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for The Path of Ascension

11/9/2014 c1 2k+Hawki
Well, mixed. Exclamation marks are used far too often IMO, but the content itself is nice.
3/14/2010 c1 2Turiski
I've never really cared for rhymed poetry, and there are some spots in your piece that I could cite as examples why. It's simply very difficult to make the whole thing flow naturally, and the problem only gets worse when you go on for as long as you did. Plus, it takes a real master to squeeze the voice into such a tight constraint. Ultimately this piece falls a bit short, which simply means you're not Shakespeare; I wouldn't let that bother you too much.

On the other hand, the thing that you did a -really- good job with is letting the ideas and themes come through. I think Unity was the most powerful in that regard, although Truth is also incredible. Also, you have almost nailed the voice of Biblical fomality, so if that was what you were going for, it was phenomenal.

Overall, this is very, very good. My only advice would be, again, drop the rhyme scheme. Instead, try and take up a very loose rhythm map, because I think your style could benefit from a little direction and inside the rhyme scheme you've used you showed that you could make good use of tempo.

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