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7/25/2010 c4 11IWLTxo
No offence but this whole story doesnt make sense, it doesnt really explain what jude did and when Callum and Jude confront each other it was a really rubbish was of explaining it.

This story is fucking shit. Just give up.

Your not doing Noughts and Crosses any justice.
5/25/2010 c4 44aasdfghjkl
SillyxxxDance , friendly advice, change the end or die. That was HORRIBLE! Put in some more drama and a happy ending pleaase. But I liked the first chapter...
3/24/2010 c4 The Magical Dinosaur
awesome!
3/23/2010 c1 2charneybex
Awesome! Love the ending with Sephy in the hospital!
3/23/2010 c4 225SheWroteTheWords
That was amazingly short :\
3/11/2010 c2 maaadsie
lol, i would have put the 'how do i spell it? Plz tell me) as a little note at the end, rather than mid-sentence- it kinda ruined it a bit :(

it was short, but what there was i enjoyed! it was really dramatic and sharp. Looking forward to a (long) chapter three lol! Little miss tiny x
3/9/2010 c2 Sassy1515
cool Kp
3/8/2010 c2 SheWroteTheWords
Yes, it was epically short and I would say 'it's way to short' but since you put an author's note in saying that you know it's short I won't bother... chapter three better be long xD!

Just so you know, I just did a total ninja mood of putting my laptop on the floor, swinging around and pulling N&C out of my bookcase to tell you the Shopping Centre is spelt 'Dundale', I thought it was that, but I thought I better get the book and check.

There's a slight tense error in 'I was putting away the washing when I hear' it should be 'when I heard' but that could be a typo.

I'm not sure what you've got planned but you need to mention how old Callie is at this point, also that fact that Callum is alive is a bit strange... Are you writing it like AU (alternative universe), if so I suggest putting that in the summary, so people don't get too confused.

I also think you need more description, like Callum's thoughts lengthened or something.
3/8/2010 c2 The Magical Dinosaur
Dundale :) I think...

Love the story!
3/8/2010 c1 anonymous gone mouse
wicked
3/8/2010 c1 Sassy1515
This is a very imaginative piece.

Pls write more!

However did u mean get, or git?

thank u :)
3/7/2010 c1 Carly Tenibad
Just to say... setting the scene defo helps it :P1
3/6/2010 c1 SheWroteTheWords
I'm going to start critical and end nice, ok, so bare with me because I've been called pedantic before :P.

It's spelt 'Kamal' not 'Kahmal' and Kamal wouldn't be with Jasmine, Sephy and Callie Rose because by KnifeEdge/Checkmate he was remarried to Grace, and wouldn't have anything to do with Sephy/Callie.

Also it shouldn't be 'revenged' it should be 'avenged' he was getting revenge and therefore avenging.

There a type or two as well, and hopefully when you write more the chapters'll be long?

Apart from that, it's good so far, I like the way you've gone straight into action, and left everything completely unexplained. Can wait for that to BE explained.

Update soon?
3/6/2010 c1 maaadsie
*kills SillyxDance*

lol, just kidding :D

this was really short, but then prologues usually are.

but it was a well written prologue, really dramatic and it sounds just like Jude.

little miss tiny x
3/4/2010 c1 The Magical Dinosaur
V. cool :)

He he he all the GROSS people r dead!

Thnx for the special thanx thing :)

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