for Letters4/22/2010 c2 
5Winter Saudade
nice approach, quite original, i really like the way you wrote this, and one can see where it is all heading but all the fun is in reading how you'll turn hate to love. do update soon
5Winter Saudadenice approach, quite original, i really like the way you wrote this, and one can see where it is all heading but all the fun is in reading how you'll turn hate to love. do update soon
4/18/2010 c2 72Schermionie
Oh, another great chapter! This followed the first one really well - the post scripts are particularly amusing. It was also interesting. You're inter-weaving details into the general sarcasm and exchanges between the two, such as what Ernie's family are known for and how you're portraying pure-blood society. (One thing I forgot to mention in the previous review: 'Pureblood' should be 'pure-blood' - or at least that's how it's written in OotP.) Clever storytelling.
Nitpicks: 'Because if you are, then next time I suggest you stay away with words beginning with 'un' because that only makes you more boring than you already are already.' - was that last 'already' there deliberately? It sounded odd to me.
'All they'd when you die is an inheritance of a factory which uses Demiguise hair to make invisibility cloaks.' - Did you mean 'All they'd get when you die...'?
'Ps.' and 'Pps' should be 'P.S.' and 'P.P.S'.
My favourite line this chapter would probably be 'Tell me, is your father still locked up in Azkaban or have you managed to dazzle the guards with your 'charm' as well?' Honestly speaking, Ernie sounds a little bit more like Zacharias Smith than himself (as I remember them), but I'm supposing that's in response to Daphne's more caustic nature. This is very entertaining so far, and I hope you keep writing! ^_^
72SchermionieOh, another great chapter! This followed the first one really well - the post scripts are particularly amusing. It was also interesting. You're inter-weaving details into the general sarcasm and exchanges between the two, such as what Ernie's family are known for and how you're portraying pure-blood society. (One thing I forgot to mention in the previous review: 'Pureblood' should be 'pure-blood' - or at least that's how it's written in OotP.) Clever storytelling.
Nitpicks: 'Because if you are, then next time I suggest you stay away with words beginning with 'un' because that only makes you more boring than you already are already.' - was that last 'already' there deliberately? It sounded odd to me.
'All they'd when you die is an inheritance of a factory which uses Demiguise hair to make invisibility cloaks.' - Did you mean 'All they'd get when you die...'?
'Ps.' and 'Pps' should be 'P.S.' and 'P.P.S'.
My favourite line this chapter would probably be 'Tell me, is your father still locked up in Azkaban or have you managed to dazzle the guards with your 'charm' as well?' Honestly speaking, Ernie sounds a little bit more like Zacharias Smith than himself (as I remember them), but I'm supposing that's in response to Daphne's more caustic nature. This is very entertaining so far, and I hope you keep writing! ^_^
4/18/2010 c1 Schermionie
Oh, brilliant! This is an excellent beginning. You've done very, very well with establishing their characterisations. As soon as I saw that you wrote for these two (I'm subscribed to the Letters Challenge thread), I knew it'd be interesting. And my gut feeling wasn't wrong. This is a great start.
Nitpicks: I felt that in a few places Daphne seemed a little too... hostile. The '(in)sincerely', while witty, felt a little over the top to me. Do these two know each other more than we know previously? Does Daphne object to the White Party in general? I don't know, that's just how it felt to me...
'Ps.' should be 'P.S.'
'I say that the next time when you're attempting fulfil your mothers wishes, I'd try to be less harsh.' - 'attempting fulfil' should be 'attempting to fulfil', and 'mothers' should be 'mother's' - possessive, not plural. Also, 'when' is unnecessary and should be deleted (we say 'the next time you', not 'the next time when you'); if you want to keep it, put a comma after 'time', as in:
'I say that the next time, when you're attempting to fulfil your mother's wishes, I'd try to be less harsh.'
Other than that, this was a most hooking first chapter. I'm off to read the second one now, because I really want to know if Daphne decides she intends to impress him enough or not. :)
Oh, brilliant! This is an excellent beginning. You've done very, very well with establishing their characterisations. As soon as I saw that you wrote for these two (I'm subscribed to the Letters Challenge thread), I knew it'd be interesting. And my gut feeling wasn't wrong. This is a great start.
Nitpicks: I felt that in a few places Daphne seemed a little too... hostile. The '(in)sincerely', while witty, felt a little over the top to me. Do these two know each other more than we know previously? Does Daphne object to the White Party in general? I don't know, that's just how it felt to me...
'Ps.' should be 'P.S.'
'I say that the next time when you're attempting fulfil your mothers wishes, I'd try to be less harsh.' - 'attempting fulfil' should be 'attempting to fulfil', and 'mothers' should be 'mother's' - possessive, not plural. Also, 'when' is unnecessary and should be deleted (we say 'the next time you', not 'the next time when you'); if you want to keep it, put a comma after 'time', as in:
'I say that the next time, when you're attempting to fulfil your mother's wishes, I'd try to be less harsh.'
Other than that, this was a most hooking first chapter. I'm off to read the second one now, because I really want to know if Daphne decides she intends to impress him enough or not. :)
4/15/2010 c2 37ThePandorica
Nicce! :D
I like this alot, and letter fics (well-written ones) are brilliant to read.
This is very well-written, by the way. (:
It has oodles of humour, sarcasm and underlying romance? - ...Maybe? *grins*
Anywho, nice work and I look forward to reading more.
Lucy*
37ThePandoricaNicce! :D
I like this alot, and letter fics (well-written ones) are brilliant to read.
This is very well-written, by the way. (:
It has oodles of humour, sarcasm and underlying romance? - ...Maybe? *grins*
Anywho, nice work and I look forward to reading more.
Lucy*
4/14/2010 c2 12EvylinDevilin
Well, this chapter was great just like the last!
Just one thing... in Daphne's letter when she says 'I'd rather not say' A reader may have to go back to the first chapter to realize that she's referring to why she's asking Ernie to the dance. Instead you should say 'I'd rather not say why I chose to ask you.' or something along those lines. However, it's fine when Ernie says 'tell me' because Daphne's letter was just above his. I hope this makes sense.
Aside from this the letters were still excellent and I can't wait to read the next two!
-Evylin
12EvylinDevilinWell, this chapter was great just like the last!
Just one thing... in Daphne's letter when she says 'I'd rather not say' A reader may have to go back to the first chapter to realize that she's referring to why she's asking Ernie to the dance. Instead you should say 'I'd rather not say why I chose to ask you.' or something along those lines. However, it's fine when Ernie says 'tell me' because Daphne's letter was just above his. I hope this makes sense.
Aside from this the letters were still excellent and I can't wait to read the next two!
-Evylin
4/14/2010 c2 8HeartlessLittleHamster
Write me a letter to Ernie Bernie Macmillan =D!
Secretly, I'm very lonely xD
8HeartlessLittleHamsterWrite me a letter to Ernie Bernie Macmillan =D!
Secretly, I'm very lonely xD
4/14/2010 c1 HeartlessLittleHamster
Second best thing today =D!
Besides me delicious cookie for lunch =D!
Second best thing today =D!
Besides me delicious cookie for lunch =D!
4/13/2010 c1 12EvylinDevilin
Oh! I love it so far =)
And I'm really excited that you're making this into a chapter story because it definately seems like it will be very interesting. I shall be adding this to my alerts and looking forward to the next chapter! Great job with the challenge by the way.
-Evylin
12EvylinDevilinOh! I love it so far =)
And I'm really excited that you're making this into a chapter story because it definately seems like it will be very interesting. I shall be adding this to my alerts and looking forward to the next chapter! Great job with the challenge by the way.
-Evylin
4/13/2010 c1 2whenitwasmagic
Yours (in)sincerely, v. Yours sincerely,
Daphne Greengrass | | | Ernie MacMillan
^^ That made me laugh (I hope it showed up right?). These characters are awesome; you write them perfectly. Wonder when they'll get together?
2whenitwasmagicYours (in)sincerely, v. Yours sincerely,
Daphne Greengrass | | | Ernie MacMillan
^^ That made me laugh (I hope it showed up right?). These characters are awesome; you write them perfectly. Wonder when they'll get together?
4/13/2010 c1 5thegirlinflat4a
Really well written, especially the sarcasm. I wouldn't have ever thought of these two together, but hey! It could work!
5thegirlinflat4aReally well written, especially the sarcasm. I wouldn't have ever thought of these two together, but hey! It could work!
4/12/2010 c1 54DramioneLurver
Hehe, cute beginning! I've never thought about these two as a pair, but I just love the personality you've given them both! The snark is just fabulous!
54DramioneLurverHehe, cute beginning! I've never thought about these two as a pair, but I just love the personality you've given them both! The snark is just fabulous!