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for The Coaxing of the Shuckle

4/26/2011 c1 TheBluff
I can honestly say that this story intrigues me.

I would be honored to submit an OC to this, but seeing as there are several chapters already you might not need any more.

I just quickly checked your notes before the chapters up till chapter five, so I am unsure as to wether you still accept OCs or not.
9/12/2010 c5 7Stolloss
This was an interesting story. I have never seen any story open with a mother chastising her model son. That hooked my interest from the very first line.

Your spelling and grammar were up to par. There were a few sections that had a misplaced word, or a word that had been replaced by a homophone or another word close to it, but that occurred no more than three or four times per chapter, and it was not overly distracting.

Davion, while a good character at first, lost my attention by the end of chapter two. It hurts to say that, but I just don't care about him (this is not a common opinion, judging by reviews). I'm actually much more interested in Friday, honestly. I'm not sure why this is, but I think it is because Davion does not reveal his thoughts or emotions. He is a player, and he knows his stuff, but he comes across as simply apathetic towards all else, and that is contagious. I understand that this is part of his tough-guy model shell, but it hasn't significantly cracked, so there's not much else to see.

The plot is somewhat more interesting - I look forward to seeing what this whole tour is about, and the interplay of a few of the characters has really piqued my interest. I cannot give names off the top of my head - that seems to be my weakness in OC submit stories, I can never keep track of everyone's name - but I will be certain to look for them in the future so that I can make more specific comments. I wish you luck in continuing to write it.

I feel compelled to inform you that this story is misrated. Davion's one-night - or probably more accurately, one-hour stand, While not explicit and therefore not MA, heavily implied sex, so this story should be rated M. Interpretations of M may vary (and often widely do) but by any definition, you are at least toeing the line, so it may be safer to bump it up than to keep it T and risk a report.
8/22/2010 c5 5DoahShadow
This story is awesome! It's pretty cool and I love the current rangers. Heck, I'm going to submit the ranger I created for my pokemon story and maybe a student. I really don't like Davion much but he is kinda cool. I can't wait for the next update though! Keep up the good work!
4/26/2010 c1 3Tyltalis
Name: Lauren Silverfeather

Age: 17

Gender: female

Appearance: Chestnut brown hair, olive green eyes, 5'5 feet tall, pretty slim, black beret like hat with a silver poke ball pin on the side, white scarf, black coat, blue shirt with silver pokeball pattern on it, black pants with blue cuffs.

Family: Mother (no name mentioned, obsessed with Mew), Father (no name mentioned, obsessed with Celebi) 15 year old sister named Michayla Silverfeather (obsessed with Ho-Oh), and Eusine (cousin, hence legendary pokemon obsessions.)

personality: Speaks very formally and politely. Personality wise, she is a lone wolf and dislikes crowds and loud noises. She is normally pretty mature and knows how to handle herself in dire situations. However, she lacks confidence and motivation unless with her pokemon. Stubborn and adament about everything she believes in. She has a strong sense of justice, and will immediately decide to die for people she truly cares about. She catches on rather quickly and just can't stand dull, shallow people.

History: recieved all badges from hoenn, Sinnoh, Johto, and kanto and defeated all of the sinnoh and kanto frontier brains. She was also once a pokemon theif between the ages of 12 and 15 who was often hired by team rocket for merely money and wanting rare pokemon. She strongly regrets that choice and is quite sensitive about it.

From: Once from Lilycove City, now resides in Ecruteak City, Johto.

Pokemon Party:

Blaze (Blaziken, male) Lauren's first Pokemon and best friend. It is super-loyal to Lauren (and only Lauren, btw); so loyal that it does anything and everything for her, however painful it may be. Lauren, however, noticing his behavior, is currently training him to stop being so submissive towards her. Blaze is not a People Pokemon. He is more secluded than most.

Aqua (Empoleon, male) Aqua is very polite and has huge cleaning OCD. He serves as a butler for Lauren...despite being a penguin...yeah. Anyway, he has a very strong personality. He is very hard to break and appears emotionless.

Stratos (Altaria, female) Is very strong and often flies Lauren places with her gripping onto its feet. Stratos is very mellow and whenever she meets someone for the first time, she will embrace them into a warm hug with her cottony wings.

Shadow (Gengar, male) He is always very happy, even when something dangerous or scary is happening. Much like Morty's Gengar, Shadow loves sneaking up on people from behind and then messing with their faces. Loves pulling pranks and is very playful. Is always out of his Poke Ball. Wears a red bowtie below his mouth.

Storage Pokemon:

Clair (gardevoir , female) is obnoxiously sassy. Can use telepathy.

D (Ditto) Loves mimicking people. Uses is as a way to get attention, as it loves it when people pay attention to it.

Other: Lauren is obsessed with Lugia and wishes to someday catch it. She knows practically everything about it.

Davion: Lauren is annoyed by his cockiness and always tries to pick a fight with him because of it...
4/25/2010 c1 9Jeanne Reveur
Bear is frickin amazing. Literally, I'm reading this and going "...That MY OC? Seriously? Cause he's too awesome!"

And for that, I frickin love you. You not only nailed his personality, I'm seeing parts of him I never imagined, and am loving it.

I imagine that everybody who has an OC is thinking the same thing. You, sir...girl, whatever gender you are, are an amazing author, who everybody should worship. You take care of your stories, not just throw it hot off the press like most people, you really take the time to develop characters, and...you are just gifted. I'm jealous.

Anyways, I will now give you a virtual hug! Yay!

Update soon. Seriously. Like, now, if you can. Because waiting for the next update just might kill me.

Jeanne
4/23/2010 c5 11glitchesandwitches
I have to say, this is an amazing story. Seriously, this is probably one of the best stories on this sight. You go intro great detail when writing, and it really shows that you love every minute of writing this story.

I'll come up with a ranger for you. I think it would be fun! I'll try and do that today.

S.C
4/23/2010 c5 6xXKaminari-TsubasaXx
I love how Bear nicknames everybody -dude :D

This was a great chapter, again, and I'm excited to see all of the students get together in one room for dinner :)
4/23/2010 c5 Butterfly217
Heya, as you can see, I don't have the energy to log in.

You have no idea how happy i was when I saw that Gale was in this chapter. I almost screamed. And THEN I saw all she had said. I almost screamed again. You, my friend, have potrayed my beloved character PREFECTLY. Specially with the ice cream xD
4/23/2010 c5 3fiendies
I hope you're prepared for my customary shower of praise.

As per usual, this was amazing. Spelling and grammar were great and no typos I could see. I love seeing how all the characters interact, too. Everyone is so unique and watching them talk with each other is great. Also, I send you internet hugs, because you totally deserve them. And give one to your friend, Mouring Shade, for me, too, since they're editing such a great story.

Of course, I can't wait for an update!
4/23/2010 c5 3breadbutterpudding
lol Beau's stupidity came out more hilarious than I ever imagined XD *hugs* you deserve plenty for this story my friend~

And I like mangoes too!

Can't wait for more!
4/9/2010 c4 3fiendies
Great job, as per usual.

A few grammar mistakes here and there, but it's nothing that takes away from the chapter, just something to look out for.

You wouldn't believe how much I'm enjoying this story. Every chapter makes me smile and all the characters are amazing; Davion, Bear, Chanel Marie, Nikolai, and every one else! (Is it bad if I mention my own characters? It still is kind of heartwarming to see another author portray them so well.)

Naturally, I can't wait for an update!
4/8/2010 c4 29The Baja Blast
Sorry I didn't review the last chapter! Haven't been on a computer lately. Although I was very pleased to see not just one, but two chapters up. Yay! I one had Teddy and Nikolai on one chapter! Yay! You did them so well!

I love all the OCs they're so great! Davion, Hain and Friday, Bear...I love them all!

This story makes me smile every time I read. Hope to see an update soon!

Fayth
4/8/2010 c4 1Jack Krieg and James Crusade
I'm sorry for reviewing this late but I didn't have any internet, it was totally worth the wait though! I believe I said in my first review that this was one of the most original OC accepting stories I've seen, and you've proved my point. Not only with your own OC, but that you've relied heavily on other's OC's and really integrated them into the story. More often than not you see the story being told from the view of the OC "good guy", and the OC "supposed bad guy who has a heart in the end". So kudos to you for being different, I can't wait to read the fifth chapter!
4/8/2010 c4 6xXKaminari-TsubasaXx
Davion sleeps commando? somehow I'm not surprised...
4/5/2010 c1 3breadbutterpudding
Hope Beau can be accepted I don't know if I made him too much of a gary-stue or anything...

Name: Beau Wordsworth

Age: 20

Gender: Male

Appearance: With an average height and physique, he also has heavy-lidded brown eyes and long dark red hair. Beau is very well dressed and goes for a white blouse, black trousers and shoes, and a grey trench-coat.

Family: His parents are both doctors and wealthy and so Beau was spoiled since birth. Their names are Quincy Wordsworth and Anna Levi. They both are very friendly and intelligent folks who are literally obsessed (in a comical way) in finding Beau a girlfriend. His personality usually results to a lot of problems and since Beau is rather uncomfortable with his parents’ ways, he prefers to stay away from home so he doesn’t need to be forced into any blind dates set up by them.

Personality: Beau is generally unorganized; is late for everything and has a tendency to lose many things, but due to his ability to stay calm in nearly all situations and spot minor details and such managed to keep him alive. He is an acknowledgeable person and values result in training and battles above everything else and so can be rather heartless and aloof towards others.

Beau can be awfully forgetful and leave people and or his pokemon in very crazy situations when trying to focus on something else. Whether his ability to multi-task exists or not is a mystery. Beau however, is a quick thinker and is good at coming up with ideas and options. He believed observing is very useful for it would be most likely less mistakes would be made, and so can sometimes panic/anger his pokemon when he does not respond to them for some periods of time for he is ‘observing’ and ‘analyzing’ a matter.

Eating apparently helps soothe stress- which people find hard to see since he usually is very stone-faced.

Beau can also be very clumsy and seems to break things very easily- especially the coffee maker. Anything sharp, or can produce fire, or can cause any means of harm should be kept away from Beau for ANYTHING can happen whilst they rest in his hands.

There is a girl he liked very much, her name is Wendy Malphense. But his love in unrequited since she only loves him like a brother (ouch.) He doesn’t like talking about her to others- or her meeting his so called ‘friends’ He especially is trying his best for his parents not to find out for they would probably bother him even more and maybe even Wendy.

History: Nothing really interesting happens in Beau’s life, he was good at school, learned to play the piano… when he was 14; he was encouraged to join a voluntary programme where teenagers look-after handicapped children. Beau got 11-year-old deaf Wendy who got on very well with Beau. He learnt sign-language off her and she was taught how to play the piano (hitting the keys are apparently extremely fun to her).

From: Snowpoint City, Sinnoh

Pokemon: Empoleon (m), Ponyta (f), Mantyke (m)

Other: Wendy is a 17-year-old student who has a pet Turtwig, she has short black hair, blue eyes and wears a white and purple winter dress and black boots. She hopes to be an architecture.

Davion: “Blunt and tatty,” would be the first thing that comes to Beau’s mind lol
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