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11/3/2010 c5 8Mardigny
I liked how everyone wakes up at the same time for the sake of your plot. But yeah I'll keep helping you to write it and eventually you'll get somewhere with all of this WRITING you do. Heh heh. Keep on working, your writing is stunning as usual and there's nothing really worth fixing that's not a matter of taste. Why'd you convince me to join ff.net again?

~ Mardigny
10/24/2010 c5 12DarlingILoveYou
This book is freaking amazing. It's actually a book, instead of random, arrant thoughts. Please continue (:

By the way, I adore your taste in music.
10/24/2010 c5 LilyxJames
Your story is soooooooooo good! I feel kind of bad for James. Please update soon!
10/23/2010 c5 21bigger infinities
Wow. This is a truely amazing story so far. It should really have more reviews, because it's worth much that it has. This plot you've woven is entricate and very dark, and I like it a lot. The idea of Lily, innocent, sinnless Lily, and her friends being captured and having their innocence stolen away from them is a very interesting one. Many wouldn't have taken that apraoch, but it works very well. I also like Syvanna. She's the kind of character that's just the right amount of evil and cunning that you can't help but admire her. She has a very interesting thought procsses and way of thinking, and I like it, because not everything is rainbows and sunshine, and there is a coldness in the world that some people have taken as their own personalities. All in all, this is a VERY good story so far, and it's a really interesting mystery, as well. It brings many questions to mind, and I can't wait to have them answered.

10/23/2010 c5 Shoes
A few things:

- The sentence "... Syvanna knew, and it was time for her to make her next moves" sounds weird. To me it reads like it should end "make her next move", unless she does hops, skips, and jumps. Even then the story would be missing on the support for twisting the adage.

- Lily seems kind of dark, almost Morthia-like, in a few parts. I can see how she'd be depressed and hopeless, but to me the characterizations of Morthia and Lily's thoughts are really similar.

- Otherwise I think it's still really good, although the chapters are ridiculously long and they could be trimmed down a bit or split. That's my personal preference leaking through, though. I like how you split their POVs until they all meet near the end. (Would have made James look like less of a bumbling fool, though...)

Keep writing, however slowly. Just don't forget the college essays.
5/8/2010 c4 12chanson pour l'hiver
Brilliant, you've done a really great job here with all the characters.
4/29/2010 c3 chanson pour l'hiver
4/28/2010 c1 PikaYoshiGirl
I found this fic on the Story Review game, and I'm quite familiar with the fandom ;)

First impressions first. I love the set-up here; everything's organized, you included a quote to give the story a foreboding mood, and you're separating your fic into parts. You're also good at capturing Lily's personal thoughts. The use of dialogue never gets stale, the POV is consistent, and you have a writing style that can be humorous at times, like the way you worded how Lily didn't know what to write in the letter.

Nitpicking: This is just my opinion, but I think you should italicize the character's thoughts or put them in quotations, so they fit more into the story's third-person flow. Replacing a lot of the dashes with semicolons will make the story look better, too. For example:

/How—why—had God abandoned him now?/ It would look better if it said: "How and why had God abandoned him now?"

/One—black-eyed, with a cruel face—left/ Should be "one with black eyes, with a cruel face, left"

And a small typo I found:

/Late Feburary, 1975./ Should be spelled 'February,' although I didn't really notice it at first.

I couldn't find any other mistakes besides that. I think that's the only revisions that should be made. Good job!
4/28/2010 c3 Jene
Wow. I've read quite a few James and Lily stories now, but this is perhaps the, or one of the most intriguing ones. It's original and different. It was so dark and Morthia is so twisted I don't know what to think of her any more. I don't know if I should feel anger or pity or betrayal and it's all causing me a confusion that makes me HAVE to read the next few chapters. I'm also looking forward to how Lily has changed and how much she doesn't want to change and how James will try to change her and everything. Overall, well done with the story lines, I am hooked :)
4/27/2010 c3 MoonFlower
Wow, This is getting more interesting. I like that you are not revealing too much at once. A lot of writers do that and it ends up ruining their stories. Keep up the good work.
-MoonFlower Oracle and Dream Weaver
4/24/2010 c2 00000bye00
"The French speak French, Remus" :) that had me giggling..

I have to admit, I was upset when the Marauder's just STOOD THERE, when the Death Eater's arrived..but then I thought about it and realized that, realistically, that is what most sane ppl. would do- and not just charge to the rescue, because they were pretty young and probably scared to death.

I'm kind of having a hard time keeping everything straight character wise but that might be because it is late and I am tired, lol...

very good- I'm interested in learning more about the Watchers!

also, I appreciated the fact that you mentioned 'the sorting hat getting it wrong'..! :)

4/23/2010 c2 chanson pour l'hiver
4/23/2010 c2 NJ
This is so col! :D x
4/22/2010 c2 diamond sunshines
wow, awesome first 2 chapters

i can't wait for the next one

btw would this mean lily was kidnapped in her fifth year at Hogwarts? just wonderin

update soon plz :D
4/22/2010 c2 Annie
This is such an original plot and the action is just great! Keep it up!
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