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5/14/2016 c11 6bluesharky
oh boy, can't wait for more. Though I would prefer less swearing. You did really good with this chapter, I look forward to finding out what happens between all the characters.
1/22/2011 c11 ben garrison69
Even better than the first!Please continue this story soon, I can't wait for a update.
1/12/2011 c4 6Ehanu Rehu
Oh, just so you know, I don't have drawing skills, (i'm also on deviantart) but I know some artists on deviantart that could score big time for both you and them.
1/12/2011 c11 Ehanu Rehu
This is so FFA (Freakin Flippin Awesome). I give this a perfect 10 out of 10. I highly suggest that Ridley leads an attack on the lab, trying to get Xera. But the three hunters, along with Xera, escape with Xera in Samus' ship.
10/9/2010 c11 Wraith Five
wow...things just got REALLY interesting...

keep up the good work!
10/9/2010 c11 Weeeooojr
Xera doesn't look like her father though...right? :P
9/8/2010 c10 3LotusMeSenpai
*insertDummyWooiconhere* WOOOOOO!
9/8/2010 c10 Wraith Five
heh, you dont need to wonder about me...theres no way ur gonna get me to leave ths story alone until u finish it... ;) lol
8/8/2010 c9 Weeeooojr
Cool story! Chapter 8 was referencing to Holes right? =P
6/19/2010 c8 Wraith Five
like this part. i mean, this is a great story so far! liked the ending to this chapter especially. oh, btw. my user name was taken from a nickname i got in school. guess why. :P
5/12/2010 c8 42DrkVrtx
First off: stop trying to force people to review your story by threatening not to update; if anything, this attitude will deter people from both reading/reviewing. Secondly, you aren't giving the readers much to review; most of your chapters are pretty much between one and two paragraphs in length, which results in the fact that I was able to read from ch1-8 in under 15 minutes. The Metroid board does not have reviews flowing thick and fast, believe me, and stating "if you don't review, I don't update" doesn't help; you'll have to patient here, and more often than not, you'll eventually be rewarded with detailed feedback, so long as your story stands up for itself.

There are two things I'd like to point out: structure and narrative. As I mentioned before, the chapter lengths are very short, and I must ask whether you intentionally separate each line to make them seem longer. Most of your sentences begin on a new line, when they should be part of a paragraph; when reading something that's broken up in this way, it has no flow, if you will. It feels short, uncomfortably sharp, and skips like a scratched CD.

Concerning narrative, I feel that the storytelling is rushed. Take CH2, for example: what the reader can assume is the last of the Ing escaping the destruction of Dark Aether. Depicting the Ing with the capacity of conscious thought is indeed an interesting idea; however, everything happens too fast for the reader to begin to grasp the concept. Also, the idea of an Ing fleeing to Aether - and surviving - is intriguing; I would have said the idea wasn't plausible if you hadn't made efforts to show Xera's adaptations, but I feel that in some parts it isn't believable enough. An Ing with a makeshift house seems more comical to me than realistic, and there is also the matter of survivability: Dark Aether's atmosphere could kill an armoursuit-protected Samus in seconds, how then could a naked (for want of a better word) Ing survive for hours at a time in Light Aether? I'm not saying you're not allowed to put this in your story, but it would have helped to explain just how Xera comes to acclimatize.
5/2/2010 c8 1bdun
lol
4/28/2010 c7 1Ninja Cloterate
Come On! I have been waiting forever! You story is great I never thought to write one like this. so Continue! Please write soon
4/24/2010 c7 Ninja Clostainian
I never thought of writing a story about the Ing. I always focused on Samus. Please continue! I have read the previous and it was great! (but try to make this one longer :) Nice personality for Xera by the way. Again Continue!
4/24/2010 c7 DArK DuDEy
I love this story but I don't actually have an account PLEASE CONTINUE!
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