the changes that were made, and the increased backstory. It feels like there is flow to the story now. However, this may only be my opinion, but even kodachi's coma seems to lack something, maybe it could be called depth? In the miyu series each episode seems to focus on the separation of Humanity from the shinma as if something has been lost. The ending of many miyu scenes show melancholy, remorse or tragedy. Maybe kodachi could say something that shows the irony and loss or her situation like, "i wish we could spend forever together like this..." Ranma looked down at her and his eyes had a hidden meaning as he replied, " Just you and I here forever, with each other." a kind of hint of loss. Something negative needs to be illustrated, maybe a negative side or reaction to immortality, a cautioning tale, or even the removal of a 'good' shinma as part of the duties of a guardian. Happiness is great, but how a character reacts to adversity or the burdens of duty helps the reader connect to a character. I am not sure this makes sense or not, but the greater the connection to a character, be it positive or negative, is what can create a 'hook' for interest to build on.

Sincerely though, I have enjoyed what you have written so far, and I hope to see more.
3/2/2010 c3 8fallacies
Though I may continue reading this story, I have to say that I share many of Konsaki's sentiments.

The primary issue, for me, is that it's all too easy. Any problems or troubles that your protagonists might have encountered canonically have been largely done away with in about three chapters, and for any future endeavors they embark upon, they've managed already to secure the endorsement and support of Miyu, the Emperor of Japan, and the Elder Shima. There doesn't seem to be a decent source of dramatic tension in the foreseeable future of the plot, short of maybe Alucard giving them trouble. Where exactly is the conflict that drives your protagonists going to come from?

And, presuming that Ranma and Kasumi just breeze through it like they have everything else so far, why should I continue reading? However strong Alucard's fighting abilities are in the Hellsing manga, he at least had some personal struggles and inner demons to deal with before he could resolve the story of the manga. Your characters, as far as I can tell, have none, and thus far there is no visible external source of antagonism. This is uninteresting.

People read fanfiction because of resonance with the original canon. Eliminating, ignoring, or haphazardly resolving the canon results in a situation where the story can no longer be justified as fanfiction - regardless of how good or bad the story is. Giving characters hidden personalities and histories that supplant their background in canon is a good way of destroying it, as is giving them abilities that allow them to bulldoze their way through interactions with other people. Note that I'm not suggesting that adhering with a canon necessarily creates a good story; it's just that not adhering diminishes the chances that serious fanfiction readership will bother with it.

I apologize if this review reads like a flame or seems overly hostile, but I feel it's a shame that a story with a possibly decent crossover premise and good writing mechanics runs itself into the ground with lack of conflict and uninteresting characters.
3/1/2010 c2 8Konsaki
The premise for your story is interesting and you produce a good length chapter. Along with those, your spelling is good and grammar acceptable. Unfortunately, that's about the end of short list of positive traits I can state about this story.

Your characters are so far out of normal that they might as well be original characters created by you with a few stereotypes thrown on them to make them minimally conform to the fannon of those characters.

Akane - Completely overblown anger and rage based purely on fannon concepts

Ranma - Ranma might not be an idiot but you place him in college right at the start of the story and go completely reverse from fannon when Ranma is really somewhere in the middle.

Kasumi - She's not really Kasumi, sorry. You just placed her name on an original character.

I could go on, but I'd rather not.

The 'romance' is laid on so thick that almost everyone should be asking, 'what magic/potion got used on them?' and should be trying to fix it. The only reason I see them not doing it in your story is the rice paper thin 'backstory'.

Personally, I feel bad for having to write such a critical review as I was really hoping for an interesting take on a Vampire cast member, whether it be Ranma or some other main character. As it is right now, though, I read around halfway through chapter two and then had to 'put the book down' due to the over the top spin on the fannon present.

I wish you luck in your endeavors, Shannon Dee, but I won't be following this story unless it receives a major overhaul.
2/28/2010 c3 JustinD
Questions

-What sort of vampire was Alucard before being captured by Hellsing family? Was he a rouge Shinma Guardian, a Dark Shinma, or is he a not Shinma but a lesser vampire.

-Will Seras still be bitten by Alucard? Because it sounds likes she is already a Shinma Vampire. does this mean that when Alucard bites her, she only partially awakend and may fully awaken later or when Ranma becomes involved?

-Don't Shinma Vampires have the ability to make ghouls and fledgling vampires?

-Is Ranma's ability to change forms at will because of Genma being a shape shifter and if so will she get any more shape shifting abilities from him?

Negative

-Akane's personality flips to quick. I almost think they must of used the Jedi mind control on her when they told her they are vampires?

-Not enough reaction to the revelation that Genma killed the Tendo's mother. Sure they may have accepted her death by now but I doubt they'd just accept she was murder without a bigger reaction. Even if it's just having Kasumi referring to him as 'the bastard' instead of Genma after he is banished.

Positives

-Prologue seems to help explain the first chapter without giving away much.

-It's a fun story
2/28/2010 c3 8Dumbledork
I really love this story. You got two names wrong, though. It's 'Nodoka' and 'Kodachi'
2/28/2010 c3 40deathgeonous
Hmm, nice update, or is that Updates? I reread the whole thing because of that. Huh, anyways, this is getting really fun and I am now so looking forward to more, and I'm epically looking forward to seeing Ranma and Kasumi giving Alucard a ton of trouble and a lot of repeated severe migraines! Oh, and is Seres supposed to be a Shima Vampire as well? That would be neat, and maybe you'll need to send Ranma and Kasumi to 'Rescue' Seres from Hellsing? Ha! Lots of potential for fun there, well, if I'm right about that that is. Well anyways, thanks for writing this, bye for now.
2/26/2010 c1 JustinD
I enjoyed the story and would love to read more of it. However it seems a bit forced when you made Ranma a secretive smart girl, but is still good and not worth fixing if it would ruin the future plot. Besides I don't mind a bit of OOC.
2/26/2010 c1 38Kithrin
interesting.
2/26/2010 c1 irgendwas
Its true that the story feels a bit rushed, I still enjoyed it a lot though.

The only thing which really bothered me were the scenes where everyone suddenly starts laughing at at something which most people would only smirk at.

Ie the towel scene, it really desturbed the flow of the story for me, serious-goofy-serious in a matter of seconds just doesn't work (imho).
2/26/2010 c1 5Nysk
interesting start. Not too much of a fan of Ranma as a girl but you so far have managed to keep my interest.

On the down side, you have a lot of spelling errors and such through the story.

On the up side, I await the next chapter and hope it will continue to be a pleasant read.
2/26/2010 c1 8Dumbledork
I like it so far. Ranma/Kasumi is my favorite pairing. Can't wait to see what you've planned for the story.
2/26/2010 c1 2Kariston Draconis
Hm... This promises to be interesting. I've stated before that I'm not a big fan of Ranma As A Girl type stories, but I think I can make an exception for this.
2/26/2010 c1 1wert1990
seems interesting.

please post the rest
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