for Kronos is Back11/12/2014 c1 Soixante-Douze
Now where did I put that Mary Sue-B-Gone spray? I'm sure I left it around somewhere...
Now where did I put that Mary Sue-B-Gone spray? I'm sure I left it around somewhere...
5/25/2013 c3 Hi
Oh my freaking god, Ophelia makes me want to:
1) Slam head on table
2) Cry over the keyboard
3) Yell, "WHAT THE HECK?!"
She's a complete and absolute Mary Sue. And it's like you're writing just for the sake of getting the words out there. You need to actually make your writing sound interesting, not tell me. "She went to McDonalds. Neo followed her. She hid under a table. Neo found her." You missed out SO MANY DETAILS. The part where they run to camp? Completely unbelievable. Seriously. You need a Beta. You also need writing lessons.
I mean, its okay if you borrow a bit from the book, but here, you're just using the entire TLT plot. Why don't you just type everything the way it's written in the book and replace Percy's name with Ophelia's? Because your story is torture to read.
Oh my freaking god, Ophelia makes me want to:
1) Slam head on table
2) Cry over the keyboard
3) Yell, "WHAT THE HECK?!"
She's a complete and absolute Mary Sue. And it's like you're writing just for the sake of getting the words out there. You need to actually make your writing sound interesting, not tell me. "She went to McDonalds. Neo followed her. She hid under a table. Neo found her." You missed out SO MANY DETAILS. The part where they run to camp? Completely unbelievable. Seriously. You need a Beta. You also need writing lessons.
I mean, its okay if you borrow a bit from the book, but here, you're just using the entire TLT plot. Why don't you just type everything the way it's written in the book and replace Percy's name with Ophelia's? Because your story is torture to read.
7/11/2010 c4 
1Philo0sophia
*headdesk*
Steps to cure self from reading horrible fics.
1. Headdesk.
2. Beg to delete.
3. Show issues.
4. Hope they do.
5. Repeat step 1 as needed.
DELETE.
1Philo0sophia*headdesk*
Steps to cure self from reading horrible fics.
1. Headdesk.
2. Beg to delete.
3. Show issues.
4. Hope they do.
5. Repeat step 1 as needed.
DELETE.
6/25/2010 c5 Guest
First of all, you don;t even need to write a disclaimer 'cause someone would have to be seriously f u c k e d in the head to either a) think you were Rick Riordan and or b) you were a published writer/ that there was a possibilty for you to become a published writer.
And chapter four? Not a chapter at all and, also, NO ONE GIVES A F U C K ABOUT YOUR F U C K I N G EYECOLOR. Honest to f*cking God- if you think that trivial little detail matters, much less deserves it's own *chapter*, then you are more retarded than I initially thought.
And- oh, to hell with it. I'm not going to bother going any further. This is a waste of time.
Hunny-baby? There is a reason so many people have flammed. Use your head (although that might be asking too much of you, seeing as *this* is what your head produced).
Oh, and don't review your own story, that's pathetic.
Ciao! :D
First of all, you don;t even need to write a disclaimer 'cause someone would have to be seriously f u c k e d in the head to either a) think you were Rick Riordan and or b) you were a published writer/ that there was a possibilty for you to become a published writer.
And chapter four? Not a chapter at all and, also, NO ONE GIVES A F U C K ABOUT YOUR F U C K I N G EYECOLOR. Honest to f*cking God- if you think that trivial little detail matters, much less deserves it's own *chapter*, then you are more retarded than I initially thought.
And- oh, to hell with it. I'm not going to bother going any further. This is a waste of time.
Hunny-baby? There is a reason so many people have flammed. Use your head (although that might be asking too much of you, seeing as *this* is what your head produced).
Oh, and don't review your own story, that's pathetic.
Ciao! :D
6/9/2010 c5 2TreeHuggin'Chick
Heyy Ally this is really good buht you might want to consider checking you're grammer and spelling...other than that it was a 10!
2TreeHuggin'ChickHeyy Ally this is really good buht you might want to consider checking you're grammer and spelling...other than that it was a 10!
4/27/2010 c5 2YearOfDreams
This story sucks. It's as simple as that. You NEED a beta. A beta will fix grammer and spelling... both of wich you greatly need. Especially for chapters 2-5. You are also a FANGIRL! I'm not surprised, personally...
This is exactly the SAME FREAKIN plot as PJO. A demigod get's discovered but they are special and part of a prophecy.
I just got an idea.
How about you think of something original?
Huh? How 'bout it?
SOme of your chaoters are good lengths, ut some are just plain short.
You have horrible grammar.
Oh, and, Ophelia Grace is a big FAT Mary-Sue. She has a Mary-Sue-ish name, and a horrible past. FIX THAT.
Well, then.
YearOfDreams_
2YearOfDreamsThis story sucks. It's as simple as that. You NEED a beta. A beta will fix grammer and spelling... both of wich you greatly need. Especially for chapters 2-5. You are also a FANGIRL! I'm not surprised, personally...
This is exactly the SAME FREAKIN plot as PJO. A demigod get's discovered but they are special and part of a prophecy.
I just got an idea.
How about you think of something original?
Huh? How 'bout it?
SOme of your chaoters are good lengths, ut some are just plain short.
You have horrible grammar.
Oh, and, Ophelia Grace is a big FAT Mary-Sue. She has a Mary-Sue-ish name, and a horrible past. FIX THAT.
Well, then.
YearOfDreams_
4/24/2010 c5 4demon darling
Okay, I like the story and the way it is written :) Get going WiseGirl!
And for all of the haters that seem to have no life but to flame someones FIRST fic, you need to BACK OFF!
You can leave other comments that say HELPFUL things but as for the flat out RUDE things you are saying, you all can S.A.F.O. because other people happen to like her story.
If you don't like it, don't read it. And DON'T leave $h!tty reviews either.
thanks and bye bye
4demon darlingOkay, I like the story and the way it is written :) Get going WiseGirl!
And for all of the haters that seem to have no life but to flame someones FIRST fic, you need to BACK OFF!
You can leave other comments that say HELPFUL things but as for the flat out RUDE things you are saying, you all can S.A.F.O. because other people happen to like her story.
If you don't like it, don't read it. And DON'T leave $h!tty reviews either.
thanks and bye bye
4/20/2010 c4 pppartyppp
Hello! I have a few things to say about this:
Firstly, you should really, really get a beta. You are in dire need of one.
Next off, your sentences are very choppy. Someone should help you combine them or send you back to kindergarten. :P
Your spelling and grammar sucks too. It looked okay in chapter 1, but other than that you should use spell check and revise.
The first and third chapters were good, the first one because it looked well thought out and had more emotion, thoughts, and descriptive words, and the third one because I like what happened.
Anyway, good luck with finding someone willing enough to beta a piece of work like this!
-partyp
Hello! I have a few things to say about this:
Firstly, you should really, really get a beta. You are in dire need of one.
Next off, your sentences are very choppy. Someone should help you combine them or send you back to kindergarten. :P
Your spelling and grammar sucks too. It looked okay in chapter 1, but other than that you should use spell check and revise.
The first and third chapters were good, the first one because it looked well thought out and had more emotion, thoughts, and descriptive words, and the third one because I like what happened.
Anyway, good luck with finding someone willing enough to beta a piece of work like this!
-partyp
4/19/2010 c1 JessieRedbird
This is cliche and unoriginal. Whatshername is sorta a Mary Sue, and the plotline is very predictable. Please revise this.
Thanks,
JessieRedbird.
P.S: Don't review your own story, it makes you seem a tad desperate.
This is cliche and unoriginal. Whatshername is sorta a Mary Sue, and the plotline is very predictable. Please revise this.
Thanks,
JessieRedbird.
P.S: Don't review your own story, it makes you seem a tad desperate.
4/18/2010 c1 9kaleidoscopeflowers
-sighs- Mary Sue, cliche, OOC characters, and predictable. Please either get a really good beta reader or delete this; that's all I have to say. Also, just because someone doesn't like your fic doesn't mean they're a horrible person, gawd. The fact that this is your first fic only makes the need for a beta reader greater.
~Kaleidoscope
9kaleidoscopeflowers-sighs- Mary Sue, cliche, OOC characters, and predictable. Please either get a really good beta reader or delete this; that's all I have to say. Also, just because someone doesn't like your fic doesn't mean they're a horrible person, gawd. The fact that this is your first fic only makes the need for a beta reader greater.
~Kaleidoscope
4/18/2010 c1 11Fishpony
1. The plot is extremely cliche
2. Ophelia's quite the Mary-Sue
Yeah that's pretty much all I'm going to say.
The End
11Fishpony1. The plot is extremely cliche
2. Ophelia's quite the Mary-Sue
Yeah that's pretty much all I'm going to say.
The End
4/17/2010 c1 WiseGirl24
Okay i wrote this story so all you haters LAYOFF! this is my first story and i plan to change it and ophelias dad is Zeus not POSIDON! im changing it so layoff and do somethin except slamming my 1ST FANFIC! GET A LIFE!
Okay i wrote this story so all you haters LAYOFF! this is my first story and i plan to change it and ophelias dad is Zeus not POSIDON! im changing it so layoff and do somethin except slamming my 1ST FANFIC! GET A LIFE!
4/17/2010 c1 12fRANkiEGirL61
The summary sounds like it has the EXACT same plot as the PJO series, just a different main character. Please, think of something original.
:P
12fRANkiEGirL61The summary sounds like it has the EXACT same plot as the PJO series, just a different main character. Please, think of something original.
:P