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for Lady of the Fire

8/19/2020 c1 Singer Sira
I really enjoyed this story. I've been in the mood lately for Zuko reunites with Ursa fics. The only thing I would have liked to see different in this one would have been more time with Zuko and his mom together. But I really liked his interactions with the team. Keep up the good work.
3/31/2014 c1 NeverTooMuchInspiration
Very interesting story, I like that you put in a nice cube-shaped prison. Those always make for a good bit of horror and drama, perhaps more than other types of prisons. I do wish you had done a little more with the cube, it looked like it was gearing up to an interesting release scene or something, but pretty much all the guards disappeared after they rescued Ursa. Either way though, it was a nice read, so thank you for writing and posting it!
8/20/2013 c1 4v.ren55
Hmm a pretty good story/ one shot, but you could have elaborated more on Ursa's character.

Still, I enjoyed it and loved the nice reference to the Red Sea
7/11/2011 c1 The Emerald Doe
awesome fic! this deserves a lot more reviews though...

i really like your twist on ursa's banishment
8/1/2010 c1 18Idreamofivan
loved it! Awesome with capital A!
6/24/2010 c1 4TheLabyrinthKeepersSon
That was truly amazing :) I've wanted to see a story like this since the finale, so now I can skip off a happy clam!
5/30/2010 c1 2Ayamai
Ok, I'll be honest, I didn't finish reading your story. It starts out with a good hook and idea, but I was getting confused.

You switch perspectives in the middle of the scene. For instance, when Aang visited Ozai, it started out with the POV from Aang, but when you say "turning to face the demon who stole his bending powers" it's suddenly from Ozai's POV.

Even though you're writing from third person, Aang was still the filter which the reader views the world, and I don't think Aang would call himself a "demon that steals bending powers". If you had said something like "The ex-Fire Lord flinched, and looked at Aang like he was a demon who stole bending powers", it wouldn't have broke character.

The other thing that makes this confusing is your transitions between scenes. This would be very easy to fix, since all you really need is a double space between paragraphs, a line break, or even some of the squiggly symbols (~~~~). Just something to let the reader know "Ok, we are switching places."

Another thing that you can do, and this isn't necessarily bad, but it will add some variety to your writing style is you don't have to write what people say, and then say who did it. I've noticed you have a pattern of " dialog " said character. You can switch it up. For instance:

"Avatar Aang," said a general as he stepped before the troops, "we have been waiting for you. Please, follow us to the Fire Lord's quarters."

Could be:

A general stepped before the troops and greeted them. "Avatar Aang we have been waiting for you. Please, follow us to the Fire Lord's quarters."

Either way is technically correct, but switching it up gives the story greater variety. I particularly recommend letting a reader know who's speaking if it's a new person to the conversation. It lets the reader get an image in their mind ready, otherwise you have people like me, who are mentally flipping through characters as the read the dialog trying to figure out which person could've said that.

Like I said, good concept and good hook, but the transition and POV problems make it difficult to follow. I like stories that make me think, but when most of my though process is: "what, were are we again? Oh, it's a scene change.", it detracts from the story.
4/21/2010 c1 18ada69
After the series ended, I really wanted to know what happened to Zuko's mother so thank you SO much for writting this fic! I can actually see this happening in the series. Great story!
3/31/2010 c1 2LuluLullaby
sokka's hammer as you called it is a club. just to tell you realy liked the story. been looking for one like this for a while. Xzuko_loverX
3/21/2010 c1 Lucyz
I loved your story.It´s so sensible and sweet!I would like to read another Avatar stories from you.
3/17/2010 c1 4miniku
Wow! That was a very long one-shot but I liked it. *pst* I also liked the made up word sqishnation. I did notice a few spelling mistakes but overall you did an excellent job editing it. You are a great writer.

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