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4/22/2016 c17 Guest
LOVE IT!
4/22/2016 c15 Guest
NOOOOO! DARKSPOT CAN'T BE DEAD! PLEASE, ASLAN!
4/18/2016 c10 Guest
This story is great! I love Darkspot; she is so believable as a talking beast, which must be a really hard thing to get down. Reyin too. Spot on! Everyone is so in character! You know, Jewel, Tirian, etc. Gale is SO proud, conceited, and rash. I hope he learns his lesson and becomes a better person and king. I plan on doing a nice long review at the very end of the story. Right now I have to go to bed. Can't wait to finish it!
1/9/2013 c17 Silvertongue90
I finally got around to finishing your story and I have to say that I enjoyed it a lot. I loved the fifteenth chapter when Gale battled the dragon and was still his reckless self. I think it would have ruined the story if he had changed immediately before the battle, so good job on that. I also liked that Aslan showed up and had Gale confront his faults in front of everyone else.
Are you going to write anymore Narnian stories? I think you should, you're a natural!
11/18/2012 c13 17InkWeaverabc
Oh, wow, I love Shayna! she makes me laugh so :D loved her way of dealing with the Merpeople D:
As always your writing is superb and there is very little that you can improve on. However I had comments on these three sections:
'He'd been thirteen at the time and was newly acquainted with the grief of losing a parent, his father having been brought back from the Calormene wars but seven months ago and laid to rest near Cair Paravel.' This sentance isn't structured as well as it might be, a little confusing the first time you read it.
'Shayna tipped her head to one side. "Am I a problem to beat, Gale?"' A little too bold, perhaps? remember this is only their second conversation and pushing lead to a huge blow-up last time, personally I think she'd be a bit more cautious. Also this sounds a bit flirty. Maybe you didn't mean it to, but it kind of does.
"What a necklace though," Only thing to say here is I think it would look better/flow better if you put a comma between necklace and though.
All in all though, excellent work, as always! And I like Gale for apologising, even if it's hard :)
11/8/2012 c12 InkWeaverabc
Ah, what a lovely chapter! I am the kind of person that prefers the 'talky' bits in a story and I loved that.
Haha, you know I had entirely forgotten the 'framed narration' you had going on there (slip an a-levels term in there;) and it was a pleasant surprise to hear Eustace, Jill, Tirian and the rest again. The interaction between Eustace and Tirian was very IC and convincing and I enjoyed it a lot, especially Tirian's final comment about the 'cousin or King Ed'.
Also Maris' and Darkspot's conversation was lovely - the love Marris has for his wife was so simply, sweetly and clearly shown you are to be congratulated :)
Also, when Darkspot told Gale that it was good for him to have someone call him an idiot I nearly laughed - so true and such a pointed thing to say!
Well done, this continues excellently, although I'm starting to wonder when the dragon will appear, as we're 12 down 5 to go and 2 of those 5 are epilogue-style thingumies!
11/4/2012 c11 InkWeaverabc
Darkspot! Haha! I bet it's her. If it's someone else I'll kick myself.
Ah, I was right! most interesting this girl is shaping up to be! And he's got no chance whatsoever - he'll have fallen hook line and sinker by the end of the week :D
I liked it, a lot, as always. I like their interaction and how they spark off each other and I liked finding out about her, so well done :)
11/3/2012 c9 Inky rereviewing
(Sorry, I have no memory of this chapter so I'm re-reviewing)
hmm, I think he's getting a little big for his boots, perhaps?
But I am getting ahead of myself... so, apologies? Goodness knows how long it's been since I've been here, and in the meantime it appears you have finished the story entirely, so hats off to you! I look forward to reading it all. Not all at once now, perhaps, but I hope to finish it soon :) About time, really :/
Excellent chapter, as always! Your writing is good if not superb and your characters are fresh and believable as well as likeable, although I must admit I have forgotten all about most of them excpet Gale and Darkspot (LOVED the swinging bit, by the way. Brilliant bit of homour in the middle of an intense passage). Remembered Andern pretty quickly but nothing about Marris, I'm afraid... still. Good stuff here.
And... love interest entrance, perchance? ;) will watch this girl with interest, as I'm certain you are more than capable of making her as interesting a character as any of the others.
What else to say? Not much, I think. Only that I am truly sorry and very glad to be back!
Inky
11/3/2012 c10 InkWeaverabc
Wow, emotional! Poor Andern, what a story. And I feel I definately understand how upset he was! Again, you really have a gift fer developing your characters.
One thing I would say was towards the end of Anderns little speech, when he says 'They sold us all in Calormen the next month, and I remained there three years until I escaped by great fortune and returned to Narnia, but I can never forget the sight of the pirates cutting down the crew, laughing and jeering, and my father's anger turned to shock when they stabbed him through the heart."' it was a little too well-contructed, if you know what I mean, it felt a little too... properly worded? A little unnatural, I suppose I mean, not quite enough like genuine natural speech. I hope that makes sense. That's my only criticism though, so you're doing very well!
8/17/2012 c17 14Starbrow
Oh that was DEFINITELY the best part! A perfect ending to a wonderful tale! I'm so happy you completed the story, it was just lovely. Glad I got to see them meet at the end, and I'm in love with the image of them all running together down to the sea, old Narnians and new ones. It's so Lewis, you know? And that's probably what we all hope to achieve!
7/8/2012 c17 59Ghanaperu
This made me smile. I really liked this idea for the ending. It's so cool that they actually got to meet them. I can't wait until I get to heaven and meet the people I've heard stories about. Awesome ending.
7/8/2012 c17 55WyldClaw
what a wonderful , wonderful epilogue! i just knew that jewel, eustace and jill would meet shayna, gale and darkspot in the true narnia.

i applaud you on completing such a terrific magnificent inspiring story
7/6/2012 c16 WyldClaw
what a fabulous incredible ending to an utterly fantastic story
7/6/2012 c16 59Ghanaperu
Wow. Is it really over? I enjoyed this story a lot, as you may know. :) Thank you for sharing with us. I look forward to the epilogue.

Oh, and may I say, I'm very glad you kept Darkspot alive. And the bit with Andern and his sister was great. And so was learning about Marris' baby daughter. And Shayna! And Gale is going to be a father! Suffice it to say that I liked this chapter just as much as the previous ones.
7/2/2012 c15 Ghanaperu
What? Darkspot wasn't healed by Aslan? He's just going to let her die? What a hard lesson for Gale to learn!

I think this chapter has lived up to my eager expectations concerning the battle with the dragon. It was actually a pretty good plan that they came up with. If only "someone" hadn't shot that arrow into the dragon's eye. I wonder who it was...I suppose it isn't really important. And then Darkspot saved the day, and Gale killed the dragon, and...Aslan arrived! I'm so glad He finally showed up. And although what he had to say probably was pretty hard for Gale to hear, it did need to be said. I only wish Darkspot could have been saved. I do see that you haven't actually said she is dead yet. It is still sort of open-ended, so I shall keep up my hope until the next chapter, when I will know for sure.

Thank you for updating, and I look forward to the next chapter.
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