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for A Prince's Duty

12/4/2010 c1 8Ryo-Wolf
Holy crap. This is your first fanfic? Surely not your first piece of writing, though? The quality is astounding.

I'm definitely going to be reading the rest of this story. If its anything like the first chapter, then I'm sure I won't be disappointed.
11/23/2010 c6 9CHPrime
Love it! I realize Herb would have been my favorite character if Takahashi had made Herb out as you are doing it now! genius! There seems to be an interesting relationship developing between Herb and Ranma. Herb see's ranma more and more as a parallel to him the more he learns about Ranma's life. Ranma, as usual, has been given incorrect information, and now thinks Herb is another hopeful bride. Ryoga, beeing the pig he is (the one thing i think Takahashi excelled in in the series was choosing curse's for induviduals that perfectly reflected the content of each recipient’s character) charging in to deliberately prevent Ranma from unlocking his curse. Very Ranma like, the plot. except there seems to be much more character development in a much shorter time span. this seem's to be one of the two fan fiction's with Herb actually doing something, so please keep this up! it is an amazing story and i would love to see more of it! once again, wonderful writing and story!
9/30/2010 c6 Andrew MacKenzie
This is just too funny, a great twist on a little used concept. I look forward to further journeys towards the 'goal'.
9/9/2010 c6 8Dumbledork
I absolutely loved the new chapter. Excellent work like always.
9/7/2010 c6 Violet Shadows
Much better, perhaps it's my greater interest in the story, but the tone seems to be evening out toward the dramatic and the tragic as opposed to the comedic. While the comedy of erorrs, really isn't for me, the violence toward the end was well depicted and my only complaint was insufficient coverage of the damage to Mint's arm.
9/7/2010 c5 Violet Shadows
I think this is the first chapter I didn't do a play by play review for the scenes, take that as a complement for your ability to interest me in the story itself as opposed to it's construction; that said, I'm going to have to assume there's some form of magic interfereing with Herb's mind to account for the empathy, because to simply play it off as her new, female form reaches a level of bigotry and sexism that is simply astounding in this day and age.
9/7/2010 c4 Violet Shadows
I've got to say, the second scene here has real potential if you want to twist it from what I assume to be a comedic tone to a heartfelt, dramatic and even tragic one. Combined with Akane's unfortunate actions later in the chapter and the easy way Herb's party is falling together, I think you have a lot of room to really make this shine if you manage to fix up the tone and maybe shift the narrative to a closer examination - as it is you're approaching this with a style that seems more appropriate for an action-adventure novel, when a sadder more introspective narrative style would probably bring out the humanity of the characters and their interactions.
9/7/2010 c3 Violet Shadows
As to the first scene, I have little to say; there were no obvious flaws and no obvious moments of genius, it was merely a well written vehicle for the advancement of the stories plot; the same can not be said of the second, for while it's awkwardly indearing to hear Lime's side of the story, it's his casual confusion in regards to Ryouga's strength where it shines, easily setting up a subplot that could explain not only his superhuman strength, but his problems with women and even his directional curse if you stretch it a bit.

Beyond that, this seems to be pretty normal if well written fare; not too much in terms of world building, basically just rehashed frames of the manga to bring those not familiar with Herb's arc up to speed and get to some of the more original content. Definitely necessary, but I can't say it's too inspiring. That being said, Herb's humor at her situation is an interesting departure from canon; an excellent place to end the chapter, even if it makes this particular series of scenes by itself feel largely bereft of content, I can honestly say I left feeling somewhat satisfied.
9/7/2010 c2 Violet Shadows
I know I've already mentioned this, but I can't reiterate it enough: you have got to get a louder tone - not just because, the lack of one makes the story weaker, but because it's quiet enough that I'm having a bit of difficulty determining exactly how I'm supposed to react to a passage. Take the first scene of this chapter where Mint and Lime and concerned for their prince, you tell me the story is supposed to be drama and humor, but should I view their honest concern in a humorous light, because Herb is just embarassed, or am I supposed to sympathize with their honest concern for a friend. Drama and humor can work well together, but you need to clearly convey what the reader is supposed to be doing during each particular scene.

As for the scene with Herb and his book, personally I was rather amused, in terms of humor it wasn't nearly the funniest thing I've ever read, nor did I actually laugh; however, I can say will all honesty that it was entertaining and for that if nothing else you should be proud as humor is without a doubt the hardest thing to write. As for the comedic potential of Herb's confusion as regards his secret all I can do is defer you to people who found the original Ranma 1/2 truly hilarious; personally my tastes tend to run toward sharp one liners and black humor so as to it's effects I can not comment.

Concerning Herb's interactions with the doctor, I have to complement the nuisances of Herb's culture that you managed to drop into the narrative, specifically how his culture views medical practitioners; most writers include far too much far too quick when it comes to world building, so to see such simple, yet effective writing is a pleasure.

That being said, while the scene with what I can only assume to be a fertility clinic was both interesting and seemed to emphasize the dedication Herb felt towards both producing an heir for his people as well as his imperial duty, there was not nearly enought elaboration to explain the situation. What's more, placing that particular scene in between Herb's visit with the doctor was both awkward and confusing; I can only recommend that you endevor to place it somewhere more appropriate - at the beginning of a chapter as a kind of introduction would work well, possibly with a header to explain the date in relation to the rest of the story as it appears to be some kind of flashback.

As to the closing scene, I liked it; it's got a gentle almost self-conscience feel to it that seems to fit well with the direction your trying to develope Herb's character: all in all, very fluffy. Of course, this hinge's on the fact that you're trying to develope Herb as a civil minded ruler who is forced to discover his own greater ignorance of the world and interpersonal interactions. It also carries strong feminine conotations, so if you're trying to work in the perception of Herb as a female character or some kind of transexual, then I can assert it works well in that sense as well.
9/7/2010 c6 3Hiryo
That was avery great chapter and I love how Ranma & Herb get together bit by bit and Herb gets more used to becoming a woman. ^^

Now more to the climax of Ryoga and Mousse as usual with their dump ideas. XD

I still wonder how Ryoga and Mousse got to their camping place without being lost.

Please update soon!
9/6/2010 c1 Violet Shadows
On a scale of 1-10, I give this a 6.5; while your narrative is rather well polished for your first piece, your diolouge smooth and your work blessedly free of grammer errors, your charcterization does ultimately seem a bit off. From what I remember of the Herb chapters of Ranma 1/2, very little is given in terms of his characterization; however, despite that excuse here he seems almost too normal to be believable given that he's lived much of his life in a the Chinese wilderness as the prince to a people not known for their interactions with women: personally, I'm suprised he even has knowledge of what feminine modesty is, to say nothing of him being familiar enough to practice it moments after he's been transformed and drugged. Besides that, the tone of this particular chapter came off as flat and non-existent; while it's true that it's not necessary to have a particularly strong one to produce a good work, the fact that your story lacks one at all, means it lacks distinction from all the other fics out there, and I find myself wondering why I should care.

All in all, you seem to have a lot of talent, but lack the polish of a more experienced author; while I doubt this will ever be considered one of the great and definitive works of fanfiction, I'm pretty certain that it'll be both an enjoyable read and a good foundation for your growth as a writer.
9/6/2010 c6 5CrypticMirror
I'm sorry this caused so many problems to write, but it was a joy to read. All I can say is "Holy Epic Misunderstandings Batman!".

You've got a good balance between angst, comedy and action and really capture the voices of the cast IYSWIM.

I await the next chapter with bated breath, and hope it comes easier to you.
7/24/2010 c5 Hat O' Doom
Ahh classic ranma situation. Misunderstandings that lead to even greater misunderstandings and craziness. Just thought I'd let you know your story is awsome. Keep up the good work!
5/3/2010 c5 Fleebwibbletwo2
Had to read it all in one setting, you sir, are a GOOD writer, I've laughed and been really interested at many points in this fic, and the way you explained the changes and the trains of thought was just impressive. A masterpiece, moar please!
5/3/2010 c5 8Dumbledork
Highly enjoyable like always. One of the most entertaining fics I've read lately.
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