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3/28/2013 c1 gandalf
Sorry I'm putting this here, I know it has nothing to do with this, but I'm using someone else's computer and all I can do is put reviews, so the only way I can say anything is like this. About that Doctor Who/Dark Tower fic. It's based on misconceptions. The heart of the TARDIS isn't the heartof the universe, it''s just part of the ship. And the phrase Bad Wolf, in Doctor Who,was just a phrase. It had nothing to do with Red Riding Hood.
9/25/2012 c1 12THE-BANNED-AUTHOR
Tom's powers are cool xD he hit himwith a shrubbery xD I think I'll call him Tommy
5/15/2010 c1 80The Layman
It was NOT crap! If anything, it was evocative of many of the ealier Society adventures. Also, the shrubery was a nice touch. (And beware if Shirley, she, Tash and Phoenexia are the three people you REALLY don't want to get PO'd.)
4/23/2010 c1 23James Firebrand
First off, let me apologize SINCERELY for taking this long to get around to reviewing this for you. Things have just...ganged up on me. T.T

Now that THATS out of the way, I guess I can officially welcome you into the Society and give you a map to the Cliche Stick Treatment Bay located in the medical wing. ^^

Anyway, I hope you don't mind some constructive criticism, because I've got a few pointers here for you...

Let's start at the beginning. (Daring, I know,starting there, but I feel reckless today ^^) It kinda feels...flat. As does the rest of this fic to varying degrees. For example, WHY was this Stu they faced to angry when Tom showed up? It's not as if "Hey, you with the face!" is particularly insulting. Also, what exactly WAS that hand sign? We know it knocked Tom into a wall, but what WAS it? Magic? Telekinesis? Sheer force of will?

I hope you'll pardon me for saying this, but your SI is somewhat Stu-ish too. It's one thing to be a swordfigher, but one who's trained with the masters? That's a little over the line. The trench coat is a little too much too, especially since that was Adrian's trademark, and after RST? Not exactly a good thing.

You kind of just let the next scene pass right by you too. It's over WAY too quickly and you go into ZERO detail about what happened. It's the little things like that that make a story great! And the fact that Tom was completely unintimidated doesn't help your Stu-ish factor either. I mean, it's OK if he wasn't freaked out, but SAYING that explicitly kind of makes it seem like you're trying to make him ALL THAT.

And for the record, Shirley doesn't NEED any tools to inflict pain. Her claws and teeth are sharp enough as it is...^^'

Another thing is, the Library Arcanium is HUGE and the rooms don't ALWAYS say in the same place, so the odds of Tom knowing where to find something after being in the Library for only a few hours are slim to say the least.

Once Tom enters Everword, things just become somewhat vague. Keep in mind, not EVERYBODY has read the books, (I only read the first three myself) so we have absolutely NO CLUE what's going on. A breif summary of the fandom is always a help.

The dialogue seems somewhat stale too. All you give us are words, no real view into the emotions or specifics of what's going on. Try adding things like"

"The gods were two year olds with the power to blow things up. I've saved so many lives this way." Allia scoffed.


"Are those lives you saved worth living now?" Tom shot back. Look at David. You've taken a man and turned him into… a creature, a worshiper."

Just little things like that REALLY add a new layer of depth to a fic, and the variety keeps the reader interested.

Also, the crack with the shrubbery and the dogs? It kinda falls flat. I mean, there's nothing WRONG with having crack, but it has to be grounded in something. Take my SI's nukes for example. Bizzare, no? Bit since they're established as one of my powers, it's given more credibility and therefore it works. Pulling things out of thin air like you did here just don't create the same impression.

Other than that, this is a PERFEECTLY passable entry fic. Just keep what I said in mind, and you should go far in the Society! Glad you finally have you with us!
4/15/2010 c1 9Number Six-Sixtysix
Dude, you just turned out a fic pitching a dude with a vaguely Doctorish bent and a slighlty British attitude, against several different cultures and their Gods. As well as a Sue. There is no way in hell that this could be a rubbish fic. That said, agreed, it could be better.

With 'better' meaning longer and having slightly more action in it (Yes, I realise that Doctor-ish British gents are masters at either Xanatos Speedchess, or the Indy Ploy [If I am going to be forced into , I'm bringing someone else with me], and so would defeat most opponents quite quickly, but for the sake of the story, say someone can adapt as well as he can).

Oh, one minor gripe. The term for offical story/ plot, etc. is 'canon', not 'cannon'. The latter refers to an early gunpowder prjectile weapon of some fame. You may even have heard of it.
4/15/2010 c1 27Isis the Sphinx
So, Tom has a berserk button, a attack that he calls out, and he's a Doctor Who fan.

Have you talked with Dave? His character is similar.Certainly a better fic than my entry one was.

Looking forward to more, welcome to the Society!Go tot he wiki and Tv Trope page, and set things up for your character.

Keep writing!
4/15/2010 c1 10complexities
I think this was a pretty good fic - not crap at all! It's clear you put some effort into your research. I think Allia's Sue ranking might be wrong, but MotL introduced the new system just recently, so it's not your fault.

You have a solid foundation plot-wise. I don't doubt that your next fic will be better. But might I suggest getting a beta for just the minor grammar and spelling mistakes?
4/15/2010 c1 6Here for the Twister
Not bad for an entry fic, at least you've done SOME research... before I joined I think I'd read two Society fics and just threw myself in uselessly anyway! I like the way you balanced things between the Library and elsewhere. Welcome to the Society!
4/13/2010 c1 17gdouglas56
...Need more research, my friend. One thing is for sure, we already have the sort of technology for prohibiting at long range; its called a Grappling Prohibitor. The gun is a good idea, but it can no longer go further than temporary prohibition, that's what a Prohibitor and a permanent Prohibitor is for. You're gonna have to think of something else; the Prohibitor dart gun would not catch on...

I can't blame you for getting the Sue Ranking wrong; the info came late. You had a good try, hopefully your next fic would be better...

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