4/28/2013 c1 Zer0
Very good with the feeling of the characters, next time, make it longer :D
Very good with the feeling of the characters, next time, make it longer :D
2/11/2012 c1 4Aronim
Good little read.
Two things:
One: you should probably write that Tali had to take a few moments, not minutes, before she could rejoin the fight. Otherwise she would have been out of the fight for a ridiculously long time, probably the rest of the fight.
Two: writing "Tali briskly power-walked" seems really out of place. Just writing "walked briskly" should suffice and doesn't seem so jarring.
Good little read.
Two things:
One: you should probably write that Tali had to take a few moments, not minutes, before she could rejoin the fight. Otherwise she would have been out of the fight for a ridiculously long time, probably the rest of the fight.
Two: writing "Tali briskly power-walked" seems really out of place. Just writing "walked briskly" should suffice and doesn't seem so jarring.
5/12/2010 c1 PashN
It was an interesting one-shot. I liked the conversation between Tali and Legion at the end - short, but sweet and cute, none the less. :)
It was an interesting one-shot. I liked the conversation between Tali and Legion at the end - short, but sweet and cute, none the less. :)
4/21/2010 c1 13JovianJeff
I.Love.This! It really was cute and humorous in other times, 23.512 percent chance was hilarious, most of all the way these two were talking to each other was wonderful to read. I realize this is a one-shot, but if you have more in you to do more, please do so. I'd -love- to read more of this (PS, the a/n was also very funny).
I.Love.This! It really was cute and humorous in other times, 23.512 percent chance was hilarious, most of all the way these two were talking to each other was wonderful to read. I realize this is a one-shot, but if you have more in you to do more, please do so. I'd -love- to read more of this (PS, the a/n was also very funny).
3/4/2010 c1 20minorshan
Very good characterization with the dialog! Wouldn't mind seeing another chapter, but it looks like you're finished. :)
Very good characterization with the dialog! Wouldn't mind seeing another chapter, but it looks like you're finished. :)
3/4/2010 c1 21Jelfia Maleak
i liked that. good job.
one though though about half way down: 'it removed herself from her space' needs to be fixed. the herself needs to be replaced with itself. thanks.
although 'Legion removed itself from her space' would flow better. :)
i liked that. good job.
one though though about half way down: 'it removed herself from her space' needs to be fixed. the herself needs to be replaced with itself. thanks.
although 'Legion removed itself from her space' would flow better. :)
3/4/2010 c1 Escablade
Awesome start, there arent enough tali/legion fanfictions but for some reason there always great.
So keep up the good work! and thank you
Awesome start, there arent enough tali/legion fanfictions but for some reason there always great.
So keep up the good work! and thank you